The Boss finally got a sense of humor!

You won't give any of us locals the time of day, and you keep the Chatterbox blocked except for a few of the top Kainsters, but you will gladly have a conversation with some anonymous anybody in Illinois?

Thanks for the reply.

Jon

I assume that since you have found where the Chatterbox is, I don't have to reply via e-mail.

I also notice that your IP# is located in Rockford, IL, so I assume you live somewhere near Chicago and won't be showing up for the Hump.

Therefore, I have opened up free access to the Chatterbox submittal forms temporarily—in case any of the locals want to call me a liar because of how obviously fictitious it is for me to pretend I got a supposed question about the Power to Weight Calculator from somebody in Illinois named Jon Suyko.

They all think that just because I make most of this up, I am making all of it up.

I don’t even let any of them know where the form you filled out is located.

I know the Chicago area a bit, went to school at MacMurray College in Jacksonville, ran NCAA Cross Country Regional Finals on some golf course in Wheaton.

The cross country team always ate at the Berghoff downtown, plus I once had too much ouzo at some Greek restaurant.

But that was long ago (before anybody can remember), and now I won’t even go over to Big Bianchi’s for Christmas.

Tell your friend they will be pleased to know I would currently never be called "naturally thin" (as riders who have stopped in for the Holidays have been shocked to observe), but I am confident I will get there again, if I can just get off my computer.

I'm sure I can count on you to give my e-mail address to nobody.

What number should be entered in for watts?

FTP?

Cheers,
Jon

You have identified the specific purpose of the calculator.

If you know your FTP watts, you can put in that number with your weight, and get a quick rule of thumb for how you stand among other cyclists.

The handy chart that drops down with the calculation uses FT instead of FTP to refer to the same concept.

Both Functional Threshold (FT) and Functional Threshold Power (FTP) refer to a much used generality which can also be described as: "How hard can I push the pedals and still maintain my performance for more or less all day?"

The 1-hour mark is considered an acceptable time for deciding,

"If I can do it for an hour, I can probably keep doing that effort all day long… and again tomorrow, and tomorrow, and the day after."

If you are new to cycling, you are going to be very surprised to find out that just about every group ride you go on (and certainly every race) will have a few riders who are purposely trying to get you so excited you "just barely" go over (whatever) Threshold for just "just barely" too long.

After a couple moments over various thresholds, you will be very easy to deal with indeed, and you will come away from the ride thinking that there were riders on it with apparently super-human strength, which of course is unlikely to be true.

In any case, you Power Meter will protect you from such nonsense, because you will know exactly how much strength you have, and be able to identify the exact moments in the ride when your enthusiasm got the best of you.

If you pay close attention to these details, you can really achieve some remarkable things.

If you don't know your FTP yet, there are numerous formulas for deriving it based on shorter ride times (such as 20 minute, 8 minutes, etc), because most people find a full one hour test to be too grueling to contemplate.

Of course Widder and I like to use an actual full length 1-hour time trial, and morning before last she completed a Personal Best (PB) on her Computrainer .

She averaged 202 Watts for the full hour, and her body weight was 121, so that gives her a Power to Weight Ratio for the trial of 3.6.

That performance is a solid:

Cat 3 for MEN!

Widder has just finished enduring one more surgical procedure every other month for the last two years straight, plus 3 weeks of radiation therapy which was finished up just last week… and she is a 56 year old WOMAN.

You will have to agree, her 1-hour at 202 Watts performance was remarkable.

Hi Mary Beth,

Just wanted to let you know of the wonderful OCBC experience I had today.

Two-thirds of the way through my 36-mile ride this morning, I was derailed by the inevitable flat tire (they don't make that superglue like they used to!) on Kings Highway near the Chester Police Station and Library.

As my primary (my wife) and backup (a friend) pit crews were unavailable to come to my aid, and seeing as I carry no tools or spares, I began the long hike back towards Warwick, when an Angel of Mercy came to my rescue!

Yes, a lovely, gracious, kind and most caring woman noticed my plight as she drove by and asked if I needed assistance, to which I responded affirmatively.

As I walked to where she had pulled off the busy road, I noticed her license plate was "PELOTON," and knew I was in luck!

She took off my wheel, hoisted my bike to her roof rack and drove me all the way home to Warwick.

She said her name was Mary, but is known in OCBC circles as the "Widder" or "Black Widder," which I assume is slang for "Widow."

In any event, she will henceforth be known to me as my lovely, gentle, caring, mild-mannered Guardian Angel.

I believe you know each other?

Greg Tsoucalas

Somebody better tell him that if his "Angel of Mercy" ever asks to feel his finger he should pass her a chicken bone.

I assume your records show that everytime that person wrote you (about once in every two years), your secured mail box filled up with spam despite the filters, so now you won't have to deal with that, but what if somebody was well behaved?

Then what?

He did, and that allowed me to make this in order to explain another concept which only he will truly understand. >>>

Is that true?

Did you read his latest?

Granted it was a group effort, but Defeo's sly hand was obvious in it, especially that clever little misspelling of "microliter" near the top of the first paragraph on the final page.

And 4°C?

Had me on the floor laughing!!!

Fuckin' Chuckie.

You were probably just confused because outside the United States "microtiter" is spelled appropriately "microtitre."

However, it was still one great motherfucking side splitting read.

The first thing Anthony has published in quite some time, but well worth the wait. >>>

Been doin' anything toward your ongoing hostile takeover of Google lately?

I was at Gulak’s last week, and he asked how you and your lesser half are doing.

Then the doc says, "I haven’t checked their website in a while."

I asked, "You read their website?!"

"Uh huh."

"Have you seen any of the photos they Photoshopped of me?"

[hesitantly], "Uh, …yeah."

"Forget I asked that question. I don’t want to know which photos you’ve seen. Let’s just drop the whole topic."

Probably because we sometimes give out for free really good information like this: The Best Goddamn Motherfucking Dentist in the World.

Probably Gulak hesitated answering because an "unlikely to be dropped (quite the opposite of Lynn) subject" popped into his head like this: >>>

I'm writing this in pains, I came down to West Midlands, UK for a short vacation and got mugged at the park of the hotel where we stayed, all my cash, credit card and cell were stolen from me at GUN POINT but luckily for me I still have my passports with me but don't have enough money to sort the bills so I can get out of here.

I 've been to the embassy and the cops but they're not helping issues at all and my return flight leaves soon and the hotel manager won't let me leave until I get to settle the bills, I'm freaked out here at the moment and wondering if you could help us with a quick loan.

I promise I'll refund it once I get back home. Please write me so I can send you the info for the wire of the money to save me from the embarrassment of not being able to cover the bills.

Ryan

Notice the subtle misuse of "pains" in the first sentence.

Also note the run-on sentence afterward, then the same misuse of "passports" and later the lack of comma before "and the cops" plus "and the hotel manager."

There is also an extra space before the apostrophe in "I've."

So maybe it wasn't Ryan but Cranky who sent it, because even if Ryan was this upset, I doubt he would commit such heinous writing errors, but it would account for the school district throwing him out on vacation in the middle of the term.

Not to mention, Crackhead Ryan has spent more than enough time on Ridgebury to barely even notice a mugging in the UK.

You obviously have no use for your money, because money won't buy you brains, so you may as well just send it on along to me.

If you include a bunch of personal information, I am sure I can do just as good a job at stealing your identity as whoever went phishing with this fucking bullshit e-mail.

Anybody still wondering why they hear me screeching so often, "GET MY NAME OFF YOU FUCKING EMAIL CONTACTS LIST!!"

What you wrote there, do you think it's even French?!

I heard you ran off and posted on another forum.

Dott Wins One

special insider's edition
HUMP REPORT

Through the cool morning air of last Saturday, Dott scooted to top of the podium honors by taking a hotly contested Hump sprint.

Having already laid waste to a whining Paris along with all other contenders, our Mr. Van Sickle needed but a single final stab into the failing will of Douche Bag Haley, and to that task he tarried not but plunged full crank twisting force into the hoary annuls of Hump history.

Are there any among us who would not cherish such a moment.

Plus I do not put all that much work into it.

ARC began as an object lesson about why a friend of mine should not get so upset about what people were saying about him online.

While I was at it, it seemed I should at least make it funny.

Well, the funny part caught on in ways I never expected but was taking way too much time, so I have backed off the effort of late.

I left the Contact Form up, just in case somebody really needs to get in touch, and once or twice a year somebody fills out the form and thanks me.

Generally when I respond, I find out that the person submitting has been reading the site for some time and already knows exactly what is going on with it.

However, I always make sure to explicitly state the situation just in case.

Most of the other names on the membership list were just copy pasted out of an unrelated database I had at hand.

Maybe a dozen of the other local cyclists also filled out a form, but most of them had to be told on a ride (if I could catch them) to take the whole thing with a grain of salt.

Other than that, a number of local riders names also appear simply because I entered the information for them, but they still give me good material despite my indescretion. Actually, some of the stuff on the website is dead on true, such as the Power Meter information.

When I was making it a daily habit to review the web usage logs, I found that most people getting to the Power Meter information never even saw the rest of the website, so no harm no foul.

Otherwise once in a while I do use my significant influence over Google to make sure important useful information gets bumped to page one of rational returns.

Hmm… maybe you were really talking about my recent success getting the page linked at right to appear on page one (1) of Google results for, "Lacie Compatibility Issues"— quotes or not. >>>

Here's an excerpt from the relevant Wikipedia article with regard to the outshoot of Tim Berners-Lee 1989 proposal working at CERN:

"On April 30, 1993, CERN announced that the World Wide Web would be free to anyone, with no fees due."

Of course the Internet itself pre-dates that, but its use was restricted to academic institutions and government agencies, and there was no such thing as a graphic link… everything was found by typing in long lines of error prone text.

It has been said that the Internet was developed by hippies, and that is true.

It just so happens those hippies were professors at MIT (and other such institutions) plus scientists at CERN and other nuclear, military, and government organizations.

People have mostly forgotten that anybody with a brain in the 1960's, 70's, etc (those who didn't think like the rest of the intellectually barren world) were universally considered hippies… maybe because of their haircuts.

I say people have "mostly" forgotten, because I myself remember very well, having been alive at the time and brushed with the same broad stroke.

CERN of course stands for:

Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire (originally)

and now:

Organisation Européenne pour la Recherche Nucléaire,

or in English:

European Organization for Nuclear Research.

The Bambino Bianchi was just in here.

I took him on a tour of Sugar Loaf because The Widder was so goddamn breathless she couldn't talk to him.

I believe her exact final words were, "Mike Norton who!?"

Fuck Big Bianchi.

I'll be spending the next couple months listening to nothing but constant Bambino this's, and Bambino that's.

Lots of, "Did you see him standing at the desk?", and "RAW, I tell ya," and stuff like that.

Really, fuck Bianchi.

Usually by now you would have gotten something up and running at Google regarding that fucked up LaCie drive situation.

Anything cooking?

"LaCie Compatibility Issues"

When they do, they'll find this. >>>

He's getting real close to his target time which is: 1:42:37:00 (line-to-line), give or take… well, give or take nothing, that's the exact number.

1:42:37:00

Should be pretty easy to do, given the number of people who are likely to run into the same problem with those yo yo's.

Oh, there are lots of answers, it's just that LaCie has not one nor a clue.

The story is, the new bullshit tec is trying to tell you that using the most rudimentary utility (free with 98% of the computers on the planet) should be considered an exotic request on your part and not an indication of a severe compatibility issue with LaCie network drives?

Tell me it ain't so. They can't be that stupid.

I believe his exact words were, "The word 'compatibility' should not be confused with the concept of 'it should work'…" or something to that effect.

Every time I have a problem with my computer, tech support always makes me feel like a total idiot, and the whole thing is my fault.

Now that I've seen how even somebody like you can get treated, despite your 30 years experience in the DOS wars on the bleeding edge of technology, with massive successes in web design, database programming (starting with the original release of dBase II), then all your original media production, and more recently your unique use of C# and Microsoft Sql Server programming for this website and others, not to mention all that other stuff we have all become so accustomed to...

Well, I just don't feel so stupid anymore.

I got a new network hard drive, and saw immediately that it was incompatible with Windows despite the manufacturer's claims.

However, just to make sure, I allowed myself to step out of my standard process, and I filled out an online support ticket.

Long story short, after one month of back and forth (with me deflecting boiler plate responses and attempts to blame Microsoft while I was supposed to do their legwork), I finally got it through to them that they have a severe incompatibility problem with their hard drives.

Their final response was to act like they had just received my question and were bumping me up to "…personalized support for my individual needs."

Fortunately, I keep copies of everything—even an online service ticket which they assume will disappear as soon as they sidestep me into a new level of bullshit, as if Windows compatibility is my individual need.

Here take a look at it: You need only scroll down to the final two entries to get this very very fine joke (on me as it turns out) which happened almost one month to the day after my initial query. >>>

And now nothing?

Now what?

Now let's hear one of your patented expansions on a theme.

Doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results is the definition of insanity.

Doing something different expecting different results is the definition of naiveté.

First they said they "can't" stop the oil gushing into the Gulf, and now they are saying they have to be careful and go slow in order to avoid an "irreversible" situation.

By now it is obvious that everybody on television is a paid apologist for those fuckheads while that retired military shit has himself been so co-opted he says as a matter of course things like "we" are doing this, and "we" are doing that… like he has a clue.

SlingShot, why don't you put together a glossary of all the technical terms to help me out?

Here's a sample.

can't: as we prefer, commonly mistaken to mean a physical impossibility, or at least prohibitively difficult, such as the inability to shut down a catastrophic end of days oil gusher flowing into irreplaceable habitat of plants, animals, and humans, but actually this refers to how one "can't" stop a gusher and still get any of the oil out of it; therefore "can't" also refers to "not even going to consider it—until the 'relief well' is ready."

relief well: needless replacement for a very productive (though slightly untidy) perfectly good oil gusher which is currently making money for us hand over fist by providing harvested crude oil while establishing a socially engineered permanent and further reliance on our company's check book; tell them it is to relieve the pressure (on our check book, heh, heh), no don't say on our checkbook, just say it will relieve the pressure and avoid 'irreversible' damage [to our check book, heh, heh], no don't say that

irreversible: tell them it means things might get so fucked up we could never 'fix' it, but let everybody around here know it is code for a permanently capped well which will never produce again; can't allow it

we: a word to insert into everybody's language who comes within a hundred miles of us by repeating over and over in their ear, "Yes, sir. You sure are smart and a great leader, journalist, whatever, and you really do seem to know this stuff even better than we do. You are definitely an 'oil man' just like the rest of us good ol' boys. Here, have another drink, you can report back home tomorrow."

sonar: the main technology we will use to locate just exactly which 7 inches 5 miles deep in a black and sunless ocean we will need to remotely insert our 'relief [heh, heh] well'; of course sonar location is a rather slow method, but it will work perfectly fine as long as we never stop that noisy-ass gushing oil flow pointing the way; anyway we've got plenty time, because that gusher is really fucking 'productive'

interview: a product placement, just make sure they never ask what "can't" means

few hundred thousand humans and their businesses along the coast and somewhat inward of the Gulf: like we give a fuck

Therefore, when I saw this on Tosh.0 last night, I had to look it up on Youtube, in order to get it all cued up for Mary's morning Chatterbox check prior to her beginning her every day floor exercises.

Watch it to the end, Widder. >>>

DISCLAIMER: Of course, the above comment does not apply to Joe Straub, Ryan Muehlbauer, Glenn Babikian, and Humberto Cavalheiro.

Oh alright, so maybe it does apply to the new deproved Humberto (former Turtle now Pig Boy) along with the rest of you Kainless Wonders, but defintely it does not apply to those three others.

Just so no one thinks I am a pussy or something for not sucking it up and riding out the race, I have now learned that my Scaphoid is also broken, and it fucking hurts.

That makes three broken bones in one crash.

I linked an image at right for that ignorant SlingShot who apparently can't read anything without pictures. >>>

Anyway, I did try to get back on my bike and ride, but I could not see through the tears.

Every time I put pressure on my broken hand, the tears ran faster.

That’s when I decided to call it.

And for what it's worth, ddoT must have passed me while I was crying on the side of the descent where I crashed, because when I went down I was sitting in third, tight to first and second.

But no, everyone just kicked mud in my eyes and said, "Good! One less asshole to chase down."

Ironically that is just exactly what I do when someone crashes in a race.

It looks like I will be stuck inside for a few months on the Computrainer.

My new hobby is analyzing Computrainer data in Excel, but it's been slow to develop.

Now that I will have more free time (as I can't ride outside), I should be able to work on a winter schedule that will allow me to come out in the spring with an FTP around 350, which is to say a 4.8 Power to Weight Ratio.

That should make some eyes bleed.

Vanschtupper likely cares for neither.

I'm splert, splooge, sphflizut...

No really, all the both uh ya, pack your shits and get out.

And now for something completely different.

From Todd Van Sickle:

Let the record show that I kicked Jamie’s ass Sunday on a mountain bike.

So what if he DNF’d. >>>

ddoT

Hollywood's ass in a sling.

And I don't mean to be a stickle for details, but…

How is Mary's mother doing.

Too hard to time the cross traffic.

Four Sticks of Butter

Yesterday during the heat wave, I went up onto the Monroe Salt Flats (just before the Airplane Park on the Heritage Trail) and ran a couple tests.

The question for the third test was, "What can be done with four sticks of butter?"

Another way of stating that question would be, "What can be done with 1 pound of pressure on the pedals.

I won't bore you with the graph, but I held an average of 22 mph for 28 seconds into a slight headwind using less that 1.3 lbs pressure on the pedals.

I came up with the experiment as I was completing my scheduled test: which was to document how fast I can get over 20 mph (into the same headwind on the same flat), but I overshot my mark and hit 24+ mph.

I figured, "As long as I'm here, I may as well see how easy and for how long I can hold this puppy over 20 mph."

I used the technique I always use when people are chasing me, so I can be rested enough to tear them a new asshole once they catch me.

I guess butter is like dynamite, because you can also use four sticks to make your heart explode.

That's something.

I looked at the most recent High Point Climb race results, and I have to tell you, a sub 30 minute time would put her right up there with the stronger men.

The skeptic in me is wondering how it all worked out for you.

She was 25:03 minutes into the park, but had to call off the final dash due to Forth of July traffic.

However, that still gives us plenty of data for review, and I am showing her where she can improve as we speak.

I won't bore you with the particulars, because they are somewhat of a secret anyway, but suffice it to say: she loves the new setup.

When she pulled into the park and saw 25 minutes, she thought, "Fuck. That is two minutes faster than two weeks ago! Shit. Look at all the fucking cars lined up to get in."

Review of data from the last time makes us think Mary should begin with S/4 holding 90/190 (Cadence to Watts) all the way to the tower.

Might be pretty.

She did 30secs @435 watts, and that begun with a separate on the flat personal best of 12secs @20.05 Nm.

She might have done even better, but 28.5 mph still scares her, so she backed off near the end.

Here are the details. >>>

Just like I did, most people assume Watts is a measurement of Torque (just read their posts all over the Internet forums), but Watts do not even come close to measuring actual force at the pedals.

However, the Powertap Torque reading does.

In the meantime you can take a look at this. >>>

I drove out behind her for the morning hill repeats, so I could check in real time what the data was showing me at home regarding her lack of spin smoothness.

It's a nice hill close to home (just the right slope and length), and she has stated numerous times that she has never seen a car on it.

On the way up the first time, somebody was jogging out of their driveway, gave a big smile and a wave, and went on for their run.

It just so happens that was the driveway where Mary finishes her intervals, so I thought, "Great. I'll just park here, because that guy's gone, so we won't be bothering anybody for the next 10 minutes."

I watched Mary come up for the second time, and while my back is still turned afterward, somebody else comes up the drive in a car, so it's a good thing I left plenty of room to get around just in case.

Anyway, Mary gets there on her third interval just in time to add to the conversation.

The second guy used to ride with the local club about 15 years ago, but quit after his wife was left on the side of the road somewhere, and by the time he got there (guided by a phone call from the ride leader) he was told by a perfect stranger (not cyclist), "Are you looking for the woman with the heart attack? The ambulance already left with her."

In any case, that conversation went a little sour as soon as he asked and I began explaining what Widder and I were about, with menitonings of watts, torque, and Kain.

Turns out the guy used to race, so he doesn't want to hear anything about any new fangled cycling developments since the turn of the century.

So he goes off and I'm thinking, "Well, the other guy's partner, but he seemed supportive enough of our presence here—so long as there was no mention of how Mary could kick his ass and why."

I figured what with the two owners under our belt, we were set, and then a car pulls up the other direction (down the middle of the main road) that appears to be going on up the hill (no turn signal or anything) but decides to stop a moment to say hi.

"Hi," consisted of, "Who the hell are you, and what are you doing here?!"

I took a slight offense at that, having just talked to the owners of this particular property his telling me to get the fuck off it seemed rather overreaching.

However, he explained the "driveway" was actually an access road to six houses (not just the one I'd assumed), and he was trying to turn onto it, and there had been some burglaries there of late, so I softened and gave the guy a break, especially considering he had a sling due to a dislocated shoulder which had been freshly wrenched from its socket by a patient at the health facility where he works, and he was on his way home after getting his pain pills.

I even tried to strike up a conversation with his son who was driving, but despite his father's claim he had just graduated from Warwick High School, this oddly elderly kid didn't have a clue who Crackhead Ryan is and was generally non-communicative all around.

I moved to set the father at ease by explaining who Mary and I were and where we lived in Sugar Loaf.

Unfortunately, although he has lived within a hundred yards of Sugar Loaf for 12 years, he's never really been in it, so that wasn't any help at all.

In any case, that pretty much sums up the major problem with all those urban sprawl developments that have upset the local tax base, home prices, and life style in general.

There is actually not the slightest "community" found in them, and nobody knows nothing nor nobody, so when burglaries happen, it never occurs to them: "Why here?"

They just blame "outsiders" while never even considering their own kids.

My vote for the breaking and entering culprit and chief suspect would be that non-communicative (supposed) Warwick High School grad who was setting stoned faced next to his overly irate father .

Those world class athletes all look alike.

In order to adjust their homeowner’s policy, they needed documentation of the value, because the gifter got the painting as a trade back in the 80's, so no receipt existed.

We asked them to send a photo with its size, so we could confirm it was an actual Endico and from the rare Tai series (less than 50 exist).

Then I had to assemble a report from the database to prepare a response.

It was rather time consuming to come up with the specific language so as not to insult the new owner while explaining it probably was not worth $8,000.00 and probably not worth triggering a whole scale upgrade to their homeowner's policy.

I didn't actually go all the way toward explaining how the main service that insurance companies provide is in the taking your money to pass on to fulltime professionals whose job it is to figure out how best not to pay you in case of emergency.

Fucking Antique's Road Show anyway.

I got that chore over with, and this afternoon got back out on my bike.

Widder just passed several major milestones so is ready for some new assignments, and I always like to confirm how it should work before asking her to do something different.

I went over to the Wisners to do a study on the flat and repeat some of the demonstration I gave Ryan a couple of Thursdays ago (when I attacked the group past him) just to prove to myself I can still get big watts with no effort.

You probably remember that demo: a successful 25.5 mph, where I got 423 watts from less than 3 lbs effort.

In other words, a mechanical gain of 3,300%.

Just simple math.

Today on the Wisner's I managed a similar interval for 10 seconds longer.

Then on the way home, I was just coming off the hill coming into Sugar Loaf when I passed Don Stark's road and noticed the police had their automated speed display across from the theater.

I had a knee jerk reaction to see if I could make it say 40 mph, and I guess the knee jerk was pretty strong, because as the incline began I hit a 10 second 118 rpm cadence with an average mechanical gain of… 5,000%.

With a max 123 rpm gain of just under 5,200% !!!

I would show you how I did it, but when I passed the speed display I was just under 39 mph, so it is unlikely you would be there to see it.

How fast was that attack?

I just gave a demonstration to Ryan on last Thursday's group ride from the Chester Train Station.

You will remember the week before, when I jumped on the wheel of Glenn Babikian (New Jersey Cup Time Trial Champion) going up the climb to 94 with big hopes he would just ride away from the group and take me with him.

That never happened, but I got enough data to know just what needed to be done the next week.

Instead of a single steady 200 watts, I decided to break it up with a 200 / 300 / 200 while the overall goal was to get to the first stop sign on Ridge Road with just over 200 watts.

So I planned 200 watts to the bottom of the Meadow Ave hill, then 300 the full length up it… that way, there was sure to be nobody with me at the top, and I could back off again.

And that's exactly what happened, so when I turned onto Johnson Road there was still nobody in sight behind me.

I eased up considerably, waiting for the group to arrive, and they caught me just before the turn through the farm buildings.

I let them get around me, setting myself up for Ryan's demonstration.

After the turn, I was behind Ryan who was on the back of the group and holding onto the wrong wheel, so when the gap got too big, I performed the demonstration.

I clicked down, stepped into high cadence, and spun past Ryan, his wheel, the gap, the whole group and up to the front.

On passing Ryan (and his wheel of choice), I did notice that somebody you wouldn't expect was breathing rather heavily, so I am hoping next time that Ryan finds himself on that wheel, he will take the cue to get around them.

Anyway, the plan was to go up to the front and harass the person leading for the next few hills; but (just as I got there) they were done and pulled off, so I only asked, "Where the fuck do you think you're going?" and settled back into the rest of my plan.

In any case, Ryan got to see a great demonstration of how quickly a high cadence spin can kick you up to the front, from significantly off the back.

However, what Ryan has no way of knowing, is how insanely easy it was for me to do, so I'm publishing the numbers (hoping people don't get all mad at me, like they did with Floyd).

People generally only talk about watts, so I'll begin by saying the attack was 15 seconds of 423 with a 586 max, so in some circles that might not seem so insignificant.

However, I travel in decidedly different circles and look more closely by checking the Torque (effort at the pedal).

Not many people have a feeling for Newtons, so I'll convert them to lbs, because everybody knows how much stuff weighs.

Better set yourself down for this.

That attack succeeded with less than 3 lbs steady state pressure on the pedals (average) with a peak of less than 4 lbs.

Get it?

I generated 423 watts with less than 3lbs effort!

In truth that meager 3 lbs at the pedal resulted in a whopping 99 lbs at the wheel, with a 4 to 132 lbs burst to help with the inertia issue.

What nobody at the ride could know was how that 15 second effort almost exactly equaled what I held for 41 minutes over in Pine Island two days earlier.

Of course, you weren't there, so only Ryan (a Kain Assault World Record Holder) will understand… plus maybe that strong rider (known for racing) who was breathing so hard in front of him.

I've got the garmin 305...hope that doesn't screw anything up. Should I be confused that the attachment you sent was the article I gave you to read? As for putting my cogset on your wheel, I will get that to you in short order. In the meantime...I will go back to sleep.

Art

Some units do not have a magnet/sensor (as does the 305) but merely "guess" at the number… total bullshit.

In any case, for the Powertap demo I would use my own computers anyway, so you could actually just put my wheel on your bike of choice (assuming no damage to cog by chain might be expected).

Otherwise, simply swapping your cog onto the wheel would make it quite safe.

Mary has a tool and can do it real quick for us.

The demo will consist of a quick 2 exercise series on the flat (Heritage Trail will do):

1) low gear pop-coaster
2) high gear pop-coaster

10 minutes total, including insruction and setup.

To put the kicker on it, I'll take the data home and give you a graph confirming Torque reading.

I can pretty much predict within a centime what the results will be, but the true illustration is for you to see just how insanely easy a whopping amount of watts can feel, so that has to happen in the real world and only additionally confirmed by data afterwards.

Pop-coasters consist of spinning five strides and coasting.

That allows the CPU to catch up and report while you coast and watch the reading jump.

Ok, I'll give away just a little more.

I have shown this demo to Cranky, and she almost shit her big stretched out lycra pants.

I said, "Ok, spin light and fast for five strides and coast to see the number."

She spun, coasted, looked down, saw 200+ watts jump to well over 400 as the CPU caught up.

Then I said, "Ok, get in your big gear, and push as hard as you can for the same five strides."

"Holy kripes!!!" says Cranky, "I can barely get it over 200 watts!"

The data download afterwards showed that indeed her first Torque was slight (with great effect), and the second torque was massive (with slight effect): just like it felt to her.

It has been my dream to show this to somebody who has a clue.

That would be you.

This really does seem to be something everybody online is missing, probably because neither SRM nor Computrainer gives a torque reading separate from the resulting watts.

Here is a video which shows a food scale with delayed measurement just like Powertap.

[see link >>>]

Fuck, this has been too much writing, so I'm posting it to the Chatterbox also.

And yes, the pdf was the article you showed me which I scanned for your records for after when somebody never returns your magazine.

Bob

You might especially enjoy finding the short little shadowy warning sign behind and over the cliff, so to speak. >>>

1) add ring/cog to compare data
    (see new forms)

2) determine longest non-shifting
    section High View

3) always retest pop-torques on flat
    after hills

4) If you see Joe Straub, you do
    what we do - run."

Didn't you find anything at all in Widder's data?

CASE CLOSED

As it turns out I did find something.

This is from the first hill on Bellvale Road (before Straub showed up to skew the data) while Mary was still following the program and paying attention to her reconnaissance ride.

I'm calling it Case Closed, because these graphs put the final corker on all the stuff I've been telling Widder.

These graphs (linked separately left and right for those without rollover function) are another Gestalt flipper and do not require the least understanding of the physics, watts, or theory involved in order to clearly see the improvement.

The comparison is of the same .4 mile section of the first hill on Bellvale Road.

You will note the most recent attempt shows a smoother, higher cadence, and the result is a 20 second faster half mile—even though she came onto the hill 1 mph slower.

To put that in terms of Kain (which is almost twice as long), that means if Ryan had used the second, seated, higher cadence method (plus Spun Crystals), his Kain Assault could have beaten Joe Straub's!

In fact, Ryan's Kain performance was significantly less efficient than even the Widder's slower ride shown here.

The kicker is that Widder's smoother spin was not only faster but required less effort besides.

When she got home she said, "Well, you were right. It was a lot easier."

And the data proves that it was also faster, so:

Case Closed.

Well, Dr. Art being what Dr. Art is, he fixed me up so good I'm going over to the Heritage Trail and get on my bike instead.

What's the old man going to do next, get a recumbent and give up cycling altogether?

Fucking hippie!

Halfway to Iron Forge she came across Joe Straub and finished her ride with him while spilling her guts about secret new SlingShot training techniques and the Straub Swatter Technology to be used in kicking Joe's ass on the Kain Assault.

After they both gave a sideways glance and shudder on passing Kain, Mary and Joe finished the ride and Joe went away with thoughts for some equipment and style changes of his own, despite having blown away yesterday's Hump.

We are afraid to mention this to SlingShot, the part about Widder spilling her guts and Joe considering his own setup adjustment.

What am I going to have to do, take away Widder's iPhone and build her a secret Fortress of Solitude training facility under the North Pole?

In summary: I now fully understand how insanely fortunate our purchase of the first Powertap was.

Nobody we knew could tell us anything about power meters, so I said, "I'll just have to try one and see for myself. I'll get the Powertap, because it will let me and Widder share."

While the details regarding this morning's epiphany are very personal, specific to my own performance, and boring (so outside the scope of comment here), what I realized about Powertap metering is very interesting.

We are now moving all performance tracking to Torque instead of Watts, because (Powertap) Torque measures pure brute strength at the pedal, while the Watts only shows the skill with which that force is applied.

Since our primary goal is to get stronger (for longer), it behooves us to look directly at the strength component, instead of allowing the variable distraction of comparing spin skills to get in the way.

My jump out of bed epiphany leading to this understanding was my recognition that six (6) separate points of failure were revealed by taking the day off after Tuesday's Time Trial.

I jumped out of bed to do a few exercises and confirm that the connectedness I saw in these failures was correct.

After confirming the failures were all related (and how), I was still wondering how such a seemingly mild effort as Tuesday's could have put me back a month in my improvement.

I checked Tuesday's data relative to my best ever 1-Hr Time Trial of last summer—the one where I did the first 19.3 miles of the Hump, narrowly beating Widder's personal best for speed over the same course.

Those who do the Hump know the first 19.3 miles is comprised of a rise of 80 feet full of hairpin turns and traffic interruptions, so a 19.3 mph 1-Hr Individual Time Trial there is not without merit.

I had not viewed Tuesday's performance as all that strong (disregarding the two nearly 1200 watt efforts), but the truth of the matter is that it bested my Widder beating epic by a brute strength increase of 12% !

And it didn't feel nearly as hard, plus lasted 19 minutes longer.

How the fuck do people without Powertaps have a clue whether or not they are actually improving?

It is a good thing you lucked out and bought the Powertap, because neither Computrainer nor SRM gives a direct reading of brute force at the pedals.

Everybody using those devices must be totally mystified by the variability of their results—almost as bad a reference as perception, speed, heart rate, or race results.

Ryan showed up all excited to watch the full demo, but even his special SlingShot Caliber Time Trial Bike didn't give him what he needed to stay in my ride.

However, the good news is the person asking was Pierre Francois something or another (obviously named after the great Peter Frank), a young fellow with a good understanding of the physical world around him, so he understood the Spun Crystals demonstration immediately.

Too bad I couldn't just send him to American Road Cycling, but he is in high school, and nobody under the age of 97 should ever hear about this website.

The ride was longer and hillier this week, and I miscalculated several sections which suckered me into allowing a couple extended efforts equal to nearly 1200 watts.

That destroyed me for the extra 5 miles at the end.

So finally I missed my 180 watt target, but I was still on it after 10 miles—despite two long downhills and a road crossing that robbed me of 11 watts.

Review of the data shows my final point of failure was due to back to back hill attacks (one for 30, then a 35 second) on the William Lain double dip hill.

I had panicked about the watts I would be loosing on the next downhill coming to the Camel Farm so allowed myself torque equal to 1188 and 1157 watts respectively.

Due to the fact I had already blown out my left hip, my efficiency at that point was far from ideal, so only my body and torque meter knows how hard I worked, and my body is complaining about the effort as we speak.

After the double dip William Lain hills, I watched my numbers continue to drop all the way to the end, but happily my (predicted) 2 mile an hour boost in speed cost far fewer watts than expected: 168 not 180.

Also, I have great comparison charts of Widder's performance versus my own on the Cosh Road climb.

The graphs show why I love the Powertap software so much, and makes me wonder again why so many coaches and systems jump straight to third party smoke and mirrors analysis software without giving athletes a solid understanding of the basics.

You can use the rollover comparison of the graphs the way astronomers flip from one photo to the next to find planets.

With a flip back and forth Gestalt, you shouldn't even have to look at the numbers to see my performance is way more efficient than Mary's.

In fact, the numbers could easily fool you, because my watts and torque are both significantly better than hers, but her weight advantage still gives her a 2 mile an hour advantage on the climb.

The small and light are heavily favored in cycling.

That explains why Cranky and I can both lay waste to Widder in a bench press but can't touch her on a hill.

Editor's Note: Mary explains her inefficiency by pointing out she started the climb well behind the group while talking to Pop-pop Jinks and not knowing the climb was beginning. Then she spun to the group and waited for laggards. It didn't take much effort, so she wasn't that focused on being smooth and controlled.

Graphs are linked both left and right for those who do not have rollover functions.

Cranky came over and kicked Widder's ass in the Bitch Press.

Shamed her into a personal best at the same time.

I had some work done to my drive train and tried it again a few weeks later.

Popped my chain off again.

Apparently my shit-hole bicycle isn't made for the kind of torque I can crank into it, so I'm waiting till somebody starts making stiffer stays and components.

Also, I never forget how Dan Buckley popped his chain off during a sprint interval and broke his butt bone.

These days, I allow max peak power personal bests to just happen during other business, while everytime I stand to jump it's always in the back of mind how easily my chain comes off.

Besides, by judicious application of Spun Crystals (a proprietary technique from my book: Cycling Performance Simplified), Widder has consistently recorded peaks over 1200 watts on her Computrainer.

I'm pretty sure I'm stronger than she is, so why should I take a chance on Bucklefying my ass.

Now I can walk up and down stairs, get up and out of a chair, walk comfortably straight after a long ride (which I never could before) while my ride power is verging on being all the way back to where it was before the power meter pointed out where I was fucking up.

What do you think?

Having Glenn Babikian show up for a ride after you have vowed not to chase a wheel, is like saying that you've had it with big tits just before a 19 year old Pamela Anderson walks into the room.

No way round it, you're goin' straight into that shit.

What the hell'd Pretty Boy have to do with it?

I'm sure you know that Glenn just won his division in the New Jersey Time Trial Cup Championship a couple days ago, and that win somewhat assuaged the sting from his recent Bear Mountain Time Trial performance where he only got second.

Of course, you, me, and everybody else would be thrilled beyond belief to have gotten that second place.

We are healthy individuals, but Glenn sees a second place as catastrophic failure.

I believe the medical term for his unfortunate psychological condition causing chronic profound and persistent 2nd place intoleration is: Winner.

Anyway, he showed up for tonight's ride where my plan was to jump on a 200 watt interval to see if my knee/hip/back could tolerate the stress all the way to the first stop sign on Ridge Road (4.2 miles), because on Tuesday I plan to test 16 miles at 180 as a demonstration at the Pine Island Poker Ride.

In the process of testing my knee tonight, checking out my new wheel while practicing how to stay oblivious to other riders was to be an aside and rather easy.

Unfortunately, whenever Pretty Boy shows up for a local ride, the whole thing ratchets up a few sprockets.

Pretty Boy presence notwithstanding, I jumped on my 200 watt interval under the bridge, but halfway up the climb to 94, I wasn't surprised to glimpse a wheel creeping up on my left.

I thought, "Oh goody, Glenn's here," and my test went out the window while all things other than jumping on his wheel passed the way of more historic best laid plans.

I got further distracted thinking, "Shit, and Keith is with him. Motherfucker! We can lay waste to these assholes," and that finished any semblance of my ability to think about what I was doing.

And my data proves it, because the next 10 seconds of 480 watts with a 600 max only shows a gain of output watts over input torque by a factor of 19x.

I can usually manage a Watts to Torque of 30x for brief bursts (if I'm thinking), and my goal for Tuesday is to beat 25.5 (see: Post #5132), so this 19x was not so great, especially considering my average cadence of 137 rpm with a 146 peak.

I guess a subsequent burst (just a few moments later) where I popped 10 seconds of 516 watts average with a 697 top (after the Johnson downhill) is almost not worth mentioning—despite the 21.4x amplification of effort.

At least the improvement in Watts to Torque for that second burst shows I was starting to get my wits about me, which is good because I soon realized Glenn was only taking the day off after his big win and wasn't about to pull me away from the group, so I didn't mind it much when I got hung up in traffic at the turn onto Craigville and got back to business.

I never thought once about my new wheel, but I did get my 4 mile 200 watts (203) with no knee/back/hip pain.

Guess I'm pretty much good to go for Tuesday… assuming I can still walk in the morning.

REDEFINING SUCCESS: a benchmark test

Actually, my right back must be included in that list, because it dropped into failure mode after a spate of 2 to 3 Kains per week at the end of last year.

Actually the right back problem was one of the most aggravating aspects of functional restoration that has consumed the last 7 months.

I say, "…one of the most," because THE most was the figuring out of just what the fuck was going on.

Everything appears to have stabilized, as recent minor successes on a few rides have not resulted in setbacks in the days after, so I can probably risk putting a little more pressure on the pedals.

This test will be moderate, and the definition of success will be radically different from what most people understand as a criteria for excellent performance.

Instead of setting a target goal of speed, or watts, or time, I will focus on besting last year’s typical long-haul Time Trial Power to Torque Ratio.

As I have mentioned before, readers should not bother trying to find this criteria online, because as far as I know there is not one single person other than myself who understands the ultimate importance of looking at cycling performance in this way.

Certainly anybody saddled with SRM nonsense will not even have access to metering their torque separately as the primary ingredient in their watts.

In order to set up my test, I gathered data from my Hump Individual Time Trials done last year while Mary was involved in getting her guts cut open and trying to feel better afterwards.

I looked at data from 8 Hump ITTs which resulted in watts ranging from 167 to 204 while my average Torque to Watts gain for the series was 21.44972.

That is to say that my bicycle amplified my effort 21.5 times as an average efficiency.

Therefore, I will use 180 watts as target (because my meter does not report torque in real time), but my true goal is to slightly beat my average efficiency (21.5 x gain over input).

This bench mark will give a more useful view of my knee/hip/back functional improvement than would power, heart rate, speed, or time.

Not only is this a new way to define cycling success, it is likely the only meaningful measure of performance.

To give the curious a chance to observe my trial (only slightly less exciting than an Evel Knieval canyon jump), I will make the attempt at next week's Tuesday Night Poker Ride out of Pine Island.

I can do it there, because my recent tests, using the ride as guinea pig source, shows 180 watts will be more than enough to finish far ahead of the group.

Also, the oddness of my mild, smooth, but relentless pace will allow the group to catch me several times, so I can practice ignoring them.

I do see why your whole ride was done just the way you did it, just for that one moment, 100 yards from the finish, when you caught glimpse of a rider's shadow touching your shoulder, and you had the extra juice to click down, spin hard (finally), in order to make sure you entered the parking lot first.

Of course tracing back from that one moment does prove you did good the whole ride by going as easily as possible, ignoring rest stops, soft pedaling on ahead waiting for the group to catch you, and letting them go at the bottom of hills, so they would burn themselves out and make it easy for you to catch them before the top.

I also understand why you were so upset to find your power meters had stopped on the long hill on 284 just as Ryan (former Kain Assault World Champion) started around you, even if he did realize it would be best to back off a little before the two of you dropped everybody and had to work even harder fighting each other all the way up the steeper Oil City climb.

I get all that, and I'm not at all surprised how upset you were to find yourself without your watt meter effort-governors, meaning you would have to tamp down your own enthusiasm for the rest of the ride—basically flying without a net.

And if I didn't see what all the power metering fuss was about before, I sure see it after I heard you got home, downloaded the data for the first half of the ride, and found you had two personal bests: 5 seconds at 752, and a seated peak watts of 847.

It is also no surprise to hear you are tickled pink about the fact your personal best 5 seconds also showed a gain factor of 27 input to output: that is to say an average 27 Newtons input netted 847 watts output whereas the standard conversion factor for Newtons to Watts is 1 to 1 (without pedals, crank, chain, cassette, wheel, and smooth high cadence spin between them).

I'm sure everyone knows this shows a respectfully smooth spin, though not your own typical mechanical amplification of 30 x gain, which also indicates you will be able to beat the 847 without having to power train for even one more single mitochondria of strength.

It is no wonder that you focus so much on the need to closely meter your performance (in real time) in order to keep a lid on your effort (so you can be stronger tomorrow, not weaker), and that is highlighted by the fact your search for this personal best 5 seconds revealed it did not actually happen on tonight's Tuesday Poker Ride, but on last week's Tuesday Poker Ride.

Plus you almost couldn't find it on the data for that ride, because it happened on the first hill of 88 where that scumbucket cocksucking Steve Jinks attacked just to watch you twitch, and you missed the whole thing in the data, because you didn't even look at it: what with it being a poker ride, and what with you not even noticing the effort when it happened—due to the chase reflex not bothering to go all the way up to the cerebral cortex but only hung a U'y in some spinal ganglia and shot back down into your pedals.

So anyway good, that was a pretty smart ride tonight, but here's my question.

Notwithstanding arriving back in the parking lot FIRST, do you know what getting personal bests on a Poker ride makes you?

What is Portugual going to be?

Due to approaching storms she had to push up into the rare legendary Kaintastrophic Headwind.

She commented after, "I didn't much like the wind, but I needed to see how things are stacking up for the Kainy Season, so I didn't need a personal best time, just a confirmation I can still beat Cranky plus stay under 9 minutes given the worst cirmcumstances."

While I do appreciate that you are trying to simplify the situation (almost as much as I appreciate your efforts in simplifying the non-sense passing for information with regard to cycling performance which is actually mostly hype, myth, and circumstance), I do have to point out the problem with your most recent observations in hopes it will not only help with the oil stoppage but also aid your review of cycling physics.

Here's where your oil rig leak suggestion falls short.

Your suggestion to "drop a mountain on it" seems grossly oversimplified due to the nature of trying to hit a spot that is one mile deep in the ocean and do it with any kind of certitude or precision.

On the other hand, such measures would not really be needed, because the oil well is already encased in a "mountain."

By that I mean there is some point where the pipe goes into the ground, and it is at that very selfsame point that one can see the pipe becomes encased in a structure much more massive than a mountain—which is to say the earth.

The only thing BP would have to do is cut that pipe off near the bottom instead of at the top as they are now attempting while we speak.

Unfortunately, I have heard that the oil well's depth (just short of a mile) is well below what even US Nuclear submarines can reach.

They can go only as far down as a little over 1000 feet, so most people whom I know have stopped thinking about it.

As for myself, I always like to think a little longer on a subject than do most, so I did a little research.

Turns out the bathysphere Trieste has gone to a depth of 35,797 ft which is almost 6 times deeper than would be required, and it carried with it two science geeks, so it represents a safe, reliable, and rugged system indeed.

All one would have to do is put a similar bathysphere down there filled with the highest level explosives (instead of a couple science nerds) right at the base of that pipe and blow the fucking bejeezus out of it.

The consequent toppling and caving in upon itself of materials surrounding the underground cylinder would effectively deliver a mountain precisely to the point where it is needed and without need for postage.

In my defense, however, I must mention that I did not miss the part about how BP really doesn't give a shit about the consequences, and the media is only crawling all over themselves trying to gain access to an interview, while the politicians are basic clueless idiots when it comes to simple mechanics, or that gusher would have been "plugged" on day one… not dicked around with trying to suck the last few drops of oil out of it.

Somebody had a flat and basically the whole group stopped to wait for the fix.

Last week, Ryan flatted but nobody stopped!

When I asked about it, one of the better riders explained it this way.

"The person who flatted this week was not a threat and would not be doing much of anything the rest of the ride, so we all stopped to help, but last week it was Ryan who flatted, and everybody realized it was probably their only chance to get away from him hurting us on the big hills, so we took off."

"This week's flat happened about 3/4's of the way up the long 208 climb, and the speed was getting so severe most of us were already crying, but fucking Ryan didn't even appear to be slightly stressed, so soon as the flat popped, we all took the opportunity to call a time out."

PORTUGRUNTING

For those of you who have always marveled at the grunted simian utterances of the Portuguese on local group rides, which they appear to believe is some sort of language, SlingShot has stumbled upon a partial explanation.

He found this clue regarding their incomprehensible gargling (which he likes to call Portugrunting) after he realized he finally has a handle on the French 'r' but actually not so much on the English 'r'—come to think of it.

This led him to a book on pronouncing English in which he found a reference to a "syllable coda" leading him to a Wikipedia article mentioning clitics, and so on and so forth to an eventual entry which revealed one of probably a dozen shocking truths about the Portugrunting you have all become so adept at ignoring.

Anyway, the bottom line is that the asshole Portuguese will quite shamelessly break a goddamn verb in half merely to stick a motherfucking pronoun right in its middle.

Like this:

   Ela levá-lo-ia.

Which factors out to:

   "She take-it-COND" =
   "She would take it."

Editor's note: No mention of where she would take it, or if she would like it when she did.

In any case, that goes a pretty fur piece in explaining why spoken Portugreasican always sounds like somebody with a really bad stomach ache is getting ready to vomit and take a shit.

Or, as has been mentioned so much more eloquently elsewhere, "Portuguese sounds like a drunk Frenchman trying to speak Spanish.

DISCLAIMER: The above illustration is a general observation only, and it is meant in no way to specifically belittle Humberto Cavalheiro who in fact always does have a very bad stomach ache and is getting ready to vomit and take a shit, so any distinction would be without a difference.

Your level of frustation must be about to go through the roof as they get closer and closer to implementing the suggestion you made the very first day which was, "Drop a mountain on it, and fill in the cracks with cement."

Obviously, they don't give a shit how many birds, turtles, whales, dolphins, crabs, and fish wash up on the shore to stink who knows how many tens of thousands of people out of their liveliehoods just so long as they can hold onto their dream of saving their precious little money pipe.

You might want to take notes.

Air Conditioners have a weight which is equal to or greater than what the guy in the store tells you.

Probably in your case (as in ours) that weight will be significantly greater than, and not nearly equal to.

Keep in mind that though any given weight may be greater than or equal to, it is not necessarily equal to on any given side.

In our own case it worked out like this.

The guy in the store said 80 lbs, but when we got it home we looked at the box, and it said 110 lbs.

Therefore this particular Air Conditioner was not equal to, but was greater than by a significant amount which you would say is typical, if you know anything about shopping and bringing stuff home.

Now like I said, any given weight may also not be equal on any given side, and in this case (Air conditioner) one side has all the heavy lifting compressors, and the other side has all the airflow open spaces.

In our particular case that worked out to 105 lbs on one side and just about 5 lbs on the other.

Remember those numbers, and the next time you make a quick Air Conditioner purchase for a do it yourself install into a too small hole which is 7.5 feet high (that is to say a foot or so over your head), be sure to put your wife under the heavy side.

That way you will have ample opportunity for calling her a pitifully weak loser while you yourself know just how fucking light the thing is.

These calculations are valid even in cases where you and BLASTER have just installed a supposed exact same unit into a similarly sized hole, and beginners luck has made that hole actually big enough for the Air conditioner to fit, and low enough for humans to hoist.

Answer >>>

I found it online when I was trying to decide if I was looking at an IT Band or a Biceps femoris.

All Torqued Up… Torqued Up Good

I believe I just had a personal best on Bank Street after an easy Heritage Trail Recovery ride.

I had not planned on doing Bank Street, but I caught somebody on the trail just as I was finishing and could not resist putting in a little 24 mph burst just to make sure they were dropped dead and stayed that way.

After that I was a little fired up, so I decided one easy spin up Bank Street would help calm me down.

I got in the wrong gear (seems to be my habit lately), and I had to force the pedals a little harder than I would have liked.

During the effort I thought I had also slipped too far back on the saddle, because I was doing little wheelies all the way up.

However, I'm still trying to soak in what the data download revealed.

For context ponder this.

The torque for my last Kain Assault was 43 nm (64 max).

Also consider the torque for Widder's best Kain where she posted a time people have been reluctant to mention they can't beat.

It was a mere 33 nm (51 max).

So imagine my shock when I saw that on Bank Street yesterday I did 40 seconds of 62 nm (72 max).

Here's the quick review:

33 nm (51 max) - Mary's famous Kain
43 nm (64 max) - my best Kain
62 nm (72 max) - yesterday's Bank Street

I cannot find a better torque performance recorded for me.

It has left me a little speechless, because if I hadn't been in the wrong gear (but spun faster), and if I also managed a personal best Torque to Watts Efficiency at the same moment, I would have had a sustained average power output of 1860 watts!!

I guess my dysfunctional knee/hip/back is finally coming around.

Here, look how the Power to Torque flipped over into over-torquing the moment you turned the corner, and the hill caught you in the wrong gear and dropped your cadence. >>>

The birthday part of it was because her birthday will be here (a little too) soon.

The award part was because she just achieved a qualifying major milestone in her training for the 23+ Widder's Hump.

Part of that milestone was a giant epiphany during her hill intervals a few morning ago: the day after she opened a summer table umbrella and realized the cranking motion was exactly what I had been trying to describe as how she should engage her pedals "… like a capstan" which I showed her using a bathroom towel.

Later we heard there's a whole cycling philosophy based on the same illustration called Coup De Torchon (thank you Cranky).

Anyway, the whole crank engagement thing finally clicked with her on a hill interval, and she immediately managed the same torque on the flats afterward.

Well good, that only took three years.

Also, last week she performed a Personal Best Bench-press of a weight and technique I told her was required before she could get her newest present which is: the full set of P90X DVDs and some exercise cables.

Widder was very excited about getting the program materials, while I was pleased for a closer look at the system and a chance to report.

It was just as I figured.

Basically, the P90X series is terrific, but one should be aware there are a few wretched misrepresentations in the system.

None of these misrepresentations will do major harm to anybody's development, but they should be understood for what they are: puffery plain and simple.

First off, the book that comes with the set states (same as the infomercials) that the system is unique in the extreme, because the program departs from all other systems.

There is even a graph that shows how all other systems are supposedly radically different, but the graph shows a process that is nothing like any exercise program in the world since at least a few thousand years BC if then.

Maybe I'm wrong about this, so if anybody does know (or is using) an exercise program which does not incorporate build, recover, and build again periods of varied types of exercise, please let me know, and I will apologize.

Another statement of pure fantasy is that the diet outlined is revolutionary.

Actually, the nutrition program follows the same slightly altered FDA guidelines that every other serious nutritional program follows.

Of course, it is only logical to follow FDA guidelines, because they are correct and have been proven over, and over, and over again, by many more people than a few startup physical fitness buffs who have access to a video camera.

There is also a brief segment in the book about "how many reps" you should be doing which totally disregards power training.

It says reps are dependent on whether your goals are power, bulk, or endurance but then goes on to outline only bulk and endurance.

I guess that omission should be expected given how clearly the program is targeted for body builders and others who want to "look good" such as weight loss enthusiasts.

Still, not having outlined even the basics of power training really is a rather sad deficiency.

So, if you understand before purchasing that these DVDs and nutritional guides are really just a good presentation of standard and proven cross training techniques along with a rational eating regimen, you can't go wrong.

However, saying that assumes you don't buy into their supplements plan which they treat like computer printer manufacturers treat ink purchases.

"Yeah, the printer is an almost free one-time purchase, but the ink is an expensive perishable long term repeat purchase which will keep you on the hook for life."

Actually, a human being doesn't need any of these nonsense supplements at all, if that human reads package labels and eats like their mother told them to: lots of green leafy vegetables and none of the shit sold in restaurants and on TV.

Maybe some supplementation might not hurt if you are racing in the Tour de France (read: 120 to 160 miles a day, almost every day for three months straight), but otherwise you can get plenty of what you need from just regular everyday food with plenty of energy recovered for your next workout.

Besides, the only stuff that really works anyway is illegal and is administered through needle injection using the generic name Vitamin B.

Just ask Floyd if you don't believe me.

Otherwise, it really is too bad that Widder is going to miss out on having some great "before" photos taken, because she already looks like this. >>>

That is if you ignore the duck speak regarding it being a "top fill" which it ain't.

And all their talk about wanting to go slow in order to minimize the damages refers only to damages of their oil revenues.

An actual top fill could have happened on day 1, if they'd followed your guidelines.

I also heard you just demonstrated the bullshit relief well concept to Widder by turning on the water faucet full force in the kitchen and then opening the faucet in the bathroom at the same time to illustrate how it changed not one thing.

If they weren't so focused on maintaining the production of that well, they could have stopped it immediately.

I'm sure the SlingShot Scenario was mentioned several times in a boardroom, but whoever mentioned it was quieted with the question, "Yeah, that will work, and do you want to be the one responsible for all the money we'll lose when that well gets plugged up?"

The motherfuckers don't give a shit about the coast and the people living there.

Where the fuck is Schwarzkopf when we actually do need him, "Cut off the head and kill it."

The graph relative to your getting Compact Gears is linked at:

False Fucking Logic #5105.

CE SONT DES TRUCS QUI MARCHE

One or twice a year I like to go over to the Tuesday Night Club ride out of Pine Island and remind myself why I hate Steve Jinks so much.

He did not dissapoint.

Things were going along pretty well, and I was tucked into a rather mild group going moderately up a hill, when out of nowhere Jinks runs up the side of the paceline and triggers all sorts of attacks, chases, and general bad behavior all around.

Turns out Steve had suckered all the rubes in the ride by betting them $5.00 that if he attacked the group I would be the first one to jump on his wheel—everytime.

A pretty sad situation, especially since I already told one of them personally (when asked if we should continue while Pop-pop had his mechanical out of the gate), "No, I'm waiting, because my job tonight is to keep an eye on Jinks, and if he so much as twitches, I'm takin' him out."

I believe Jinks had an extra 40 dollars in his pocket by the time I pulled to the side and waved him around (since he was going to do it soon enough on his own anyway) halfway up the final 284 climb to Unionville.

In any case, I had bigger fish to fry, because I knew the big climb was coming, but Widder was off the front (not knowing where she was nor what was about to happen), so she would be burning the rest of the group out, and I figured it best to ease off and save something for laying waste to those who needed it after she wore them down.

What I didn't know was that Widder actually knew full well where she was, and she was not so much off the front as near the front having an argument with Ryan about which one of them should be pulling the very leastest before turning onto the steep climb.

Therefore when the group attacked the turn (instead of stopping at the traditional re-grouping spot) I was far enough back that I decided to merely pace them, only to get snookered when Jinks and Frank were standing at the top on the NEW re-grouping spot, and I eased up for the rest period only to find they were the only two who stopped and Ryan, Widder, and one other, were already long gone out of sight.

Fortunately, Frank took off down the hill working hard, and he maintained that position all the way back to the people off the front whom we caught a little over 5 miles later —long after Mr. Jinks' winnings counting smiling smirk had faded into distant memory far behind us.

Actually, I wouldn't have really been on Frank's wheel when we caught the group if not for the ATVs that passed on Missionland Road where I was a hundred yards off his wheel with no hope of grabbing it again, because I had misjudged how hard he wanted to blow through the stop sign and motor down the flats.

When the ATVs sputtered and spumed past, I drafted one back to Frank.

That put me in the perfect position near the top of the final little hill on Route 1 to see Widder attack Ryan one last time.

Ryan shot a glance back as if asking, "How many times does one have to beat her into the ground before she'll flat-out give up!?"

I took that as my cue to jump on Widders wheel with enough distance to the parking lot to be able to back off a little then rush the last 200 yards.

That's where I found myself in the odd position of two seconds from being the very first to turn into home when I remembered, "Hold on, Frank just pulled me the last 5 miles to get here," so I waved him around and onto the top of the podium.

Turns out, Widder reported afterward that Ryan has learned a lot and was beating her at her own game which is to: ease up at the bottom of hills, wait for your supposed nemeses to back off, then attack to the top of the hill.

He'd wait for her at the top in order to do it on the next hill, again, and again.

I mentioned how that trick works even better if you don't pull the trigger until the best rider beside you taps their brake just ever so slightly.

Anyway, we learned a lot on the ride:

  1) Ryan needs an 11 cog in the back.

  2) I need to be a little less certain that I know what's going to happen next.

  3) Widder needs to stop going to an evening club ride after morning hill repeats.

  4) Steve Jinks needs to stop fucking with me.

Anyway, here's Ryan (on the right) with Frank who pulled me in. >>>

Most people probably assume that means hard hills, but it doesn't.

It means precise spin study using the hill to enforce correct technique.

Anyway, I explained that the torque she got this morning on the flat (plus the torque she generated on the hill) was significantly more than she has ever been able to generate previously.

Since she hasn't quite caught on to the sheer simplicity of this, she was shocked that I could remember her numbers so easily.

She opened a few data files from some earlier climbs to prove I don't have a clue.

She compared one of this year's Tioratis to that famous San Remo climb where she left that group of big burly men's men all scratching their nuts.

Low and behold, this year's Tiorati did show higher torque (still nothing near this morning's effort), but what was shocking to her was that while the more recent Tiorati climb showed more torque than the San Remo climb, it actually resulted in fewer watts.

I asked for another number, and she hadn't looked at it, so I guessed at it and sent her back to the data from whence she said, "Fuck, you are right again. How'd you know?"

I said, "It's just simple physics, and it never changes."

High cadence always means more power for less effort.

That is to say that for any given amount of torque (effort) you will always be getting more watts (power) when your cadence is higher.

I went on to explain that nobody she knows is likely to understand this, because they are all so fixated on generating more torque at the pedal they totally miss the fact they should really be working on their technique.

I said, "What they should be doing is working on their spin and only build torque into correct technique once they achieve it."

She piped, "Wow, that is perfect. You'd better write that down."

I did some research and ran across some documents that show you have been the worst kind of Peace-nic since before before.

I found an old application for Conscientious Objector Status with your name on it.

Somebody told me you were radicalized in college and came out with a plan to get busted for draft dodging in order to go to prison and use the venue for anti-government, anti-war activism.

What was your problem, scared of combat?

Terrorists blew up that oil rig in the Gulf, and we live in a country which cannot even accept the the fact that the government shot down flight 93 on purpose in order to keep it from hitting the White House, so nobody can even mention these most recent events as an attack.

I also get it, how BP has been given the full green light to ignore the human and ecologic repercussions of their actions while they try everything they can to save access to the oil instead of just stopping the gusher by whatever means available —if they just keep their mouths shut about the bombing of their oil rig.

I mean, isn't this the first such event you've ever heard of where the media isn't all over every survivor on a continual basis even to the point of interviewing their long lost distant relatives (plus those of the dead) the very next morning?

I also understand the clear logic in your suggestion, SlingShot, that they should have enlisted a small portion of the technology used to keep the entire ocean out of New Orleans to simply drop a mountain on the leak, and fill in the cracks with cement —the very first day.

And I'm sure they would have if not for the necessity of saving the oil.

I am also not very surprised that they actually had the thing stopped twice already, but couldn't afford loosing their containment towers lacking their paying for themselves by collecting the oil.

Nor am I shocked in the least to hear every so-called investigative news agency merely parroting what BP says to them as if it makes any sense at all.

However, what I don't get is how obviously the Saudis allowed Al Qaeda to blow up the well and cleverly disquise the ongoing attack as a quasi "natural" disaster, while the U.S. Government doesn't even bother making even a small charade out of pretending to try and control the situation, but instead only skapegoates BP and friends as if they are the true villians here.

Isn't it obvious that the "everything humanly possible" being done to make sure this disaster continues (as it is), is most certainly being done by Al Qaeda and the Saudis, not by the skapegoated BP (née: British Petroleum, later Beyond Petroleum)?

It is from the long climb on 207 just a few miles before the hard hill described previously.

First off, the only reason I was with those two was because Ryan had a flat, and I caught them despite having decided on Craigville that my knee was already rather unhappy, so I backed off and let the ride go.

But when I went with them after they finished the tire change, I couldn't resist at least trying something on the long 207 hill, because I am rarely with anybody by the top even though there are two pretty significant breaks.

Therefore, it's a good base line test, and I figured to be dropped on the first section.

You can see from the graph, that the first section was significantly longer than my effort on Ryan's wheel up the False Fucking Logic Hill, while the torque measured very similar.

I usually get dropped soon after that kind of effort on that first section, and you can see why if you don't let the apparent extravagant rest sections afterward fool you.

The first part of the climb was 30 seconds of 344 watts, and while it looks like things get a lot easier at that point, the truth is that the flatter section was 30 seconds more of just under my two hour functional threshold, so my heart rate of 161 (which is not insignificant for me) only dropped a single beat to 160.

Then I was immediately back to 312 (with a 472 peak) for the next 23 seconds… so not really a rest.

The second "rest" was a bit easier, but by then my HR was up to 162 and only dropped to 161… no rest at all.

On the final bump at the top, I knew I should back off, but we were so close to done.

Ryan pushed the end, so I did 8 seconds of 507 with a 591 peak which of course was after two minutes of a near 160 heart rate.

That's a lot more than I wanted to do, but my recollection is it was worth it.

When Ryan shut down at the top and glanced back to see how far he and his friend had dropped me, I was right on his shoulder, and it was his friend who was dropped about 100 yards back.

Ryan's little startled nervous jerk is the sort of thing I live for, and I would never have been there to see it without the most precise control of my precision spin.

However, that effort was really what did me in for the Tuthill Road hill, aside from the probable thought that flashed through Ryan's head just as he started the climb, "Ok, so let's see the motherfucker stay with this fucking shit!"

And my knee would still not be recovered if I hadn't known when to totally shut down.

Still, if I had clicked down and spun a little faster, I would have put a lot less pressure on my knee while generating more power at the wheel and being somewhat victorious at the top.

He's a former Kain Assault World Record Holder, and last week he broke away with Keith, and they made it stick all the way to the end of the ride, laying waste to the rest of the group.

All's I'm saying is that if I had clicked down (instead of up), and maintained 1/3 of the extra effort I did hold, I would have beat that other guy (Ryan's friend) to the top of that hill.

Weird shit was coming out his ass.

FALSE  FUCKING  LOGIC

During yesterday's Trailside Ride an odd set of circumstances put me beside Crackhead Ryan on the approach to that motherfucking double-dip hill beginning Tuthill Road.

Ryan says, "This hill is the only place I still like to get in my big ring and push hard. Here we go."

Given that we had just finished the last little bump on Twin Arch Road with me noticing average watts of 554 with a 596 max (of which Ryan later remarked, "What hill?"), I thought, "Great. I'll just stay on his wheel long as I can in order to report what it takes for a heavier rider to match his performance on a challenging hill."

Let me repeat that thought, "What was I thinking?"

Anyway, I jumped on his wheel and soon saw 700 plus watts with no indication of a downturn, so I decided, "That's enough of a sample, I'm dropping off and going easy."

I did just that, or so I thought.

When I got home all excited to put together the data for Ryan's watts lesson, I couldn't believe what I found, so from embarrassment I almost didn't post anything.

The graph showed that instead of dropping off the pace and resting, I had actually dropped off the pace and worked 30% harder to net 30% loss in power, because I clicked up and slowed my cadence!!

I, of all people, should have known better.

Maybe Big Bianchi can use the information to understand why you cautioned him not to bother with a Powertap for his single speed, but put it on his geared bike, so he can learn the difference between Effort, Output, Correct and Incorrect gearing.

Anybody with an SRM shouldn't even bother looking at this (because your device doesn't make the distinction), but the rest of you probably want to see the graph. >>>

She knows to do them only when she has a good reason and can afford the hit on her performance.

Plus she knows to watch her power meter and back off before giving herself a severe setback.

By the way, welcome back from Majorca.

Now I can turn the Catterbox form filters back on.

THREE TIMES BETTER

I went on yesterday morning's Big Lollipop, despite my better judgement.

Widder had pointed out that I haven't been on my bike more than 3 or 4 times all month, plus I had massive work related problems all evening the night before with only 3 hours sleep, and I confirmed all that was true with the very first pedal stroke of shooting pain down the side of my knee.

I have been focusing on the final touches developing a functional left hip, knee, and my whole back, but I knew even before the ride began that I was still a ways from flagging the improvements permanent.

That very first turn of the cranks prompted me, "Well, this will put us back a month."

But the promise of Hollywood showing up to a fat ass, slow, and out of shape Turtle Boy's house was just too much to resist.

So Widder and I started at our standard head-start trail head in Mountainville, and went out on the course to warmup slow while the rest of the ride came down from the top of Central Valley.

By the time we got past Stewart Airport, we were pretty antsy waiting for the others to catch us, and when we turned onto Drury we took a moment to talk to a rider who was suiting up by his truck and said, "You're going to Gardener? Need company?"

Soon as we clipped in to go (taking our new best friend, Rubin, with us), Mary's cleat popped out and she slowed to adjust it, but when I went around her and turned back to see how things were going I saw Turle Fat and his boys were only a hundred yards behind.

Therefore, the rush (such as it was) was on, and our new friend lasted until half-way along Saint Andrews at… well, all of you know where that hill is and what happens there.

Anyway, near the bottom of that hill was also where I decided to back off a little, and near the top of it Mary decided it was time for her to save a little for Weiner Ridge.

I believe her exact thoughts were, "I just did 16 hard hill intervals yesterday morning, so I don't need to start this shit today."

By the turn onto Plains I was almost back with the group, and Mary was still tucked on the back which was the perfect position for her to respond when the Portugreasicans ignored the stop sign, the traffic, and the turn, and hammered away from me as I rested on my laurels or something big and puffy like them.

A quarter of the way into the headwind on Plains I noticed my average for the Interval was only 175, and I figured that was plenty, except by half way the number had climbed to 183 and I got to thinking how I might as well try bringing it up to 200 by Hurley road.

I did, but was disappointed to find the whole group (minus Mary) standing deeply involved in the discussion: to New Paltz, or not?

That's how I later came to report to Mary (who had gone on to start her loop home), "They were waiting for me at the corner"

She said, "They got back to me after the first roller on Orchard Drive. Where'd they drop you?"

"At the corner."

In any case, after my, "Oh look, 175… hmm, looks like I might make 200 by the corner, how nice, here they are, how much nicer, there they go," I ended up riding the whole of Orchard Drive by myself.

Unfortunately I noticed a target whom I was catching if I just kept a little more focus than was pleasant.

I was close to the wheel of two Greasicans by the turn, and noticed two others had stopped for a pee break just as I started the downhill with the distinct feeling the two in front probably didn't realize a hard hill was coming, so they wouldn't now how to rush it hard, click down and spin, which was how I caught them.

A car was coming toward us so I took the opportunity to dash in front of it and turn onto Plains backward to get a head start and rest.

Fortunately, that little rest gave me enough gas to still be somewhat conscious after the stretch of 28+ mph just before the next turn.

But my falling apart was already in full bloom, and a dozen or so overworking bursts to stay in contact (because I kept getting snookered in surges), led me to understand that the hills after the turn onto Saint Andrews was my cue to call it quits, go easy the rest of the way home, and not put any more undue strain on my already creaking knee, back, hip.

It was certainly too late already, but I thought just maybe I could actually be walking the next morning if I initiated a full shutdown.

However, about a half hour later the oddest thing happened on Goldilocks Hill (Route 747).

I noticed I didn't really feel all that bad, and by the time I got to Bob's Triple, I was shocked to notice I could still pull my left leg through with precise little spins.

I didn't have any power, and it was a grueling effort to maintain, but I could actually still use the leg… and I have never had any function at all in that leg by the end of the Lollipop.

By the time I got to the car, I was sure my back was going to explode with the effort, but my knee still wasn't hurting, and my leg was actually still pulling through.

Additionally, Mary said I was only just a little ways behind the second group.

Brilliant.

Except when I got home I was still scared to stand up out of the car, but when I did: nothing spasmed.

While I was walking the bikes in I noticed, "Fuck. That's odd. My knee doesn't hurt at all."

I still caught my breath when I started up the stairs, but, "Shit. My back doesn't hurt, and I don't feel a fucking thing going up these stairs… and I'll be damned if I don't actually feel stable in hips and pelvis.

I started to tell Widder about it, but she was all full of herself for having so easily stayed 40 minutes with the Portugreasicans at just under 21 mph using the techniques I've been schooling her on (using only her download power data) for the last couple months.

It only cost her 140 watts to do it, due to her insane 117 lb Power to Weight Ratio spec.

Not to mention, she was just about beside herself with excitement anticipating how proud I would be that she knew just exactly when to back off and not fuck up the work we've been doing to make her better, not worse.

She didn't show much interest in my own performance, so I just had to mutter to myself, "Hmmm, a full ride of functional left leg, then a pain free unpacking, then a progressively more stable pelvis and hips… all things considered today's ride didn't seem like much, but it was 3 times... better than I ever did before!"

I did good on Ridgebury today.

The fucking Hump ain't in Spain!

HUMP REPORT

Dangerous Dan Sullivan won the Mallorcan Hump today.

That was after he told the Frogs the wrong course back!

Wonder what's in the backpack. >>>

Fuck the Greeks and the WMF.

Lets get the WHO to put together a few armadas of antideppresants and ship them off to the Portuguese.

Better hurry before they all shoot themselves in the head.

And I thought my own life was bad.

Turns out it has not been all that sad after all.

Here's what I was wondering.

I understand criminality is a matter of intent, and intent follows the bullet.

So if you mean to shoot somebody else, but hit the wrong person, you are still charged with first degree murder.

If you rob a bank with a toy gun, it is still considered armed robbery.

And if you yell, "FIRE," in a crowded theater, you are in trouble even if you didn't set a fire.

Probably the most striking example of this is how I can't have kiddie porn even if the people in the photos are not actually kids but just really, really look like kids… not even drawings of kiddies.

So my question is:

If I get caught smoking fake marijuana but think it is real, do I still go to jail?

His picture is on the cover of newspapers, magazines, and all over the place, but just why did Turtle Boy try to blow up his car in Times Square?

"Ok, we put the top on it, and it stopped, but we couldn't get the oil out of it, so we pulled it back off again."

"Better get the politicians and media out here pronto, so we can make sure nobody notices what we did."

Usually you would have something to say about that.

Spill your guts, SlingShot.

Algorithm is just the technical term for program.

Otherwise, Jesus!

1000 points?

In 40 minutes?

Due to program trading?

That is one motherfucking slow-ass computer.

What are they using, a Mac?

Somebody looked back on Ridge and said you had turned back for home.

Crackhead Ryan whined me into the ride by telling me it was going to be very mild, and nobody would be pushing it due to most of the assholes having already left for Mallorca.

I was already worried about my knee after my workout with Widder and a 45 second 440 watt chase of that Mountain Biker on slicks in the red T-shirt on the last flat before the Airplane Park turnaround in Monroe.

Maybe it was Hollywood, but who knows, I backed off when I realized my knee was going to be squeaking if I didn't.

Anyway, I was still taking a chance by going out with the group, but as it turns out Ryan was correct, and nobody really was pushing it… except for Ryan of course .

[follow-up to chat5072]

<<
> So the plan is to have the book(s)
> for sale at the Big Wall sometime?
>>

It was the plan until we got around to taking a few copies over to the Paramus location last week.

We stuck them on the rack just like in the Newburgh location, and I looked around and realized it really is a total waste of time.

What used to be The Great Wall of Books has now been cordoned off by an actual wall, so even the room itself no longer exists to the public.

Also the former row after row of giant bookshelves downstairs has long ago been chopped to bare minimum chest height racks with only sparse product on what remains.

What happened first to the computer books has now happened to all the others.

I pointed out to Mary how even the depth of the shelves has been shaved so that what stock is left can fill up space best it can.

The only sales help activity seemed to be in the used book room where a few of the employees did actually appear to be involved in logging stuff into the database.

Unfortunately, the musty order of dust and decay one typically finds in roadside used book stores has migrated from the used book section and now permeates the entire building.

Looks very much like somebody's trailer park home.

Sad.

<<
> Calorie Counter for Android, downloaded
> via the Android Market on the phone.
> This thing is way cool, almost like Bob
> Fugett himself wrote it. I have been
> using it for about a month now. Here is
> the supporting website
> http://www.fatsecret.com/ .
> The damn thing uses the camera
> to scan barcodes on packages so you
> don't have to search for them
> in the database, brings up the label
> on screen just like on the package,
> just crazy. The tabs along the bottom
> of the webpage are exactly what you can
> do on the hand held and yes
> it syncs….:) -j
>>

Incredible!!

Never understimate the effort that went into getting fuckers to put that shit on their labels.

I was reminded of it yesterday when I saw a commercial for how much more wonderful Smart Balance Milk is than the regular stuff.

Actually, the "commercial" was hidden in "content," so one would think it was not a commercial but a health care professional providing actual advice.

So I went to their website thinking, "Yeah? So much better? Let me just check the ingredients."

The website went out of the way to avoid presenting the basic facts which they are forced to put on the actual product, so I still don't know.

However, I am pretty sure it won't be very long before a way is figured out to avoid putting anything at all useful on package labels as well.

That way everybody can drop the last vestiges of the 0 Trans-Fat red herring and get back to full force selling pure unadulterated saturated fat--the way they want to.

Fuckers.

Well, johnson, thank your lucky stars you live in a time where actual information (and a great Droid app) is still passed around for those who care. -b

I have the entire promotional campaign already designed, because the promotion is 99.99% of the product, but I have not yet decided on the appropriate name.

In essence the product works like this.

It is a device that performs a very particular task with lots of room for infinite variations on the same basic theme.

The kicker (and best part) is how the promotional campaign states one thing while the device actually does exactly the opposite.

It is supposed to aid a basic bodily function, but in fact the use of the product actually tends toward destroying the exact fuunction that it is stated to help—even cure.

Isn't that great?!

I only have to get people to try it, then their use of it will cause them to need it even more than they did in the first place.

Logically, on the surface it will appear that the device would HAVE to work, and very few people will ever bother to think any deeper than that.

Pure genious, but I need a name, and it would be nice if the name itself follows the same logic ...that it would HAVE to work.

I bet you can come up with the solution and give me the name without letting everybody else in the world know about it.

What should I call it?

Hover for:

THE ANSWER

WAYWAYANDA REPORT

In a lightly publicized but much vaunted Mountain Bike Race at Waywayanda this weekend, local favorite and Kain contender Jaimie Rich took 4th place with a time of 2:05:46.

That race is of special interest due to the fact it is the very selfsame one in which the famed Hollywood got his start by having his wings clipped in the final yard and a half while primping his hairpiece.

Good thing we had a reporter on the ground, or nobody would have even ever heard about it, which would have been three more than the number of people who give a shit.

That picture of Kevin, Sean and them was Photoshopped.

Here's the unretouched original photo. >>>

And by the way, Sean now understands how things work. >>>

What did he say about Cranky's ass?

We just talked about Egoscue, and how my knee is now functional due to my finding out it wasn't a knee problem so much as my ass, and how the book might help his brother who just got diagnosed as "knee surgery worthy."

We gave Pman the name of the book, and showed him how he should turn to the bottom of page 79 first thing, where it says:

"If you were in pain we wouldn't be doing anything other than the three basic exercises…"

I mentioned how odd it is to have that buried so far into the book when personally I already had pain before page 1.

It is always fun to see how shocked people are by how rudimentary those three exercises are (actually only two because the third is just a variation on the second) when Mary demonstrates.

I'd better post a link to the Egoscue Book on Amazon, with a reminder to read the bottom of page 79 onto 80 first.

Egoscue Book on Amazon

Go directly to page 79 bottom.

I guess I should thank Lauren Warren again for the tip.

HUMP REPORT

Fuck the Hump, we got 2nds and 3rds to report.

Kevin Haley, Glenn Babikian, and John Perrela.

In an actual race (2010 High Point Hill Climb) it was:

2nd - Kevin Haley (24:06)
3rd - Glenn Babikian (24:16)
3rd - John Perrela (28:14)

Kevin's 2nd was in Men's 45+, Glenn's 3rd in Men's 45+, and John's 3rd in Men's 55+.

Overall standings were:

Kevin - 15th
Glenn - 18th
John - 56th

Probably none of these results will mean a thing to nobody without attaching the names these riders are known by to their actual race names so:

Glenn Babikian is Pretty Boy while we all know John Perrela as Catskills John, and Kevin Haley goes simply by the term DouchTARD.

Also, it appears you have decided the Dan Sullivan listed with a 29:36 was not our very own Dangerous Dan due to the Cat 4/5 Unattached status.

While SlingShot did his floor exercises yesterday morning, Widder was sent out to deliver copies of Impulse and Strength to the Warwick and Chester Public Libraries, because a web search had shown the original 1992 copies were lost, destroyed, stolen, or not returned.

Mary reported, "I brought the book into the new Warwick Public Library (it is absolutely beautiful), and they treated me like royalty. The librarian took the book from me, gasped slightly, and handled it like it was a fine piece of jewelry."

SlingShot replied, "That's because it is."

What the hell? That is insane! I tried to find some flaws with the workmanship and could not really come up with anything.

From the UV Coating on the cover to the compensation of the pages themselves the book is dead nuts on quality wise, very impressive work.

I took the book and flipped the pages like those books we used to have as kids, putting things into motion when you flip through, remember?

By doing that you can see pretty quickly when banners and headers (like yours at the top of each page) don't line up —also the page numbers at the bottom and even boarders on the left and right of the page.

They were all as spot on as it can get.

I like the paper stock, nice and clean.

That is a very nice print job and never even talked to a human, wow!

What company did the work? -j

But when it came time to really put the rubber to the road with regard to getting the book information available to every database on the planet (as promised), there was a slight bait and switch situation.

An A5 size disqualifies the book from their "Global" service.

In addtion, having my own ISBN disqualifies it from everything else, even their most basic "get it listed."

That happened because any click onto "qualification" requirements brought up the full list, not just the qualified listings nor those associated only with the A5.

Add to that the fact the "disqualified" part of the text was center justified and barely distuinguishable from the "is qualified" text, and the result was I only scanned down the left side to make sure I was good to go and didn't find out until after the finalized book languished in a holding pen for several days, and I finally had to write to a human.

However, that happened well after I had the copies from what is the 11th revision done online without having to talk to nobody.

The first 10 got here with broken descenders on the KeyTap logo on the front cover due to my own negligence.

The book is now showing up on LuLu's own site if you search for "fugett," while I have a theory on how to get it responding via an ISBN search, but I am waiting for their database to update before I can confirm it.

In the meantime, the ISBN registration at Bowker is finally starting to populate throughout the known universe, but that seems partly due to an aborted account setup at Amazon (which page is available through other search engines, but does not show up on a direct Amazon search).

In any case, AMAZON turned out to be THE WORST.

Mary spent a couple hours wading through and filling out online forms but wasn't told until after the check cleared (so to speak), "Oh, no. With that account you can only sell stuff ALREADY LISTED ON AMAZON, not your own stuff."

To which she responded, "Why would I want to do that?!"

To which the phone tech responded, "I don't know."

In any case, LuLu remains a good print service, even though a hard cover and publishers grade paper is unavailable to the A5 size, which bums me out, because that is EXACTLY the size I want… for this book and the three others I'm working on.

Otherwise, out of the 33 copies I received so far there were only 3 seconds, which they offered to replace or credit, but I said it was acceptable and a much better percentage than I had myself when I burnt up a LaserJet II printing them back in the day.

I told them to just spend the time and money working on the A5 problem.

Here's my extended plan, but don't tell anybody, because this can probably only work once.

I thought it would be nice to see the book ████████████, so I had Mary █████████████.

It has been about two weeks, and they ██████████.

Tonight we checked and found one had been carefully ██████████████ with the title and author's name still prominantly █████████████.

I would really like to be a fly on the wall when somebody finally ██████, and they try to █████████.

In the meantime, one of my CD's just sold to somewhere in California —who knows how, and to who knows whom as final user.

Weird shit. -b

BTW: Here's a picture of one of the problem copies: obviously a cutter error, plus a justification error of the spine text. >>>

I just got word that one of my Factory Preset CD's sold through my distributor, to one of the world's largest distributors, and on to… well, the trail gets rather murky there.

It was probably one of you motherfuckers bought it through Amazon, or E-bay, or CDUniverse, or Barnes & Noble, or Borders, or your local music store, or something even worse.

This is the first time my music has sold to somebody outside my own view, that is to say to who the fuck knows whom, where the fuck knows what, so it will be going out into the cold hard world all on its own, and I feel fairly disjointed unconnected and queezy.

Plus the 30 cents that trickles back to me, is going to put me in a higher tax bracket.

Fuck all ya's.

I clicked on your link to their website but found it gone, and when I tried to find a copy of the magazine, I found The Hudson River Museum & Gallery Guide has gone totally out of business.

What happened?

WIDDER'S 23+ HUMP REPORT

This morning Widder reached a milestone in her bench press routines.

She is now back to the level she was at last winter before going to (weightless) Florida, but this time she got there in only 3 weeks, instead of the 3 months it took last time.

Her longtime coach and asshole husband, SlingShot, told her that as soon as he sees consistent lifts like the four or five perfect form, perfect pace, perfect process presses she did this morning (with significant verbal enouragement), he will start her on actual power lifting exercises which will bring her rather quickly to the next level.

SlingShot himself reported that during his rest interval exercises (which he uses to check his own functional baselines while Widder psychs up for her next set), he is now walking up and down the test steps with absolutely no pain in his left knee—whatsoever.

In fact his exact words were, "Last year I had the "up the stairs" part somewhat controlled, but I still couldn't go down them without significant pain, and even after I got to the point where it was only sporadic significant pain, there remained a couple centimeters of impossible flexion.

Now I can go down those stairs pain-free, and even beyond that, it's to the point where I have to say it actually feels GOOD.

I'm glad I kept focused on the problem long after your regular run-of-the-mill losers (like Widder used to ride with) would have considered the problem solved.

Of course, I've still got a ways to go."

Thank goodness for the objectivity of power meters.

Too bad about this:

Two CPU's, same fucking problem.

No fucking fix.

I just got my State Income Tax bill.

Obama promised to ease up on my tax burden, but my bill for the State was $8.00 !!!

That's as low as I could get it, even with an paid Accountant doing most of the work.

Not six or seven, but eight whole dollars.

I'm joining a damn Tea Party, and fuck Obama.

You know, lots of people avoid this problem by simply not filing and not paying.

I mean what are they going to do, throw you in debtor's prison or deport you?

Of course, I'm not suggesting you don't pay the IRS (actually due to my position as leader in chief of the Internet I'm not really allowed to suggest much of anything); I'm just saying there are ways to sidestep the problem.

Oh yeah, and fuck Obama.

The view during the day of a distant ridge circling 360° was spectacular, so I couldn't wait to see the same unobstructed view of the night sky.

I expected something like a planetarium projection, but what we found was even more ambient light interferance up there than down in the valley.

What during the day was a shimmering ring of distant mountain ridges was at night a ring of man made fire obscuring stars up to 20 or 30 degrees elevation and smearing the rest… and that was in the late 70's.

Who knows how bad it is now.

It reminded me how the people I knew who did a lot of hiking would sometimes mention that despite how "deep in the wilderness" they got, they never found a place where they couldn't still hear auto and air traffic.

When Approaching Sugar Loaf from Chester on the Kings Highway, what is the name of that mountain that pops up briefly on your left with the shear rock face on it’s right side?

Do people climb it or anything?

That very unique mountain is called Sugar Loaf Mountain, and it is called that because the shape of it is very much the shape of how sugar used to come packaged as a big purple lump broad at the bottom and rounded at the top.

There are many, many, many such shaped mountains all over the world named the same and for the same reason.

They are shaped that way due to being dead (or supposedly dead) volcanos, but that shouldn't surprise you, because I'm sure you are aware the Palisades are themselves made of volcanic rock while the local nuclear power station sits on a rather active tectonic fault line.

Most people tend to lose sight of such things, and it takes something like the wholesale world wide shutdown of air travel, or 3 or 4 hundred thousand have to wake up dead one morning under construction debris for them to be reminded.

Ironically, there is a little hamlet called Sugar Loaf at the foot of the mountain you mention, same name, same place… weird.

I looked up some of the Sugar Loaf Mountains on Google maps, and you'd be surprised how often there is a town, village, or city with the exact same name as the mountain right at its foot.

Probably nobody ever noticed that before.

People do climb up there (likely not on the face because it's pretty much of a yawn), and there is even local lore of a preservation trail leading to the top, but that is just lore propogated by a couple people who wanted to self-agrandize by pretending to do something when actually all they did was watch as a logical preservation easement was mapped across some development's back yards.

That easement really goes almost nowhere near the mountain, but there are tractor trails that take you almost to the top, and stream bed paths to get you the rest of the way.

When we were new to Sugar Loaf in 1976, we used to climb up there every fucking day using a little hand built bridge (built by the Tanners and local shop keepers) to get across the swamp in the back of Scott's Meadow and up along a treed fence line beside an open field accessing a stream bed trail just under a thicket opening on the forest side.

There is a 360° unobstructed view of Warwick Valley at one spot on the top (near the U.S. Geodetic Survey medallion) from which we once did a series of panoramic photos to show people—back when I didn't hate every human on the planet and tried to get every "city" person I ran into to understand why living out here in the country is the bomb… back when this was the country.

We often used to go up there at night using a flashlight to scare off the Copperheads, which really do exist there but actually closer to the so called perservation easement along the back of those development homes rather than on the mountain itself.

I stopped going up there when it was clear that my fucking dog was just going to sit on my head and pant loudly into my ear, when the only thing I really wanted to do was lay on my back in the sun at the top and listen to nature—away from the growing number of cars, trucks, chatters, and bullshits down in the valley.

The other reason we stopped going was due to the fact that building a little art/music business was so close to impossible it took every goddamn second of our lives 24/7 for about 30 years in a row, so we got out of the habit.

By the time I got back around to wanting to go up there, I had been on (and off again) the local Planning Board, so I was way too aware that the mountain (along with the trails going up to it) are very precisely situated on PRIVATE PROPERTY.

Plus the tree lined fence trail and little bridge are themselves long gone and rotted into history or destoyed by tract developments in the great tradition of urban sprawl.

I wouldn't have a clue how to get there anymore, even though my much improved knee, back, and hip situation would allow me.

But no matter, in the meantime I found a substitute for the buzzing and chirping nature sounds at the top of the mountain: that being my tinitus which I can listen to very well from the floor of my bedroom.

I was scared and knew I was looking at something inexplicable, something in the sky.

At first I hoped it was just a trick of my eye, but I found it again, and it hadn't really changed.

It was truly out of place in the sharp pin points of stars, but I had come across the fuzzy little thing by accident.

There was nowhere to run, and I only thought, "Holy… it looks like it's got ears! Maybe it's a flying saucer. Maybe all the reports are true. Mom said they saw a bunch of them over by West Jefferson just last week."

Scared is one thing, not being able to do a fucking thing about it is quite another, so I swallowed terror while trying to clean the telescope eyepiece then lense.

When I crouched back around to look again, it was gone, and the relief was considerable.

I bumped slightly against the nearest foot of the tripod, and the thing jumped back into view.

I was shaking as I carefully adjusted the focus ever so slightly, but it only blurred more, and I thought, "A ghost Mickey Mouse? In the sky? This is not good, not good at all."

I turned the focus ring the other direction and POP!

The object fell into sharp focus and by-fucking-golly there it was, just sitting there silently surrounded by black with absolutely no pretention at all, being just exactly itself and nothing more.

Saturn.

Rings and all, the gray little head of a pop-rivet (but much smaller) floating exactly there and no place else.

For a fourteen year old who had snuck into his front yard with his father's telescope, it was a revelation, and the next few weeks were spent intensely scanning the skys for more such stuff and learning what all the groups and attractive singularities were.

There were those little pin-prick moons just hanging close and watching Jupiter, Sun spots carefully viewed with a sun filter which no 14 year old should ever have access to nor information on how to use.

The whole affair with the sky charts and telescope lasted about two weeks, a career in astronomy by teenager standards, and the images still sit in my head to provide some sense of guidance a half century after.

So much so that when Widder saw a TV commercial for mobile phone starmaps last week and said, "I wish they made one for MY phone," I immediately downloaded one and started trying to figure out which of these things are still here since most of everything else is gone.

I figured everybody (including Widder) should have the opportunity to see firsthand how that tiny little Saturn just sits there so quietly just being itself without pretension.

Not to mention, you can see it with just about the cheapest telescope made in China and bought used on eBay.

Unfortunately, I had lost all sense of where the Big Dipper, Little Dipper, Polaris, Cassiopeia, Pegasus and the Andromeda galaxy should be.

A couple nights in the backyard and I was still a bit confused until I noticed I could put in any location and date I wanted into the phone's software, so I put in London, OH, middle of November, 1964… and motherFUCKER, there was the sky I remembered.

After that my orientation to the night sky cascaded, till this evening I found the Moon, Mars and Venus like nobody's business, and after an afternoon chasing a skinny ass old woman up Iron Forge, Demarest, Ackerman, 94, and the Special Hill (among other attractions) at that.

Still, I am a little more than aggravated to find the Sugar Loaf nighttime ambient lighting has gotten so bad that our backyard observatory (where Widder once made me get up at 4 in the morning to watch a meteor shower) has been obliterated.

I turn my back on you assholes for a mere half century, and you go and fuck the whole thing up.

Like Joni said, "Don't it always seem to go..."

Turns out it wasn't mysterious strangers after all.

It was just Fast Jimmy, not to be confused with Sissy Boy who himself is not to be confused with Pretty Boy and neither of whom are related to Turtle Boy nor his father Hell Boy aka Zirra, but only Fast Jimmy who brought a couple friends down from Lake Placid to help him win The Hump (good luck).

Anyway, you remember Fast Jimmy, he has the Tattoo of Ivy climbing up his calf (which Widder has never stopped talking about), and the last time you saw him was at some party where he was beaming and chattering like he hadn't had anybody to talk to in an eon.

He explained it this way, "I am so fucking excited to have somebody to talk to, the women just ride all day and are in bed by 7, nobody to talk to."

Got it?

Now it's coming back to you: that was when he was trainer/coach for the Advil Pro Women's Team whom he also brought back with him once to blow the fucking Hump apart, which they did.

Remember?

Fast Jimmy, a once-upon-a-time Hump regular.

Only Fast Jimmy and crew.

When I heard people were showing up from all over the place, like from Lake Placid, I got scared I was doing too good a job of making the Hump sound interesting and would have to shut down the ARC website to protect a national treasure.

Everybody, back to what you were doing.

Anybody get any pictures?

HUMP REPORT

Chilly, huh?

I rode over to Big V, because we had an Officers Meeting.

There were about 4 that went out, including Dropper and Chester Petie Pete.

Promotional consideration for this week's Hump Report provided by… >>>

This year it has been a little extra work, because all the unfinished business we finished this winter (already chronicled here) took up a lot of time, so other things got a little more behind than usual… but that's not the point.

One always aggravating project is getting the lights in Mary's side gallery and back Museum Room all on and shining.

These are very expensive low voltage museum display lights, and they took a lot of effort to find, install, and maintain.

We have always been surprised at the number of times we do NOT find these lights being used in even some of the other highest end art spaces.

Probably the expense and difficulty of maintaining them is the reason, but that's not the point.

What we noticed this year is that one bulb had totally blown, so I had to get up the ladder, remove it (a four stage, multi-aggravation process), only to find that the replacement bulbs on hand had corroded from lying around.

There goes another $1000, but that's not the point.

We also made note of the fact that some of our currently running museum bulbs have been burning in full business mode for 9 years, and that reminded us about all the new "high cost, energy efficient, long lasting bulbs" installed recently that tend to burn out immediately despite years and years promised.

Also how they are more energy wasteful and expensive to run than our venerable old low voltage, super expensive, on immediately, warm, perfect display incandescents.

Not the point.

In climbing up and down, I remembered the last few years doing it when I could barely get up the ladder on my fucked up knee unsupported by my fucked up back trying to balance on my fucked up hip, and coming down was even harder.

However, this year I was quite comfortable on the ladder, because my knee is shitloads better with my hip and back more engaged.

Unfortunately, this improvement is not yet at a level which causes much difference in my cycling, because weight gained while working on basic functioning has removed the net overall effect in performance… but not the point.

When I first started up the ladder, I realized I had to take a moment to engage my hip and back correctly using techniques I've worked on during every ride since I finally whittled down my understanding of where the problem lay hidden.

I carefully wake up and enlist the correct dozen or so muscles that have become dysfunctional over years of neglect and misuse, but are now coming back around and allowing me to walk up and down stairs, not to mention on the flat without a limp… but that's not the point either.

Recently I have been bailing out of competitive hill climbs and hard intervals when my power meter shows me I've wandered into the red zone well before I feel it, and well before my HR Monitor decides to mention it.

Otherwise, I would still be in the same mess as the last dozen years, but being cued when to back off (despite the voices screaming in my head to grab that wheel and not let go) has allowed me to actually get stronger, more functional, and more comfortable.

So people actually can get better without invasive procedures, if they pay attention to the details, and that's the point.

Lauren,

Looking to train with Powertaps. Have never spent the money because I want to make it worth it, instead of a fancy toy.

Do you have any information on training "properly" with a power tap?

Thanks!

Alan Dawkins

I answered Alan with:

One of the best people to contact on this is a man by the name of Bob Fugett. He is a Powertap fanatic and very educated on the subject! I will pass along your info to him and his wife Mary. Two of the most fun and best cyclists you could ever ride with down in Sugar Loaf :o).

So:

Bob and Mary a big *hello* to you both!

Welcome back from Floriduh!

Alan is a dear friend and awesome cyclist.

B can you assist him please? Thank you! Can’t wait to catch up with you both!

Hugs and love to all reading this :o).

O.k. DD you are in the best of hands!

Make sure Alan has seen Cycling Performance Simplified (such as it is), and if he has any questions e-mail 'em in.

I'll answer them here in the Chatterbox, and if he wants, we'll get together to show him Pop-watts, Spun Crystals, The Flightcheck, and explain the importance of Power to Torque ratio over Power to Weight.

And of course the essence of performance cycling simplicity stated in the formula:

t @ PW.

Plus we'll show him how power training is much better than heart rate training alone… because by the time your HR Monitor tells you there's a problem, it is too fucking late.

Things like that.

Also, I can check him out on the FMS Screening Kit (if you haven't done that already), and some specialty screens I developed just for cycling, because the most important thing is to start with correct bilateral functioning, but then everybody already knows that… especially if they've been hanging around Lauren Warren — The Queen of Symmetry.

In any case, maybe we could all get together for a ride on the flats somewhere, because the absolutely best way to train for hills is in on the flats.

But I've already said too much and probably pissed off the remainder of ARC readers who weren't already pissed off by your suggesting that I might know something about training with power.

Have Alan hurry before I start charging people for this sort of stuff, and before I put the final touches on my looking just like a fat-assed toad.

Now, all elements are tested and in place for bringing Cycling Performance Simplified to market.

Time to get out on our bikes and make up for yesterday's missed Interval Tuesdays over on Wisner.

SlingShot will not be there, because he must recover from yesterday's main course Portugreasican beat down with a Widder hammering for dessert.

Here is Zirra's address, so everybody can add it to their twitter friends-faces or whatever they call it:

kevinhetzel@hotmail.com

Otherwise, everybody might like to write Widder and remind her that I am correct about e-mail and the Internet:

spatzpup@aol.com

If she fails to write back to you stating, "SlingShot cannot be reached in this manner (or any other)," please report her to the authorities.

And don't forget:

richjamie2@yahoo.com

Once in every year or two, somebody wanders in here and thinks this is a real place to be and not just some stuff I write to keep the voices quiet in my head.

Widder herself doesn't seem to get it, so she sometimes gives me stuff to post which always turns out to be half the story at best with most of that half wrong besides.

Leading up to this case, she missed giving me Jamie's name in some results, and added Shawn's name to some already posted results and mispelled it besides.

All that (among other things) has led Hollywood to think giving a shout out here would be read by Shawn.

In fact, one is just as likely to reach Lance, or Floyd, or Contador, or Eddie Merckx as they are likely to reach Shawn Herndon by posting here.

As far as is known, Shawn has never even heard of this website, and his name is only on my local database, because it showed up in an e-mail broadcast list, and I wanted to make sure I had correct spelling.

Here's the list in case anybody in the world wants to get on it:

Cc: "ALLEN, GENE D \(DOUG\), ATTSI" ,
"dan" ,
"Dan Sullivan - Home" ,
"Dave Parker - Team DKNY" ,
"Freifelder David \(E-mail\)" ,
"George Meyer" ,
"Glenn Babikian" ,
"Humberto" ,
"Joe Straub" ,
"Kevin Haley2" ,
"Mary Beth Henderson" ,
"McNeilly Wood Products" ,
"Paul Levine - Signature Cycles" ,
, "Tad Barone"

Most actual communications between cyclists (not to be confused with Chatterbox nonsense) is done through these e-mail lists, and anybody wanting to get on such a list should merely write to anybody on that list and ask to get on it… and then pay the spam price for participating.

Personally, if I ever get a note from somebody that has such a list attached, I immediately block them from my e-mail address while my main e-mail address is blocked to everybody except a couple services that never spam me and find that old address is more or less a legal contact point.

Which reminds me: Zirra sent me a list like that a few years ago, so I blocked him immediately and have no idea whether he ever wrote another thing… because of course I never see it.

In an effort to help explain all this to Widder please everybody put her e-mail address on as many broadcast lists as possible, so she will have to close out her own account, and I can go back to studying French in a futile effort to finish my degree.

Her address is: spatzpup@aol.com, and that address can be used for all ARC related stuff as well, because she has firm instructions never, ever, never to mention a single thing to me about it—a directive she has recently violated causing me extra morning chores.

Also, in order to save Hollywood from himself and the aggravation of writing things here to people who won't even come close to reading it (such as Lance, Floyd, Eddie, Shawn, etc), everybody please put this e-mail address on all their broadcasts as well:

richjamie2@yahoo.com

I will do my own part in helping save Hollywood from himself by shutting down the Chatterbox submittal forms to the public once again while leaving them open only to the demons in my head.

Quite franky, I am riding so piss poorly this year (what with 1/3 the usual mileage, etc) that any consideration of anything I have to say as holding the slightest interest to actual riders is pure fantasy anyway.

Years ago, I was sitting with Widder in the Chester Diner, and our very best friends at the time were sitting at the booth diagonally across from her, and it was 45 minutes before she noticed them… and only then because I pointed them out.

I think they had decided she was ignoring them on purpose.

So when somebody comes in, stands in front of her blank stare, and asks, "Know who I am?" her knowing who it is, is about as likely as the studio being open in the first place.

As for me, I was sitting on the back porch, heard the conversation, thought it was a customer, bolted down the back stairs hoping to circle around, sneak up the front stairs, till I heard, "BOB, It's that asshole Todd, you've got 2 seconds."

As for the dirt roads, what dirt roads?

Hell the smooth clay was better than some of the paved roads we have around here.

I think we were saved by the rain on Friday, which left the roads damp, so no dust and but for a few bad lines, no real gravel to contend with.

I rode on 23 Vittoria Open Corsa Evo CX without incident.

I got myself in the 9:15 Cat 4 field, with meant I had to leave home at around 4:30—too friggin early.

When I arrived, it was a lovely 37° and over cast, nice change from the 92° we hit on Wednesday.

To make things a little more pleasant, we had a few snow flurries at the lineup.

So the race is off, 70 man field…and I am riding unattached while Paul, Bethel, Bicycle Therapy, Teany Cycling and Colavita all had a nice showing.

First 10 miles was a nice easy pace, too easy.

I had my plan: race smart…stay off the front…at least that’s what the little dude on a pink bike sitting on my shoulder was saying.

I did good for about 30 miles.

Not one pull at the front. I raced so smart I did not even use my breaks, as we rolled into the uphills and the peloton slowed, I just elbowed my way up the middle.

I descended the down hills like Rob back in the day, effortless for the first 30 miles.

About 30 miles in I saw a few riders off the front, I figured we were so friggin' fast were catching some stragglers from the group that started in from, but nope, it was two of our riders that had opened a 30 second gap and I also soon found out there were 3 more farther up with about a minute on us.

Some of the Bicycle Therapy guys started talking about reeling them in and that's when I fucked up.

I started pacelining with about 6 guys, pulling at 25+ into a strong head wind.

This went on for a while and when it was all over, the fuckers were still 30 seconds off the front plus about 20 or so from the peloton were still with us…where the fuck were they, why didn’t they take any turn at the front.

Oh yeah, I stopped listing the guy on the pink bike. I guess he went back and started talking to them.

After that bit of effort, we tried to reorganize, but most of the crowd turned into a bunch of pussies, and we let 5 guys just stay out front and take the race.

I now understand herd mentality.

The last long climb kicked my ass, as another 8 of so guys got away.

In any case, I managed to suck wheel like it was nobody’s business and pulled myself back to the group of 5 that I finished with…23rd, 3:00:51, first was 2:54:39, 10th was 2:59:31.

I was shooting for a top 20 spot, but out of respect for the guys who helped me to the finish, I did not contest the finish.

What the hell is the difference between 20 and 23 anyway?

Of course his nom is Hollywood, so it is unlikely that a word of what you say is true.

But if you are in here looking for answers, here is the answer to your question.

The specific difference between 20th and 23rd is this many. >>>

Tour de Battenkill
Quick Results

In the Masters division 50+ Kevin Douchebag Haley came in 22nd, closely followed by Dan Sullivan in 24th.

In the Masters division 30+ Dave Freifelder won 4th with Andreas Runggatsher finishing 14th.

In Cat 4 Shawn Heardon won 2nd.

Congratulations Little Danny Sullivan!

Your Munchkin friends will be very proud of you!

Should be pretty exciting… a hard double step smackdown effort early in the ride.

Wonder which Portugrease-an is going to come out on top?

Just where is your house anyway?

Are you aware your name is very similar to our good friend Humberto Cavalheiro's?

He's one of these guys. >>>

Pass it on for me if you can thanks!

Battenkill is real: Kain not so much.

Also, somebody ought to tell ddoT Chatterbox is currently open for bidness.

I will myself have to work the next month and a half just to get back up to "fat and out of shape."

"Due to the fact that Adobe has now become a spam factory while I have been unable to stop getting sales promotions regardless of how many times I have gone into my account and toggled off ALL e-mail, I have now begun blocking every address with the word Adobe in it and will scale back all use of Adobe products."

Can I self-report?

Jamie
AKA Hollywood

Also, you can tell us when you want to do it, and we'll come out and record it.

Either way, you do know that there are people who believe Lance cheated, or is it that they believe Lance did not cheat, or am I thinking about Floyd?

In any case, we live in a world that refuses to decide if we landed on the moon or not, so American Road Cycling's word on Kain results is probably not the most sought after accolade one might crave.

In large measure, doing Kain generally provides its own reward, but here you go… the Chatterbox forms are temporarily open for Kain talk. >>>

BIG DEAL IN HARRIMAN

We just got off the phone with Zirra via cell phone, and he and his crew are reported to be halfway up New Jersey on their way to Harriman.

12:00 pm (noon) at the old starting point going up 106 and into park to do the race course.

The parking lot East of the intersection of 106 (17A) and 17, just after the bridge of 17. From the junction of Rte. 17 & 17A, take 17A (106) east approx .1 mile over 17.

There is a park sign (Ramapo River Access) pointing down to the left for the parking lot.

At the bottom of the hill, ignore the go-right directional signal, and pull in to park on the left.

By the way staff, you also seem to be assuming that the bridge-out near the circle hasn't been totally removed.

Anyhoo, here's a map sort of. >>>

I waited a few minutes for a “by chance” opening as stated on the note on the front door.

Didn’t happen!

I’ll be in that area again soon, I’ll try again.

I guess we have to change "by chance" to "fat chance."

HUMP REPORT

We had a very large (sometimes out of control) group yesterday.

There were many riders I have never seen before.

The group stayed together for the most part and finsihed with a 22.0 mph avg.

I believe Kevin Haley won the sprint, and he was closely followed by Shawn Herndon and one of the younger riders whom I do not know.

Honestly, they were all too close to tell the order from where I was.

Tom Folkl went down on Heartbreak Hill (aka: Hardcore Hill), but I guess he was not injured.

Where the fuck were you two?

What'd you expect?

Those guys are winners.

"I have no clothes, and the clothes I do have I won't wear!"

He's looking so strong and light that Humberto quit cycling altogether just to avoid getting hurt trying to drop him.

I even mentioned that to Dan, and he went on and on about, "No way! Humberto can still kick my ass."

Yeah, maybe, but he wouldn't like the effort it would take to do it.

Fuck Dan, fuck his bike, and fuck his front wheel.

He didn't ask, I just promised I would do it.

He also wouldn't select which one to post, so I posted both, because I am sure he likes one of them less than the other, so whichever one he likes less—there it is.

I promised him that I would post the photo before he got home.

The 5:40.79 and under filter has been reapplied.

That race would have been my first ever win…in fact my only win. Never did better than second, what a shithead…I still don’t know where that fucker came from.

I had minutes on second place at the top of the last climb. He cut the course…I need to file a protest.

Everybody comfortable and settled in?

Good, here goes.

Once upon a time, way back when men were men, and they didn't wear pink, when cyclists were strong, and they never backed off, when cyclists as a group looked and acted like strong Euro working stock with a square dismeanor and a forthright attitude which never flinched in the face of work nor winced in the face of terrifying effort, way back then there was this rider who shone even above the rest.

This story is about him, and it happened during an epic mountain bike race, on a course which would be considered impossible by today's standards and against a pool of riders the likes of which the world has rarely known.

Up mountains that loomed over the riders like scowling henchmen, along slopes that made you lean back so far to peer at the top that it could only be accomplished with the help of somebody else pushing against your shoulder and stopping you from toppling.

Then down through great tight gashes of single track etched deep in bedrock by ancient rains too numerous to count, too ferocious to measure, and long since finished well before any record by man existed.

It was during this greatest race of all races that had ever been raced on that gruesome course, and which had gone on for days while one after another, rider after rider failed and fell to the side, and it was then when Hollywood won his name.

Few riders remained (bloodied and beaten almost beyond recognition) as they approached the final finish when the splendid surprise of sun broke across the specter of heraldic podium girls floating into position, primping their long locks lightly tossed in the remaining breeze (all that was left of several days racing torrent) their easy caresses feathering against their lips as they applied the final strokes of the reddest most red of lipsticks which were to briefly touch moist against the cheek of the winner, and it most certainly would have been a vision of paradise to our lone rider who was almost a quarter mile beyond the closest competitor, and the scene was surely rendered even more irresistible by the fitful spate of media photo flashes which had already begun to spark like distant lightening.

In any case, it was against this backdrop that everybody was turned to see our gnarled and weathered singular rider who was now within a whisper of fortune and fame beyond comprehension.

Therefore, it is no wonder that (at that very instant) Jamie Rich (our man of this hour) came to full knowledge of the necessity of savoring this very second while preparing for the media's onslaught about to explode.

He sat up slightly to tuck in his muddied and slashed jersey, he held up a single pedal stroke in order to doff his boyish curls slightly aside, he took but one extra breath to adjust his dirt caked glasses while brushing the last of the muck from off his knee… and at just that instant the second place rider passed him and into history.

So nommed was Hollywood receiving a second.

Paul Levine was there and told the story how Hollywood (remember a dozen posts back?) got his name.

But I'm tired of writing now, so I'll let Paul tell it in his own words.

Couldn't it maybe have been that little fiasco at Dr. Art's office when you got pissed off and went home?

I screwed up and let Widder pack my stuff, and when I opened up the front wheel bag I found she had put in another rear wheel instead.

I did get P.O.'d for a moment after asking Dangerous Dan if he might have a front wheel with him that I could use, but that shithead asshole only had one, and the cocksucker wouldn't give it to me, because the stingy bastard decided to use for himself. I got over that pretty quick, and got him back later when he asked for an extra water bottle at the beginning of the group ride anyway.

In any case, I only left after I phoned Widder, and she said she might find my own front wheel somewhere around the house, if I would just come back and get it.

So maybe I missed my warmup, but that's not what got me dropped.

I really think it is because this ain't last year and I shouldn't be showing up for rides.

Somewhere about half way up Ridge Road you became conspicuously absent.

What were you doing, another one of your drop off the back and time trial pacing the group?

Today I was in for the duration, no matter what it took.

Then I got dropped... and not by a little.

Fuck all yaz!

Although refreshments will not be served, we plan on engaging in a lively discussion about who may or may not remember what or what not about any such Hollywood characters, and why he was known to be such a dork.

There will be hills involved.

Please bring any mug shot photos of that Jamie fellow you may have picked up at the post office, so I can jog my memory.

Perhaps we can swing by the Chester Train Station to see if anybody shows up there, and maybe I can get my spring push from Rich.

You brought the sunshine home with you!

Maybe Bike Dr. will show up, give me my traditional spring push, wrench his arm out of socket, and explain to Jamie why I am such an asshole.

Case in point, look at the fucking reponse you e-mailed me:

"Yah, Bob, I am that Jamie.

I pissed my pants reading the posts over the past few evenings. I used to ride with the club back around 1995 through 1998. Paul Latrine and Dr. Rich more or less got me into road biking. My first road ride was actually with Paul. How romantic! I knew Paul before the "I Hate Paul Levine" club started. I remember the bike shop guys pissing and moaning about him selling to the club.

I first met Rob Chuvila on a mountain bike ride when I was wearing sweat pants, ski gloves, and a 1980s old-school, lycra covered helmet on what I think was a stolen Cannondale MTB that I bought from a friend for $50. Unbeknownst to me, they all thought I was a dork. I don't remember why, but I ended up buying a MTB from Dr. Rich, still ride it to this day, and in my first race took second. I earned a little respect and the aforementioned more of less took me under their wings. I was even in the elite group of compuweenies that got invited to Paul's basement on the weekends to beat the piss out of each other.

For what it's worth, my road bike also came from the Dr., and I still ride that bike. And a bunch of the other guys that I used to ride with also bought bikes from Dr. Rich….I still don’t know what all the pissing and moaning was about Mr. Serrata… anyway, looks like everyone stayed friends.

Later in life, Rob actually shared a house with me, didn't end well, but I got some great stories. No hard feeling on my part. I also spent my share of time with Dr. Art and Twin George. I had no idea what a comic genius Dr. Art is.

So long story short, after 6 or so years away from the sport, I am trying to get back into it. I am looking forward to getting Kained at some pont this season. I am shooting for a sub 5:30, but I often tend to over shoot.

In the meantime I'll enjoy the fiction. Hope to see you out on the road.

Best

Jamie
AKA Hollywood…Paul may remember."

What do I have to do to make it legal?

Also, you can go time yourself, and we'll believe you.

However, if you beat Joe Straub, he's not going to believe you under any circumstance.

Listen up guys, some poor unwitting soul just submitted an American Road Cycling contact form.

That happens about once every other lifetime or so.

I had to email back a warning about not believing everything they find on the Internet, plus a statement how all the people on the Membership List are mostly just names I took out of the phone book, more or less.

In any case, I always leave the Contact Form open just in case somebody somewhere comes across American Road Cycling, then can't post to the Chatterbox, plus can't find an email address for contact, but still really needs to get all the information about, "…don't you believe it," "phone book list,"etc.

Write that person back and tell them all that stuff, then turn off the filters for the Chatterbox submittal form—just for today.

That way they can respond here if they wish, and others can give you grief you about making up non-sense about having a boyhood Chinese friend.

I'm sure you are aware that it appears the person who filled out the Contact Form might be that Jamie guy whom ddoT mentioned as having done most of the pulling on the last Hump.

He probably found the people who showed up for the Hump so easy to beat that he thought, "Man, there's gotta be better riders than that around here. I'll do a Google search and find them."

There are, in fact, better riders around here, and he came pretty close to finding them.

Hopefully, few of the local un-Kained losers will take advantage of this breach in security to post their own drivel here while you allow Jamie a public response.

If I did, don't you think I would be better rounded and more worldly?

I enjoyed reading your chatter. Indeed, you did get a belly. I’m sure you can work it off with more riding.

Where in Florida are you? JC.

You are right, and riding does help take off the weight.

The previous photo was from a few years ago (when I was down about 40 lbs from my top), and last summer I spent one week under 150—which is to say a little below my high-school weight.

Here is a more recent photo. >>>

Going to leave us with anything while you're on the road?

HUMP REPORT

Un-unofficial Hump Report - 28° and windy, all the good talent stayed home.

Front group was Jamie (did most of the pulling), Paris, Palletman, Tri Mike Donnelly, Tom Mother Folkl, and club favorite all around nice guy hard to beat ddoT.

It was agreed by all to abandon the sprint due to power company trucks parked along the roadside.

Back in the old days we'd send one of the women off the front to pull a header into vehicles blocking the sprint!

The new owner happens by some Saturday morning and yelps, "Jesus! What's all this? Cyclists everywhere."

So they get in touch with their lawyer who says, "Yes, and that also means you've got significant legal exposure to liability if something happens, and unfortunately that group has been using that parking lot for years, so they have significant standing as using a public space."

"What the fuck can I do?"

"First write them a letter, and tell them it is ok to be there, but they need to get written approval by providing proof of insurance and asking for permission. That way they will admit in writing that they relinquish their significant legitimate standing as long-time users of what has become a de facto public facility."

"Then what?"

"The moment you get that letter, you write them back that you have contacted your attorney and was advised it is better to disallow use. Case closed. Cute, huh?"

"Really, it's that easy?"

"Basically, yes. Unless of course there is some bullshit American Road Cycling fuckheads who refuse to respond, refuses to comply, and continue enjoying their established rights that they have become accustomed to… which is to say they maintain their significant standing in what has become the public use of a public property."

"Oh, god!"

"Exactly. What are you going to do… sue them for failure to exist?"

Why so soon?

Did Widder ever make the turnaround?

You will definitely want your sound on loud for this one. >>>

Any improvement?

After much effort with pushups, pullups, and picking up dog shit all along neighborhood walks, we decided she needed something more to combine strength and coordination.

The left shoulder remains a bit of a problem, but through a rigorous series of Al Qaeda type monkey bar crossings, we have been able to get her upper body strong enough that she can now (with great strength and complete eveneness) forcefully throw down both hands at the same time.

Here's the video. >>>

34 years is a long time [for your home phone number].

I don’t have any such streak except for the paintings that Mary gave or I bought from Mary.

My google was not for Bob Fugett, but Robert Fugett and that is why I didn't get anything that made sense to me. I got to Equipose and got to your interview which linked me to Mary’s site.

That is how I was able to send a message.

I lost your contact info otherwise, and when I didn’t get to Fantasy Factory, I thought that you might have moved on to elsewhere.

I recalled that you went to NC and thought that maybe I would be able to touch base with you here.

What are you doing in Florida? It isn’t cold there. Recall when you were in Ohio and that will keep you warmer.

I can’t see you being fat so I’ll have to visit sometime or you can stop by on your way up to Sugar Loaf when you next head up there.

By the way congratulations on your doctorate. I hope you are not like other PhDs that I encounter often who don’t respect those without a doctorate.

Tell me more about how and why you got higher educated? I guess Dave can’t think he is better than us because of his degree. I’m really proud of you by the way. I think that is so great.

I chose the administrative route and am the compliance officer for East Carolina University.

You’re still with AOL. I remember when you first connected with AOL and at first you thought it was better than slice bread but later had some grumblings about it. I’m surprised that you stayed with them.

If you are looking for collaborators, send me your CV and a copy of your dissertation. I have some people that you might be able to collaborate with. Humanities are hard to find funding but not impossible.

Is you mom still around? Kam died abut 5 years ago.

How’s Mary doing?

So great to be talking to you again. We need to get together before it is too late. JC.

Also received your note from fugettsound about having the tape version of Factory Preset.

The tape version is still the best, because the master tapes were hydrolized by the time I re-digitized them for the CD.

Some endings got lost due to the tape arm sticking on the end splices.

I probably should have kept the digital machine that I used for running off the original cassette tapes.

BIG CAVEAT: you missed the link about how I do NOT have a Phd—along with the caveat about not believing everything you read online.

I never found an appropriate program (even though I would have paid for it myself with cash money), plus I am still working on my French just to finish my BA.

Therefore, Dave is still kicking our collective asses, but he deseves to.

In any case, I looked at the google returns again and realize I should mention CDBaby is the one site not my own.

CDBaby is somewhat of a vanity press for musicians, but they have a great process and did get Factory Preset available on iTunes, Amazon and everywhere else, while allowing me to say whatever the fuck I wanted to say about my work—which was the point after all.

As for AOL, it has become a progessively slower and more aggravatingly fucked up service in general, but it is my long standing email address with lots of legal type stuff going to it.

Interestingly, the bfugett address is now totally blocked due to spammers, but AOL got the spam under control enough for bfugett001 to have survived since 1996.

Part of that success has been my never ending battle telling people to get my name off their email broadcast lists.

Actually, Florida has been VERY cold this year, and St. Petersburg reports it is the coldest winter in recorded history.

We have not had the air conditioner on once, and the whole first two months felt like it was going to snow any minute, so we have barely gotten to ride our bikes at all, which is really why we are here.

My guess would be that global warming has caused what's left of the cold air over the remaining arctic glaciers to be sucked down across the rest of the country—which also explains why New York was plunged this summer into a tropical weather pattern which was ironically cold.

Otherwise, we are in Florida working on this:

23+ Widders Hump

I have also been working on this:

Cycling Performance Simplified

But that is somewhat on hold because of this:

Two CPU's, same fucking problem.

No fucking fix.

As for the rest of you guys who are reading this (both two of you), this is John Chinn my boyhood friend who was also my first ride partner.

We spent hour after hour after hour riding around the block where his parents had a laundry and my parents had a little hole in the wall corner diner.

We were always in trouble for rushing alley crossings without looking, running down shoppers outside of local businesses, and generally wreaking havoc in the most extravagent ways.

We used to build rockets out of matchheads, coke cans, and eventually taped tubes of paper reinforced with string trying to stop them from blowing up before launch, and that is just the tip of the berg.

The Dave he mentions was last reported to be working on recombinant DNA, and he used to routinely kick my ass in the 2 mile… but it is unlikely he could lick my wheel at any distance on a bicycle these days.

BTW John: I'm sure it is very hard for you to imagine, but I can be very fat when I want to.

There.

Two birds, one stone, time for morning chores.

There's got to be more Widder photos.

How's about an artistic one?

That is definitely NOT what I had in mind.

Palletman's putrid prurient interests aside, I was thinking more along the lines of one of those cycling related Widder does Dr. Art doing Steve Bauer photos.

You know, your traditional state of the Widder's 23+ Hump progress report.

Widder's 56 years old (soon), and the time for that type of photo is long past.

Besides, you are obviously writing from China, so the content would be filtered and you wouldn't see it anyway.

However, Palletman has been a good boy and is getting back in shape, so for all those who need a little help with their spring purging efforts... >>>

Let me explain.

Nothing has changed in the least, nor is it going to.

Personal bests.

This morning's weather reported St. Petersburg had the coldest winter on record, since records have been kept… early 1800's!

HUMP REPORT

Big Boys = Kevin, Sean, Glenn in front w/ some others. Then Doug, ddoT, 2 others in middle. Pallet off their back.

A's = Perella, Artic, Perfect Frankie, me in front.

Others off the back = Prince Louis, The Wall, Gapper, not sure who all else.

Patrick went with B's.

Pallet looked like he is getting back to his old self!!

Or, you could slow down a little and tell us who the "who all else" off the back were.

Get with some sort of program or another.

Sorry to hear Palletman is getting back to being the fat ass Irish fuck he once was.

It's an embarrassment.

Doesn't that get you worried, SlingShot.

They also refuse to call this baby Palmetto Bug a cockroach. >>>

Yesterday, we got to Fort De Soto just as they were raising the flag.

Think about what an interval feels like going into a headwind strong enough to hold a flag of this size and weight out at a right angle... sometimes actually upwards above vertical. >>>

First race comes around and what happens?

"Fuck you Humberto. You are on your own."

!!!

Put it in Chatterbox...I will pay when you come back.

However, here's a little story from Bethel that might pick you up:

When I went to pee in the portable bathroom the door was open, and when I went in there was a girl cyclist with her nice trimmed bush (nice black hair and no kids had ever come out of it).

When I went to say sorry... the word "nice" came out of my mouth.

Humberto Cavalheiro told us this story and swears it is more or less true.

All of a sudden you're on iTunes, Amazon, Barnes and Noble… just about everywhere.

You've got CD's, Mp3's, Kindle Books, paperbacks, hardcovers, the whole fucking chilada.

How on earth did you ever find time to get your stuff spread throughout the known universe like that?!

Two CPU's, same fucking problem.

No fucking fix.

"Je joue que j'aime !"
- Chuck Berry

But what you should do is help in the American Road Cycling takeover of Amazon.

Dr. Art's already got things going.

Check out his review. >>>

Turns out, no. >>>

CD Baby!

That's my kind of web site.

But if I may be so bold: generally I never take issue with any comment offered by our good friend Paris, but in this case I must take exception.

I do this with some degree of trepidation, because (all things considered) I will be treading on the cheapest words per count to have ever escaped Paris's lips, and I say this from my own personal experience which has been: to have never gotten within earshot of the girl without leaving considerably relieved of significant monetary weight.

Be that as it may, here is my alternative understanding of the scene Paris describes.

Not a peanut in fact, but in the photo it appears Bob is about to eat a button from a sport coat, so I was just wondering if this is a new fad diet thing.

Art

During today's intervals on the Fort De Soto test course, I finished up my 30 mins @ 226 watts just in time to pull over and drop Widder off for the start of her own at a little over 28 mph.

She planned to do repeats of 40 secs @ 300 watts with 2 min recoveries.

Immediately, I fell off the pace, and until we got home to download the data, I assumed it was because I was hammered from my interval and hesitated when she pulled around.

However, after we looked at the data, I felt a little better, because the chart shows that on coming around me she snapped on the afterburners to the tune of 463 watts, and held a 412 average for the first 5 secs.

That launched her scrawny little frame to 32.71 mph... on the UPHILL of the bridge!!!

Fuck.

The peanut you earned for being the first?

---------------------

From: humbertocav@aol.com
Date: Sun, 7 Mar 2010 22:18:08 +0000
To: Kevin Haley<khaley@warwick.net>
Subject: Re: Rides this weekend March 6-7


I did 2 races 3-4 and 1-2-3 ,51 miles total avg speed 25 mpr,on the first race I was in many breaks but nothing worked,on the second race just went for the ride
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with Nextel Direct Connect


---------------------

From: "Kevin Haley" <khaley@warwick.net>
Date: Sun, 7 Mar 2010 08:42:42 -0500
To: <humbertocav@aol.com>
Subject: RE: Rides this weekend March 6-7


Just have fun and get used to the race speed again. Work on the pack handling skills.



Good luck.




---------------------

From: humbertocav@aol.com [mailto:humbertocav@aol.com]
Sent: Sunday, March 07, 2010 8:04 AM
To: Kevin Haley
Subject: Re: Rides this weekend March 6-7



Ok,I am going to try bethel

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with Nextel Direct Connect


---------------------

From: "Kevin Haley" <khaley@warwick.net>

Date: Sun, 7 Mar 2010 08:06:16 -0500

To: <humbertocav@aol.com>

Subject: RE: Rides this weekend March 6-7



I will not be able to do it today. I’m not feeling great.






---------------------

From: humbertocav@aol.com [mailto:humbertocav@aol.com]
Sent: Saturday, March 06, 2010 5:42 PM
To: Kevin Haley
Subject: Re: Rides this weekend March 6-7



Maybe I will ride with you tomorrow

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with Nextel Direct Connect


---------------------

From: "Kevin Haley" <khaley@warwick.net>

Date: Sat, 6 Mar 2010 13:11:54 -0500

To: <humbertocav@aol.com>

Subject: RE: Rides this weekend March 6-7



25 mph for 1 hr. It is a little different than going 18 mph all winter. No crashes, Dave got a nice 3rd from the 6 up break.




---------------------

From: humbertocav@aol.com [mailto:humbertocav@aol.com]
Sent: Friday, March 05, 2010 8:45 PM
To: Kevin Haley
Subject: Re: Rides this weekend March 6-7



Why are you not racing bethel ?

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with Nextel Direct Connect


---------------------

From: "Kevin Haley" <khaley@warwick.net>

Date: Fri, 5 Mar 2010 20:03:32 -0500

To: <humbertocav@aol.com>

Subject: RE: Rides this weekend March 6-7



I’ll be racing in Newark tomorrow with Dave and going long and hilly on Sunday.




---------------------

From: humbertocav@aol.com [mailto:humbertocav@aol.com]
Sent: Friday, March 05, 2010 5:37 PM
To: gdallen@hvc.rr.com; danmcneilly@frontiernet.net; danfs@optonline.net; david.parker@businessexpertpress.com; dfreifelder@vtsd.com; gbabikian@optonline.net; gmeyer@hvc.rr.com; straubsfitness@optonline.net; keith53166@yahoo.com; khaley@warwick.net; khaley@inco.com; lynn28@optonline.net; marybe10@yahoo.com; mattcycles@hotmail.com; signaturecycles@gmail.com; rcruet@frontiernet.net; Rob.Haberbusch@usma.edu; sherndon1@hvc.rr.com; Spatzpup@aol.com; gbarone@mid-hudsonlaw.com; vansickles@optonline.net
Subject: Re: Rides this weekend March 6-7



I will be racing in Bethel on Sunday .



-----Original Message-----
From: gdallen <gdallen@hvc.rr.com>
To: gdallen@hvc.rr.com; Dan McNeilly <danmcneilly@frontiernet.net>; Daniel Sullivan <danfs@optonline.net>; Dave Parker - Team DKNY <david.parker@businessexpertpress.com>; Freifelder David (E-mail) <dfreifelder@vtsd.com>; gbabikian@optonline.net; george <gmeyer@hvc.rr.com>; Humberto2 <humbertocav@aol.com>; Joe Straub <straubsfitness@optonline.net>; keith hala <keith53166@yahoo.com>; Kevin Haley <khaley@warwick.net>; Kevin Haley <khaley@inco.com>; Lynn Meyer <lynn28@optonline.net>; Mary Beth Henderson <marybe10@yahoo.com>; Matt Lorenz <mattcycles@hotmail.com>; Paul Levine <signaturecycles@gmail.com>; Richard Cruet <rcruet@frontiernet.net>; Rob.Haberbusch@usma.edu; Shawn Herndon <sherndon1@hvc.rr.com>; Spatzpup@aol.com; Tad Barone <gbarone@mid-hudsonlaw.com>; vansickles@optonline.net
Sent: Fri, Mar 5, 2010 6:02 pm
Subject: FW: Rides this weekend March 6-7

Hello All:



Saturday HUMP and Sunday ride if you are interested.



Doug




---------------------

From: Mary Beth Henderson [mailto:marybe10@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, March 04, 2010 6:07 PM
To: Doug Allen
Subject: Fw: Rides this weekend March 6-7





--- On Thu, 3/4/10, Paul Labrie <cycler169@optonline.net> wrote:


From: Paul Labrie <cycler169@optonline.net>
Subject: Rides this weekend March 6-7
To: "Mary Beth Beth Henderson" <marybe10@yahoo.com>, "Steve Hoagland" <hoaglands@hvc.rr.com>, "Shawn Herndon" <shawnherndon@me.com>, "Tom Folkl" <tom151@msn.com>, "Mike Finnegan" <mfinnbills@yahoo.com>, "Rafael Miranda" <rem19902003@yahoo.com>, "Frank Wolfe" <fjwolfe@gmail.com>, "Ryan Muehlbauer" <REMuehlbauer@gmail.com>
Date: Thursday, March 4, 2010, 6:09 PM

Break out the suntan lotion we are riding in the sunshine and warm temps this weekend
Could Winter Nutz riding season be over.......not quite yet

Saturday March 6 9:00 AM Florida Quick Chek The Hump
Saturday March 6 6:00 PM Goshen Firehouse Parrttttttttty time
Sunday March 7 9:00 AM Space Farms Pine Island Bank of America

Artic

or a fucking twitter account.

I went on to explain that as for me, when one is at the very bottom of their game, they don't dissimprove so very much over time.

Rolled My Own eBook Reader

Are you happy to have hold of your own little point there?

I asked Kevin Haley what it all meant, and he said, "Not much."

How are you doing?

Guess your training is coming along in that nice warm air in Florida.

We all did a bunch of weight training this past weekend—moving mounds of snow.

No need for those push ups or pull ups last weekend.

When you coming back?

End of this month?

Doug

As for how we are doing, you must have missed the graph.

If you are unclear about it, ask Kevin Haley.

He'll know exactly what this means. >>>

You gave her some cockamamie story how going on out and doing the Fort De Soto test loop wouldn't really be 20 miles more, just 10 out and then 10 back with a tail wind after the wind would surely change.

You guys ended up doing 60 miles with a side wind that never changed, and it took 4 hours (without a break) due to traffic and a couple bridges up.

BTW: Nice graph, but as for the next day's Widder ride, what were you thinking?

I almost think I understand.

What are you doing today?

I've got charts.

Widder's success at getting a 3 (perfect) for MEN on her FMS pushup screen, pursuant to her 11 men's pushups earlier this month and current routine of repeats of chins and pullups, coupled with her almost totally square hips achieved over a year of daily compulsive floor exercises coincided with reasonable enough weather to allow us out on the Suncoast Trail today to try a few intervals and test the waters.

After she finished, I tried a couple myself.

I am now getting more power for less effort, and I don't mean it just feels easier.

I am getting more measured watts per measured torque.

I could say more, but those who get it really will, others will not. >>>

I repeated last year's chart at left for those with no rollover function.

I can't be dragged kicking and screaming into a goddamn phone conversation.

I just spent four (4) hours searching the web and wrangling with my iPod trying to get the clock set correctly.

Back in the old days, it was hoped the Internet would be a vast repository of actual information with specs and manuals and advice provided directly from the mouths of the people who engineered, developed, and produced useful devices.

Instead it has become the megaphone for dilettante wanna be expert yackity yacks more than willing to reveal their cluelessness.

My Touch is currently between 27 and 30 seconds off any known reference, and it will not budge.

My computer is very controllable, and I can open the clock function, set the time to any given minute with the seconds set at any arbitrary number.

Then I can load the US gov time in my browser, and when it clicks over approaching the second I have already chosen, I merely countdown 3, 2, 1 and tap "Apply" so the two devices track along quite nicely with each other.

That is how most devices work used to work: in some logical enough fashion that you can figure out just what triggers a set to zero, but not this Apple iPod Touch piece of shit.

The whole proces, four (4) hours long, only left me jealous of Widder's iPhone which gets its time automatically and therefore exactly stays within a second of the US standard atomic clock.

Some people might think my agonizing over a 30 second off-set one way or another is a little extreme, but those people will have probably forgotten that I am by nature a musician, so I have become accustomed to knowing that if I get to a key change, a note, or a harmonic alteration early or late by less than a 100th of a second, there is hell to pay.

Not to mention, if I ever got to the Hump's finish line anywhere near 30 seconds after the people I was riding with, well...

But what people really want to know is: what about today's Hump?

All I could find was this one photo off a wire service. >>>

I was on Widder's wheel at the bottom of Clearwater bridge, when all of a sudden there was a rider on my left, and I spurted, "Uh oh, don't trigger her."

But he did, and we paid… despite Mary only playing with him until her burst at the top.

After all, it is Widder's bridge.

Always has been.

The guy looked plenty strong enough to take the dissapointment, but by his attitude afterward, I'm not so sure.

Brrr!

Here it is:

Cranky: So? Can you do 2 of those pullups with a wider grip?

Widder: I just did a bunch of 1's of the wide grip today.

I understand the physics and that it should be easier, but I have learned EVERYTIME I do anything new, this old body is sore for awhile.

However, I can do 4 chinups now :), and it was only a month ago that I could not even hang.

Cranky: Yeah, the wider grip uses more back.

When I used to do them a lot, I had to stop, because my jackets for work (when I worked in the office) all got too tight, and my 34in bras too!!

We don't want/need big backs/arms for riding.

I'll have to try chin-ups next time.

Widder: Right, my Xtra Small arm warmers are cutting off my circulation now :(

Cranky: LOL…. How about this one:

On a ride last summer, my shorts were so tight in the legs that I stopped where a cable contractor was working at a pole and used his knife to cut a slit in my shorts on both legs.

Now that's a BIGGIE!

Widder: But my story is true!!

Cranky: Mine is too… and those were really nice Pearl Izumi shorts besides, but they were cutting off my blood flow!!

Widder: Are you sure you want to be telling me this story??????????

Cranky: Actually, I thought I already had.

But even funnier, I told the cable guy, "Now you have one of those 'you won't believe what happened to me today at work' stories"!!

I am myself also big and strong like Arnold.

However, you staffers should really put a little more effort into research, because it didn't take much to find this actual file photo of Cranky's cable guy event. >>>

I am new to winter sports, but spurred on by all the TV coverage I have already qualified for the 2015 US Olympic Cowbell Team.

Don't you know the cowbells are just like a laugh track on a sitcom—a sound effect dubbed in during post production?

There hasn't been an actual cowbell allowed into the games since 9/11.

Next you'll be buying one of these things:

I sure as fuck wouldn't be suggesting anybody get behind the wheel of a Toyota either, because it seems they are using the same attention to product reliability and customer service as Saris.

Which brings up a broader point.

Toyota is just being used as the fall guy.

All these things are made in the same place, and all the various car manufacturers are using the same technology.

Toyota's problem is an obvious software issue, but they sure as fuck don't want to let it get out that their little wireless connection between brakes, accelerator, and gear box works about as reliably as my wireless network connection… which has to be rebooted every morning and several times during the day.

The reality boils down to the people involved, and I can tell you beyond question that if this start/stop problem happened anywhere near Big Bianchi, he would climb into your car's trunk, and tell you to drive him around until he figures it out.

Yes, I mean he would take the fucking risk on himself.

So one might like to say that Mercedes beats Toyota, but Mercedes is basically just the same thing as Toyota (a massive unconcerned corporation), and the only thing Mercedes and truly all other car makers have going for them is their relationship with Big Bianchis.

Like I said, Toyota has absolutely no problem greater than any of the other makers, they are just the fall guy, and the answer is merely for people to do what they can to find dealerships, manufacturers, and services where a Big Bianchi exists.

Obviously, we didn't find one at Saris (Powertap), or this couldn't have happened:

I am using public Internet at a coffee shop, will send you international texts with photos from my phone later.

I looked it up and using your Jack-off-Berry offshore will only cost your $43,000.00 dollars.

I guess that is about 3 Euros.

That is Grant Salter.

Ohno looks like this. >>>

HUMP REPORT

We had a rough ride today.

Instead of the usual 4 of us, it has warmed up 10 degrees, and some came out of the woodwork.

There were 9 riders, and it was very fiesty!

Gapper, Catskill John, Perfect Frankie, MotherF, LaBrie, big Steve (The Wall), a guy named Mike Adsit (who got me to do that Hopatcong ride), and me.

General G. Douglas rode at 10 with George and Iron Mike.

They were dropped by Kevin, Andreas, Joe, and Dangerous.

Doug's hip felt good.

He has really seemed to recover pretty well (We talked to him at the deli after).

Spring will be sprung soon.

If you continue sneaking this stuff into the Chatterbox (sans Kaining Certification), I will personally come back up north and kick your fucking ass for you.

BTW: Despite how good it is to hear G. Douglas' hip feels good, you would be best advised to keep your smarmy little hands off it.

The TV announcer was talking about how a snowboarder who had done something nobody else could do, and they ran the video.

It was a quad spin with a certain number of rotational degrees previously thought beyond the laws of physics so impossible.

I watched with my own degree of excitement.

When I saw the finish, I realized a new standard had been set, because the "trick" was indisputably absolutely (no question about it) a full 30 degrees short of full rotation while the announcer continued speaking as if it had actually happened.

Olympic sports have now moved beyond the woulda, coulda, shoulda stage and squarely into wishta.

People who are capable of hacking into computers look like this. >>>

**********

Super Simple Power to Weight Calculator
On this calculator what number should I enter to my watts
field such my peak power for 5 seconds or minute etc. Please advise.

Thanks,l

***********

Considering the attached e-mail address was ATT.net while the IP# originated from a Verizon account… well, SlingShot, how do you answer that?

Oguz is obviously just confused from looking at something like this:

If only Cranky would stop inciting Widder, I might get something done around here.

Why don't you get Her something.

I treated myself to an Mp3 from my Amazon must buy list.

Got it into my Touch and fired it up.

It sucked!

The production values were wretched beyond repair and far from what I was hearing on the local TV music station.

I fell into a wretched state, "Fuck. The drums and low end are totally overdriven. Doesn't anybody listen to their product anymore?"

Then I got an even worse thought, "How are kids supposed to learn what good is, if this is the best they ever get to hear."

I went through some other songs on my Pod and eventually ran into one that had almost the exact same problem.

That's when it hit me, "Hmm. Didn't I turn on the EQ Bass Boost when I was trying out another pair of headphones."

Sure enough, turning off the EQ was the fix.

I have to admit that's a good thing too, because this was going to be a really hard dissapointment.

For me, listening to this sort of guitar music is really like watching porn.

I have not actually got the instrument in my arms, but I've done more than enough of it to feel it just as if I do.

I know exactly where each string is and can feel every rippling note shimmer through the guitar's body from just that right touch.

The resonance as the string section tosses a quick call response over the top of a pause between phrases. So I listen to it again and again in a loop until I finally explode into a heap of blubbering tears.

This particular piece is by Peter White entitled "Bright," BUT I would NOT suggest you get it.

Cyclists will just think it Muzak.

I found this online. >>>

He is probably looking at these:

That guy gets around!

Can't say where we saw him, or he'll have to adjust us so our yappers don't work anymore.

<<< Did you see the one at the left?

Or the one at right whom nobody has seen for quite some time? >>>

BTW: If you would just hurry up and post a sub 5:40 Kain, you wouldn't have to be hacking in here just to fuck with people.

Maybe you don't have a smart phone, so here's a sample ported over to her full website.

I met Dr. Art last night.

He was the guest speaker at our running clubs monthly meeting. Nice guy!

Hope all is well.

In any case, you may recall year before last I told you my long term goal was to be able to stand from a seated position without seven separate moves left, right, back again and over and turn, in order to keep my knee from chirping out an echo off my back, down to my other knee and up over to my other back.

I finally reached that goal, and am now fine tuning the last residual ancillary back pain which reared its ugly head on my opposite side just as I was about to go after Joe Straub's ass on Kain last fall.

I'll know more after our ride today, because we are going out to the Fort De Soto Test Track to get a baseline and start serious business.

I recall last summer laughing at how easy the group rides had become, because I would end up with only a 176 watt average while 204 watts for two hours wasn't all that hard for me.

Suffice it to say, I now look back on that time and wonder how I ever thought 200+ was easy.

It sure ain't no more.

Maybe I'll try to get back in some sort of shape, but this time I'm going to make sure I've got the underpinnings correct and stable, before I take off all that fucking weight just to end up riding one legged.

Things look promising, because on yesterday's ride I kept noticing I was 30 watts over my perceived effort.

BTW: Are you sure you met our very own Dr. Art?

Did the guy look like this? >>>

Do you think maybe Saris (Powertap) might not be making the gas pedals?

<<< At left is a quick video of three pushups from last year.

At right is three from today. >>>

She has phoned several people and asked them to call her back, but when they do she just picks up the phone and starts giggling.

Then she asks them to do it again and again until they finally stop calling.

Always just picks up the phone and giggles.

What is that all about?

Although Widder acting weird is nothing strange, this sample of what she sees when various people call might be the answer in this case. >>>

However, at the projected speed of 100 mph Florida's version will in fact be going almost as fast as the last 18 cars running through a typical Florida red light, so almost as fast as the automobile traffic which will be running along Route 4 ahead of it.

Still, we can't figure out why they are going so easy on the throttle.

Too bad she was skimming so missed the fact Kevin Haley sent us mention of this two years ago, 7/23/08.

Looks like Saris has some quality control issues.

But I also know you have spent a lot of time talking about how wonderful they are.

Just exactly what was the problem with Saris?

On the right is a photo of the replacement they sent us, just one week after it got here, and after Mary dropped it off her bike once. >>>

Saris response was to insult us with the e-mail posted on chat #4876, after their unresponsiveness prompted me to post #4874 and have Mary show it to them and ask if they would like to explain.

Last we heard was yesterday when he sent out that e-mail broadcast asking if anybody knew they now make a viagra nasal spray.

She was complaining so much about how weak she felt, SlingShot had her spin her back wheel after getting off, and it turned out she had gone the whole distance with her brake rubbing.

Things got so bad at one point, I thought, "Shit, she's going so slow Cranky could beat her."

We could have compared our watts and seen that I was only cranking half what she was (instead of my typical additional 40 watts more while drafting), if not for the fact I've become too scared to even look at my Powertap now that I know it can break if you so much as breathe on it, and Saris doesn't give a shit if it happens.

It only took one month to set up Widder's iPhone.

It would have been even faster if not for the trouble of getting our proprietary critical business path apps up and running.

You know, such things as Widder's Contacts track the location of 7,000 of her collectors, their purchases over the last 35 years, and their preferences and success with her product.

These little handheld devices were never meant to work as actual business helpers.

I'm surprised that guy over at Saris who treated Widder so poorly didn't know who she was.

They said, "I'm sorry. I didn't know who they were."

I responded, "You don't treat people with respect because of who they are. You treat people with respect because of who you are."

Actually, I think it was a good learning experience, because I hear they are treating people better at their knew place of employment.

I'm sure he will really go on it.

HUMP REPORT

SlingShot takes top honors in today's Hump.

Using a rare technique in which he rode the Hump in 70° Florida heat instead of on the 19° New York course, he found himself in a winning situation.

When he and Widder were stopped by a light about 10 miles into their 40 mile Gulf Boulevard loop, a couple cars appeared unexpectedly in the turn lane.

When Widder mentioned he was blocking traffic, SlingShot checked the red light then made a little circling maneuver in front of stopped traffic allowing the turn lane to go.

Just as he was pulling back around in line, the light changed green, Mary took off, and a car horn immediately blared in SlingShot's ear.

SlingShot snapped his head and burned a glance into the driver meant to kill a roid raged cracker asshole, while punctuating the sentiment with a full stop and backing his bike back into the cars line while shouting, "SETTLE DOWN!"

Then SlingShot waited.

Fortunately, a Judge Judy episode was avoided when the shaken driver pulled left the seven inches required to get around SlingShot, took off, and could not be caught again.

Therefore, SlingShot takes top honors in today's Hump for sticking up for the rights of cyclists everywhere.

Besides, everybody who did attend the Hump had their eyes froze shut in the 19° NY temps by the end of the ride, so they will have no idea whether or not SlingShot and Widder were even there, let alone how far ahead of them they were when they won.

Happily, our four (4) Powertap CPU's were far enough away from the horn that they are still more or less working.

That driver was fucking lucky.

I was just about to go Portuguese on his ass.

Everybody always repeats the old saw, "You never get a second chance to make a first impression."

But you never hear people mention much more importantly, "You never get a second chance to lose a great customer."

As for my own view, if it was my product, and somebody e-mailed to tell me the unit I had replaced for one that had broken on being dropped was also dropped and now the new one was exhibiting the exact same weird ass display problem, I would have gone out of my way with something like:

"Shit! How the fuck did that happen? These units should not be that godawful tender. Let's find out more about it."

I would have never left the door open for Widder to respond that way.

But that's just me.

Saris wrote back, "There are no repairs for any yellow CPU's... old or new."

Everybody is well aware of the rave reviews I have always given the Powertap and the service Saris provides.

Widder just dropped her CPU and broke it (2nd time), and when she called Saris was told the older CPU's are no longer serviced.

"Buy the new one… ($500)."

We are currently confirming the truth of that statement, so raves will be on hold for a time, but you might want to buy up all the old CPU's on eBay in the meantime, because this may harbinger Saris is going to crap.

The new CPU's have apparently not addressed any of the functional shortcomings at all but have added a way to look at your calories while riding.

I was having a lot of trouble getting my iPhone applications to sync with iTunes. I tried doing backups and full syncs to no avail. Finally, in a moment of desperation, I righted clicked on my iPhone and chose the option “Transfer Purchases” and to my suprise and glee I successfully moved my applications onto to my computer.

To transfer applictions to iTunes from your iPhone:

Right click on your iPhone in the left hand explorer bar Select “Transfer Purchases”

That came from >>>

However, worked like a charm for Widder's iPhone to Windows laptop.

Some people never learn, and their computer is probably already a spam-casting zombie unbeknownst to them, so this time I'm blocking all future mail from their address.

The mere act of trying to reply to them crashed my computer.

With everbody tied to using digital technology, things never change anyway, they just get different.

I hate setting up new procedures (which really do not change anything), just for the sake of newness.

No, it's not the weather, because it's just as cold in Florida.

Oh, I've got it.

In NY it's potholes, but in Florida it's sinkholes.

Kingston Cobbled Classic Criterium
April 18th, 2010

It might not seem like it now, but spring is around the corner.

In European professional cycle racing, that means the Classics, dominated by Paris-Roubaix and Tour de Flanders.

Many Northeast racers get their taste of Roubaix at Battenkill.

CM2 is proud to present its compliment, a criterium contested over a cobbled climb in the heart of the City of Kingston in the Hudson Valley.

Wynkoop Place is a steep stretch of original kinderkop (Dutch for "babys' heads", or cobbles), which will be tackled repeatedly as part of a 1.2 mile crit course.

The cobbles stretch curb to curb, so there will be no avoiding them. I've (not ddoT speaking) ridden my light weight road racing frame over these cobbles repeatedly, as well as over the Tour de Flanders course in 2009, so I know your bike can take the pounding.

The question is - can you?

Enter online at >>>

As for me, I have enough trouble just figuring out how you fuckers are hacking into the Chatterbox

It's warm enough for the lizards to pull themselves out from under the porch to bask in the sun, but cold enough for them to not even bother moving out of my way when I walk out for the mail.

I am lost

-Marc

Cells are carried on bike rides for emergency outcalls only, so it is unlikely you'll get those.

Here's why. >>>

BTW: How the fuck did you get in here?

You usually have something to say about shit like that.

I remember her turning to him and saying, "No. It's all different now. Taken over by religious fundametalists."

I guess the irony is, that was said in Bangkok, Thailand in 1983.

Therefore, I have nothing to say about it.

HUMP REPORT

Hump report was delayed while the big ice cutters steamed in to get the photos.

We still don't know how this photo at the top of Ridgebury happened. >>>

The kicker was how it is interactive with her main authoritative sales database.

I guess you could say the pretty stuff works, but when you actually try to do something with it (like put in several thousand contacts gleaned over thirty years business), it pretty much sucks.

Basically, it works like this.

Like all the other Apple crap, it works really great as long as you are content to let corporate thugs shit all over you (and you will eat it happily), but as soon as you want to do deal with some of your own shit… you are fucked.

I did have one break.

Somebody in California bought a painting online, which means Mary has to coordinate getting somebody in NY to find it in the studio and ship it out.

Of course, that means she is going to have to print a label, and ship it with a photo of the painting so the NY person can find it in the shop.

I had to take a time out to set up the printer, which is old and cantankerous just like this Apple shit.

Happlly, I have some reading skills.

10!!!

That's 900 cars a day from a single plant with a little over 12 dozen workers.

What will you try and tell me next, that most of the lithium in the US comes from a single plant in a little town of about 300 people?

Don't worry, because if car production gets too high, the US government will pay people to store the overages in their garages.

I bet that plant is not Mercedes but wants to be.