They are receiving the same deal everybody else gets.

If requested, ARC will appear for an Official Timing (in case they believe they can beat Ryan's World Record and want documentation), but the results remain unpublished unless we are released from our binding hush-hush contract.

MORE SHIT
YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE

"Wow," she cooed, "I'm impressed. How'd you know?"

Really it was quite easy.

Widder and I have become de facto vegetarians (more or less), not because we tried to, but because we are lazy, and it takes time to cook shit.

I am also half starved from taking off 45 lbs since this time last year, so my olfactory is such that I can smell a grade schooler's cookie in a backpack from a half mile.

I got home from my walk tonight and laid across the foot of the bed to adjust my back, but the dog started working me for a biscuit.

All the commotion woke up Widder who stumbled half asleep into the bathroom.

When I went in afterwards the place smelled like a fucking deli counter, so I went back past the bedroom, stuck my head in and asked, "Where did you have the rare roast beef today when you were out with Gam?"

"Wow," she cooed, "I'm impressed. How'd you know?"

Actually, I wish I didn't.

Which is to say, I was arched over Widder who was lying face up on a bench as I pointed out her left hand was coming to rest nearly a half inch further from the barbell standards during her bench press.

What had started this inspection was a few days ago when a neighbor found us not at home, and the bench press barbell was unattended so in need of an extra 2½ lb weight added to each end.

The next day when Widder started her presses, she found her effort was well beyond hard and impossible, because we had just spent three months finding her near max for 3 sets of 15 reps in order to more precisely work on her form.

In summary, the extra 5 lbs so fucked up her lifts, I immediately lost my mind and began a review about how I could have fucked her up so badly, and tried to work through figuring out what the fuck had gone wrong.

Fortunately our neighbor soon wandered in and asked, "How's the bench press coming along? (Tee hee. Tee, hee.)"

At least I got to point out how the main goal of everbody on Ridgebury is to get everbody else 1¼ lbs over their limit for three strides, and in the process I found (through reverse lifts) that Mary is still rather dysfunctional at three points in the press, so we went back to lighter weights and brought her reps up to 40 in order to work on it.

In any case, yesterday during her second set of 40, I noticed that she was unable to complete the last rep despite having gone well past the sticking point.

We were in the midst of finding exactly what part of her left shoulder was bailing out when Cranky appeared out of nowhere behind us.

Cranky mentioned that she has been working on her Spun Crystals, so I got real excited and checked her out on the step test.

This was the fourth person I've shown it to, so I used what I learned on the others in order to get close to actually making a point.

What was that?

No need to worry about sleeping through.

Fucker is desperate to post here. >>>

Apparently, once one has really seen what Kain is all about, one is highly motivated to share it with others.

She took one full minute off her previous time (2 months ago) by putting a little more attention into her Spun Crystals and is now only 2:06 away from Crackhead Ryan's World Record!

Hold on, whuh, whuh, whuh…

Big hills. Let me catch my breath.

Whuh, whuh, whuh...

Shit, I started the sprint too late, but I was coming up on them fast.

Whoof, whoof, whoof...

Gotta go, tomorrow's another stage.

HUMP REPORT

Although we didn't actually witness it, Keith handily took the win for today's Hump.

He arrived in the parking lot with Paris, Palletman, and Dangerous Dan, followed a little while later by a group of people whining about how hard they had worked trying to catch them on this and that hill, then finally everywhere.

In any case, given the group Keith finished, it was obvious he could have taken them if he wanted to, because he was previously reported by Turtle Boy as being on his wheel past the Camel Farm when they dropped the actual front group a few weeks ago.

Therefore, the fact that nobody from the actual front off the front of the FRONT FRONT GROUP was there today, Keith must certainly be their representative, so using the arcane calculus by which Hump winners are determined, Keith is the winner.

Does that mean Ryan beat 'em all?

How do I get my password?

People with a laptop can just bookmark the submittal form after a valid logon, and they won't have to go through the password malarky ever again. >>>

Posting to the Chatterbox is now restricted to sub-10 minute qualifiers of the Kain Assault.

If all goes well, they should be able to post by hitting the SUBMITTAL FORM button above.

Unqualified users will be redirected to this. >>>

She would have Photoshopped it like this. >>>

Big Bianchi also asked about Widder.

He heard that her assignment for the Century was with regard to a certain female rider who (because she's a woman) is patronized by the group by routinely being given hills unchallenged, thus allowing her to believe she is stronger than she is, and thus making sure the group status quo is maintained as she never has a chance to get any better.

Widder was supposed to take her on every hill (which she did except for one when Wid dropped back to help a rider returning from illness and injury before SlingShot also dropped back, took over the task, and sent her back up to the group), but just as the final lesson was beginning on the last hill, somebody actually put their arm across Widder's chest and blocked her attack.

Otherwise, she would have easily taken and held the front long before the turn into the parking lot.

Still, Widder's first 50 was more than impressive, so Bianchi was wondering the secret to her success as well.

He wants to know the secret of your success.

Therefore, to whom this may concern: before your friend takes one more single solitairy step make sure they understand this and memorize the very first sentence. >>>

Maybe someone should have shown them how feeling "not in any bother" is not the same as "knowing when they've been had," especially if the setup comes 5 miles before the kicker.

However, last thing I ever do on a ride like that is watch my numbers, because the numbers are only helpful in a very precise, tightley controlled training ride context

It's like doing your homework before class, because once you are there, it's time to know.

Otherwise, the numbers are good for Widder to look at during a group ride so she can think, "Wow. They call this an effort?" or actually helpful to her in cases when something happens like Twin George says, "Go!," but the power meter says, "No."

In any case, I was somewhat reluctant to call you a total idiot without checking, so I looked at my data, and sure enough after stepping through carefully, I did find one instance of overtorque.

The reason I forgot about it was due to it being so mild an effort, plus it was actually a tactic which worked.

You may remember that I appeared to attack the bottom of Heard Road.

The data does show a quick high cadence burst at that point, but it was only 11 seconds of a 114 average cadence bursting to 129, and the effort was well below what it took me to hang on the wheel of Paris for the Final Hill on 32 yesterday, not to mention it being 1/4 as long.

The point of the stunt was not power but perception, because I only meant to trigger those who could be, so they would burn themselves out (without noticing), in order to put them out of the Rte 94 climb (5 miles later) where I might invite Tom Wells and The Bicycle Doctor to pull me home.

Fortunately, the ploy prevailed and things got so easy then that Tom and Rich were happy to comply, and they got us so far ahead of the group by the end of the ride (and start of the cool down on the Heritage Trail), I was almost totally rested by the time the chase group arrived.

Even so, the overtorque part didn't happen until the second half of Heard Road hill, where I stood and started resting after the trigger had been pulled.

The reason I missed it was because even though overtorqued, the overall effort was way below anything one might notice, and I even suggested to that chuckle headed G. Douglas that he get in a bigger gear as he was passing.

Here, see for yourself.

It was nothing.

Notice how my heart rate only hit 150 with an average of 146. >>>

I haven't seen it all season.

What do you think that means?

That was Laura Wong-Pan.

She is getting ready for S.O.S. and knew Lauren and Schmoopie, and also Gary The Bull and Star (and probably ddoT too, but I forgot to ask), so I had to try and not look totally stupid.

Ok, so I failed.

But I tried.

Plus she said I was spinning like nobody's business.

Also at the top there was his furtive little head jerk to the left with a Napolean Dynamite, "Damn!" when Paris realized I was still on her wheel.

However, mostly we have the data.

Uphill averages: 19 mph, 364 watts, 120 rpm.

IMPORTANT BULLETIN

Over at the Endico studio they were told their lawnmower (30 years old) was leaking oil and needed a new crankshaft.

Palletman said, "I know somebody who could give you a second opinion," suggesting Ed Schaffer.

Ed came over and found no problem with the crankshaft but did find a mouse had made a nest in the lawnmower, and it was causing the oil to run hot and overflow.

Fixed for $60, not hundreds.

Ed will be back every spring to service the mower.

That fucking Palletman knows everybody who can do anything.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

What if (just what if) the entire concept of periodization was based on observation only of dysfunctional athletes who instead of adressing their dysfunctions routinely worked themselves to the point of failure and then had to ease off in order to regain a state equestrians observe in their horses when they call them functionally sound.

A functionally sound horse is one that can be doped up and ridden, but it has underlying problems you don't want to tell a buyer about.

I'm not saying…

I'm just saying, "What if the entire concept of periodization was based solely on the observation of dysfunctional athletes? The state of cycling would be exactly the same as it is today."

Here's how to fix your AOL nonsense screen bullshit.

Click on the multi-striped color bar up near the right hand corner of your screen.

Select "Default" the top left blank blue choice.

That should get you back where you want to be.

Now bring my wheel and patch kit back.

The Big Lollipop is our standard tempo ride, and it is a 50 miler we routinely complete with not a single stop, because we carry adequate water bottles and do not waste our time eating on a ride.

Yesterday Paris had done 125 miles at the Golden Apple Tour with a 20 mph average.

Since by all accounts I had done just slightly slower for the local club century, I realized that in total I had a 25 mile recovery advantage plus my marginally slower 100 mile pace from which to base an attack.

I brought Humberto and Widder along as witnesses, and things were going quite well until Humberto flatted on Goldilocks Hill.

Whether that worked to my advantage or not is up for debate.

However, Humberto's wheel went off like an IAD spewing dust and debris all over the road in front of Widder, and the wheel still had a massive metal shard sticking out of it when we stopped.

I looked at the situation and volunteered to go back for a car, because it was obviously a blow-out that could not be patched on the roadside.

The tire had a 20mm gash across it.

Humberto ignored me, pulled out a patch kit, fixed it, and made it home.

Unfortunately, Humberto's ride home on the patch was still plenty strong enough for Paris to do her best to drop me.

But she couldn't, so there is nothing impressive about her performance to mention here, but that patch kit is another matter.

Here is the flat (hover for a close-up). >>>

Make it a double!

Maybe SlingShot aka "Captain Weyland (Wey) Awfcours" could find the road.

Now submit your time.

I'll bet Ryan is shaking in his boots—which he in no way fills.

What veteran OCBC Century Riders is Doug talking about, SlingShot?

You did 8 club centuries in a row and found that never more than one or two people from the front group ever went with you on the second 50.

Did you recognize any of them?

I am only 115 pounds.

We will review the situation.

While you are at it, see if you can't get Humberto to confirm with Doug what he witnessed on today's ride.

Instead of giving himself a valid quick check of his own true performance ability by trying to beat Ryan's 6:23 up Kain Road, Doug chooses instead to waste time he could use working out by throwing up trash talk smoke screens.

There must be plenty of those types out there.

Only Humberto and Glenn have had the cajones to come right out in the open with their results.

Probably couldn't trust Doug at this point anyway.

Doug, stop skimming as the real world continues to illude you.

However, thank you for clearing up the reason I went real slow but found myself back in the parking lot before you guys.

What with Gapper pulling, I really would never have thought you could have been going so slow as only 19.2!

No wonder it took you so long to get back.

It does however more or less match your first 50 which bored the Widder to tears due to it being so fucking slow.

Only my own Powertap data got fried (not my cue sheet) which doesn't matter, because you guys never believe nor understand actual data anyway but choose to live by perceived effort.

Check with your buddy Paris to see if he had any success shaking me off his wheel on hills today—which we did with Humberto while you were taking a rest.

Anyway, here's my still sweaty Cue Sheet which was easier to follow by stopping at intersections instead of trying to read it from off the back of the group like you guys seemed to enjoy. >>>

You won the local club Century?!

That means there were no officials checking times, turns, and course. There were no placements, prizes or status. It means that people who do race would never being going all out.

Without those elements there is no way to know if the group I was with (until they stopped for a food break half way through the second 50 miler and I went on alone), stayed extra long at the food break, waited for one of the riders, or went off course.

I knew Arctic Paul was following the cue sheet at pace while keeping up with the group.

It was hard enough to follow it on my own (without worrying about having to keep up), so I have no way of knowing how close the group stayed to the scripted course.

Besides that my Powertap data is basically non-existant because of the chaos on the first 50.

I had already stopped trying to keep track of intervals when my CPU stopped during the 50 mile food stop back at the park, and I didn't notice until way into the second 50 before getting it going again.

After that I have no idea what happened where.

In such a chaotic situation, I would need Bruyneel in a team car watching my data to get any good information about the ride, so that's why solo rides are always best for improving my performance.

In any case, it was just a matter of me having left the front group at the deli with the distinct plan of going as easy as possible until they caught me.

Then progressively I began thinking, "Hmm… where are they? What if they don't catch me to this point, then this point, then this point, as I kept going just a little harder (and then harder again) than planned, until 'What? I'm on my tailgate. Where are they?'"

Then comes all their excuses like, "My legs weren't there today. They were there for Putnam last week."

Under those circumstances winning is just a meaningless term.

That's why (to judge my performance) I rely on the simple formula:

t @ P/W

Neither Widder nor I had even close to any personal bests on yesterday's Century.

It was a really mild ride.

Me being first (out of the front group) to get back to the parking lot was just an event of circumstance, not a win.

Some nice rider went to get them and correct them and pull them back to the group. But got the ole ---- you were going this way.

So an extra 2 miles for the nice rider. Guess nice guys finish last! 102 plus a little more!

Nice try, but even so she spun into the parking lot road with the group, and her data download afterward shows it only required a medium effort at best.

For clarity's sake, Humberto's favorite rider is neither of the two riders you speak of, and they only went off course because (after only 17.5 miles) the front group decided it was time to have breakfast at some roadside attraction.

When it was realized the course had veered off, the two wayward riders said outloud amongst themselves, "Well, that wasn't a very serious ride anyway. We'll just go on our own ride."

It wasn't until they came across the group again hammering a downhill in the opposite direction that one of them said, "Bullshit. We can catch them anyway. Let's turn around, and from a delayed dead standing start we can catch them before the light—despite their massive downhill advantage."

Fait accompli.

At that point they decided they may as well finish with the group.

But what does that have to do with the second 50, except maybe for the parallel of a stop for brunch less than half way to the finish?

Your schedule was too fucking tight to come out and dominate an extra 20?

The only people willing to work during the first 50 loop were the Wells Bros, and of course the race team guys were just letting them go while moderating the pace to keep your favorite rider in contact.

For the second 50 everybody from the first 50's front group went home (as usual) except for me, Gapper, Arctic Paul, Cranky, Doug, and The Wall.

Of course, the pace of the second 50 was also determined to keep your favorite rider in contact, but your favorite rider still had not a clue about it.

When the group made a deli stop at the 208 & 55/44 intersection, I checked to confirm the course and said, "I'll start on it and go real easy. See you guys later."

And I did see them later, because I was still sitting on the tailgate of the truck when they got back to the parking lot with your favorite rider in tow.

I'm sure you've scared Humberto shitless, and he'll stay home this morning.

We were all looking for him on Ridgebury.

Fuck 'em.

I'm bringing my own goddamn sandwich.

You see how much fun those triathletes have?

On the other hand, it turns out this club century is the 10 year anniversary of my very first ever local club ride, and I am 70 lbs lighter now than then, plus the 3000 miles riding on my own I had by this time that year seems paltry indeed, so it looks like I have no choice but to show up.

Furthermore, after today's Hump I noticed trigger points remergent on my left thigh, with stress pains diagonally around that knee, plus a decided burning on my left extensor hallucis longus and a slight tearing sensation in my left flexor hallucis brevis.

On the right side I have an explosive pain near my cuboid associative with my peronius brevis, which I believe may be cycling related but which I am hoping is just a temporary artifact of some freshly begun more demanding yoga positions.

All of this just pisses me off, but in reality this might turn out to be the lightest and healthiest I will ever be, so due to the 10 year milestone and uncertain future, I am going to do what I can to make sure everybody at the century gets their full 100 miles share of painful hills with profound and final droppings handed out all around.

ddoT is better off going to some cushy tri race out of the cross fire.

ddoT is real?

I thought he was just somebody else you made up.

We had a great race today!

ddoT was on and did fantastic!

Very fun day that will be repeated tomorrow at the Frost Valley race!

It will be interesting to see if this post gets here.

HUMP REPORT

Pursuant to a tidy little example of stealth and awe team effort, today Dangerous Dan Sullivan handily took this week's episode in the continuing saga of Chester Pete 'Oh… Fuck Me' Primes.

It happened on one of the final flats of Pulaski and just after Pete had taken a good long and manly pull subsequent to the group allowing him to pretend ownership of all previous hills.

Too bad Pete couldn't hold on for just one more surge.

In any case, a mere 10 or 15 minutes prior to that, Dave Freifelder, Humberto Cavalheiro, Glenn Babikian, and Myles Billard had passed that very spot well on their way to finishing as the FRONT off the FRONT of the FRONT FRONT GROUP which was recounted by a cross-eyed Paris (from amongst the frontest of several groups ahead of the Oh Fuck Me Prime group) with, "I don't know what happened. My group finished 23.1, and the breakaway group was nowhere in sight."

Fortunately, the Widder and me had gone out early enough to be nearing the top of Iron Mike's Hill (the farm stand) in order to see Dave, Humberto, Glenn, and Myles crest the top.

We don't know who took the final sprint, but by the time riders make it into that exclusive little front group club, it really doesn't matter.

Besides, none of them ever beat Ryan on Kain Road anyhow.

I see you are racing tomorrow at William’s Lake which makes me very happy indeed, and what will make me even happier is if you race the Frost Valley race the day after as well.

Try this direct route (link at right) to the submittal form, then put text only (no special figures, winkies, dinkies, or characters) in the "Name/Nom" field, and "Comments" field, and hit the "POST COMMENTS" button.

If it doesn't work, e-mail a description or screen shot of the problem. >>>

I saw Arctic Paul going the other way about 3/4 of a mile from the Goshen turnaround.

I calculated that if I kicked it up to 23 mph, after the turnaround I could catch him before Chester, but I talked myself out of it by pretending I'd go to the Sunday Century.

Someday I might actually become reasonable.

Then everybody goes home, and I go out with maybe one or two people to finish the 100.

In the last few years, I haven't even bothered with the first 50, but maybe I should go and put an end to my dreams of a functional left leg.

Now excuse me, the sun's out.

Are you?

Today's goal is to finish a full loop on the Heritage Trail without ever never ever going anything other than totally easy, easy, easy.

I almost accomplished that yesterday, until after the turn at the Airplane park, some tri-athlete guy or something pulled onto the trail from the 17M access after the overpass and looked back nervously which triggered my chase response.

When I got to about 20 yards from him, I remembered I was on an easy does it program and decided not to pass but just hold back and pace him.

Long story short he kept looking back and I was there, so after the parking lot he got in his arrow bars and took off.

Due to the fact I had started a project to pace behind him, I went with him but stayed the same distance back.

Longer story shorter, little Mr. Panicked kept surging, looking back bug eyed, and surging again.

Last time he looked back was just as we were coming into the Chester train station where my ride was over, so I waved goodbye from the exact same 20 yards I started.

I checked data after getting home and found our average from Chester to Monroe was 25.33 mph with a 29.35 max.

I'm sure his max was somewhere over 30, because when he surged I only did the minimum to stay with him.

Otherwise, I have no idea why he thought a 30 plus pace was going to shake me.

I should mention that several times I would lose a few yards in trail traffic, because I really slow down for toddlers on tricycles, but he seemed to see them as a gapping opportunity.

Not to mention, the speed limit for the trail is 20 miles an hour, which is itself way too fast when walkers, joggers, bladers, and toddlers are around.

Poor dufus has no idea that I was just running Spun Crystals on his ass, and I have gotten so much more efficient these days that my actual effort was well below my 2 hour PB from June.

I hope he never realized what an old fart of a geezer was pacing his 25+, because he really does deserve to feel ok about himself.

I did have a minor double PB for 5 and 10 minutes, but I really hate getting those when they are not carefully planned in advance, and since I did 3 hours on the Lollipop Tuesday, and 32 miles of Harriman Wednesday, PB's were not planned for Thursday.

I swear if somebody passes me today, I'm lettin' em go.

I will be at the top with the doughnuts - correct?

Kaining enthusiasts will abide no doughnuts nor the publication of related trademarks.

Though I am not anyway near an expert in cycling technique, I must say that Ryan has this exposiveness that he demonstrated last night by easily catching (after purposely dropping back) with the group on several of the hills.

His bike gearing is perfect for his style of riding, and he can out spin most of those AA riders.

From Glenn's report about his Kain Road Climb, I would calculate that "b" is all wrong in his assessment of climbing that hill.

It will take a person who can spin his gearing the best and fastest vs a power rider.

This is Ryan's speciality!!

Sorry, I bet Ryan will defend his record climb!

Glenn - gravity is against you!

Maybe Doug should ask Ryan where he learned to spin up to the group like that and then give the whole thing another try.

Otherwise, it appears Doug has himself already given up on the matter of his own Kaining and has hastily moved on to another doughnut.

KAINING ERROR REPORT

We looked into the matter and found that a false gearing was reported here earlier.

It was published that Dr. Art always enjoyed his Kainings in a 19 cog.

Actually, it was a 21.

The error seems to have arisen when SlingShot was in Dr. Art's office a few years back and noticed his bicycle had such a small cog set that he snorted, "Jesus Art, what you got there, a 19?"

Artie answered, "That's right, Bob. A 19," but immediately added, "Actually, it's a 21… the only thing I have ever ridden with."

Afterwards, SlingShot recalled nothing but the 19 and "…only thing I have ever ridden with" part.

An ARC Staff member checked with Dr. Art, and he confirms his Kainings were always done with a 21, not 19.

American Road Cycling apologizes for any inconvenience and E-bay transactions this may have caused people.

If he had counted the cassette himself, he would have remembered better.

Stay away from Ryan.

He is my man.

I am going to be in the area, and I am looking for a nice hilly ride.

How do I get to Kain?

Can one of you gordos time me?

The rides never happened, except you are not allowed to come around trash talking Ryan if they didn't.

You see, Glenn's Kaining was reconnaissance.

He is just reporting to all his teammate homies that if they think this climb and Ryan's performance is going to be a pushover, they are wrong.

I just about had to twist Humberto's arm off to get him to try it, and only then it was with the promise that if he did not like the results the ride never happened (same deal everybody gets), but afterwards he graciously said, "I don't care. Blab all you want."

Glenn didn't even have to report his results, but he was nice enough to do it.

Big deals are routinely made out of beating other World Records by hundredths of a second, and to date nobody has come within 12 whole seconds of Ryan's climb.

It is going to take a studied and focused top level performance to beat it, but I'll bet with a little schooling Ryan himself will be able to beat it by about 2 minutes.

He only shows up to get his workout in, and he refuses to get involved in those chaotic end of ride dangerous sprints.

I think he has a sixth sense about self preservation due to the fact his day job is having a major positive impact on every young musician within a hundred miles of here… so that is not something to jeopardize lightly.

The immutable laws of physics are clearly in Ryan's corner, because the name of the game is not Power.

It is:

t @ P/W

Have you looked at him?

Even with his heavy bike it takes 0 watts to move him up a hill.

Why would he need a power meter to tell him, "0 watts, Ryan. That's z, e, r, o… zero."

It was a World Record 6:23 Kain, but I have never seen such an inefficient and uneven performance on a bicycle.

Soon as anybody comes close to beating him, I'll show him the Spun Crystals, and give him at least 1 minute faster with significantly less effort.

Once he finishes the basic exercises (sort of like embouchure studies for cycling pedal control), he will be untouchable, that is to say, more or less exactly as he is right now.

I've been riding my Raleigh Grand Prix to work this week… WITHOUT the bags on the rack the bike weighs 31 pounds!

I'll still use the other bike for the WR though.

Beating the current record time is achievable by preparing for it like it is a race.

No training session the day before, just opener drills. A good warmup leading up to Kain, etc… (a better choice of gearing would help).

I will better prepare myself and attempt it again in the near future.

That being said, there is no doubt that the local hill climbers amongst us could easily beat the time of 6:23.

T.P. Straub, Runggatscher, Haley, Fries, Humberto (when he's in form), or is it Humbabikian now?

Unbelievable!

Are you riding with the AA'S at the Hump?

Please tell this to Bob:

"The story that you have written about my encounter with Paul Landis was FRIGHTENINGLY factual, right down to the smallest detail. How is this possible? You were not there. How can one individual, who hears a story ONCE, retell it in such a precise fashion as to leave not a single detail uncorrectable. There was not a soul with me that day in Lancaster who would say there is a single flaw in it. In fact, some would probably say something like...'Oh wow...I almost forgot about that part.' And they were actual witnesses to it! Every time I think Bob Fugett is an amazing man, he proves that I have underestimated him."

Please also tell Bob that talking about cycling is like dancing about architecture.

He'll get it.

My new American name is Humbabikian.

Which pole is the finish???

Don't worry about being so precise until you are within three minutes of 6:23.

The trick is to go absolutely as hard as you can in the big ring for the first 200 yards.

Otherwise, you will never be able to make up the time in the last 200.

Tomorrow I am doing a recovery ride up Kain Road.

Is that true?

Just you, your bike, the hill, and a clock.

Speaking of Dr. Art... >>>

That's it. I've had it with that sniveling little horn player.

When Paris gets back from France, I'm borrowing her 27, and by the time 6:23 rolls around I'll be on my second scoop of ice cream.

Motherfucker.

And stop listening to all those miserable whiners talking about how Ryan gets dropped on hills.

Maybe he gets dropped on hills, but he doesn't get dropped on Kain.

Thanks for the congratulations.

I just got back from riding Kain to see if the new road surface would change anything, and it had no effect on the time.

In fact, the gravel has packed in nicely.

BTW: Humberto's excuse of forgetting his shoes was a good one… though I suppose he had A LOT of time to think about excuses on the way up (a whole 31 extra seconds).

-Ryan

Doesn't matter, your World Record is secure.

I've never even seen them on the Hump!

Glenn hasn't even said if he's taking off his shirt at the top or not.

The Hump goes right by it.

We can do that.

Nobody will do it, but we can add it.

(record 6:54.97 less 40 seconds for the Lola eaten shoes)

It's bad enough you believed Humberto, but now you are believing Twin George?

Humberto does Kain, and now all of a sudden it's the thing to do?!

It was not easy with my tennis shoes.

Looks like you are finally getting some respect.

BTW: Humberto, that "forgot my shoes" shit might work with the Tour de Putnam crowd, but around here we only look at results.

Give us a little longer lead time, and we can let Cranky know to be there, because she is into everything Babikian.

KAIN ROAD ASSAULT
WORLD RECORD

Today Humberto Cavalheiro sent everybody up to the Tour de Putnam ride, so he could be left alone to make an attempt on Crackhead Ryan's World Record Kain Assault time of 6:23.

After dropping by the Endico Studio in Sugar Loaf and enlisting SlingShot to get in the car and follow him over to Kain Road with an official timer, Humberto hit the rolling start at the stop sign start hard and without mercy.

Fresh back from racing in Portugal, a little attack of a 7 tenth's mile hill in order to get World Record Holder status and accolades seemed just the ticket for Humberto.

SlingShot started the timer and drove up around Humberto then waited for his quick arrival at the top across from the finish line telephone pole.

Almost immediately a brown bear small enough to be mistaken for the biggest black lab SlingShot had ever seen crossed the road below him, so he was breathless when Humberto crossed the finish at 6:54.97 a moment or two later.

That is a time only 31 seconds off the world record, and quite a feather for Humberto's cap.

Since Humberto handily beats every other rider around here, that means Ryan can now lay claim to having also beaten Joe Straub, Glenn Babikian, Andreas Runggatscher, Dave Freifelder, Shawn Herndon, Dr. Art, Kevin Haley and a whole host of other riders too pitiful and numerous to be mentioned.

Of course that should be a given for a World Record, but with Humberto's help the stature of the World Record itself has now been raised to the level of wow-shazam-whoopti.

Ryan, who is somewhat new to these parts, apparently took his opportunity to walk into the prison yard of local cyclists, pick out the baddest motherfucker in the group, and kick his motherfucking ass.

Respect will likely follow, and Ryan's World Record Kain Assault of 6:23 appears to be secure for the time being.

In the spirit of full disclosure, it must also be mentioned that SlingShot has promised Ryan that if anybody ever does beat his time, he will personally give Ryan a private class in the disciplines of Spun Crystals technique, so he may go right out and beat all those guys all over again.

When asked after today's attempt if the climb made him feel like he was back in Portugal racing, Humberto commented, "We never raced on hills that fucking steep. I tasted blood in my mouth. At one point I just couldn't turn the cranks over! I need a 27 for that shit, a 23 is just too small."

Since Humberto made his attempt in the middle of a 75 mile ride, there has been some discussion that another category of Kain in a Century Sandwich should be considered, but since nobody but Humberto has even tried to beat Ryan as yet, the discussion was tabled.

SlingShot suggested that if Humberto runs into trouble turning his cranks over the next time, he should take a gamble and move over into the deeper gravel where he can churn up the climb like a paddle wheel riverboat.

Humberto countered with, "So Ryan beat me. Big fucking deal. I beat Widder by three minutes, and that's all that counts."

We did Mary's first longer intervals after her surgery on the Hump course today.

She did two 12 minute intervals with a goal of 180 watts.

The first one started at the base of Ridgebury, the second at the Jolley Onion.

She got 193 for the first one, and 185 for the second.

From Jolley Onion to Hard Core Hill (just under 4 miles) she held a 23.14 mph average.

Looks like she's getting her strength back.

Nothing.

That none of those people have a bathroom scale?

And what is a power meter other than a bathroom scale you put on your bicycle?

If you do get a Powertap, Turtle Boy, Toe Clip's your bitch.

Here you go. >>>

Stop by Sugar Loaf first, and we'll document an official time.

BTW: Didn't you say something about going to get a Powertap? If you do, I'm your setup and startup bitch.

Good luck to him though, because Joe Straub and Iron Mike Norton are the only people who have ever done Kain with any regularity, and they never reported times faster than the 6 min 30 sec range.

Nobody else has ever reported better than Widder's last personal best on the climb, and that was 3 min slower. Not one single soul has even tried to beat Ryan's 6:23 after he did it, and I do believe it is because they saw this photo. >>>

To All of you enjoying the reading, it is just plainly called BICYCLE Riding!

Why can't we all just get along?

b - throw the darn power meter away! You do not need it! Try a doughnut instead!

POWER Food.

It is a good process, and quite adequate for tracking the performance of the exercise bulimics you ride with (those for whom the only reason to ride is to be able to say, "Wow, we sure rode hard for 15 minutes. Now we can eat as much of whatever we want."), but there are those among us who take cycling a little more seriously.

In any case, all discussion of watts should actually be directed toward Toe Clip for he is currently the Power Training Guru in Chief.

All I know about it is:

t @ P/W

Besides, whatever gave you the idea that there exists an "All of you enjoying the reading"?

I just had a conversation with somebody about how hard it is to get people to understand about using rational repeatable objective measurements (as provided by a cycling power meter), and they told me something frightening.

They work as a maintenance manager in the auto industry, and they said it is even hard for them to get mechanics (people who should know better) to use torque wrenches when tightening lug bolts.

It is easier to just zip them on with an air wrench.

This person even knows of one sweet young thing who just got her car back from some shop or another, and on hearing an odd sound inside one of the hub caps found that one of the lugs had backed out and fallen free due to inadequate tightening.

It is one thing for somebody to be oblivious to how much torque they are putting on their pedals in a sport they don't care much about, but it is quite another to not use an objective metered amount of force when putting together things that people's lives depend on.

In fact (at the other end of the spectrum), using an air wrench on wheel lugs can result in them self welding to the wheel, thus making it impossible to take off during a roadside breakdown, and the mechanics who are reluctant to use the correct tool are not even fired!!!

BTW: It's pounds-feet, not foot-pounds.

In any case, somebody ought to pour liquid glass up the entire auto industry's collective ass.

Regarding your question in post #4553 about the labeling of the image on page 277, Calais-Germain, 2007, my immediate reaction to this is…maybe.

You see, if you are an anatomist, for sure you would label the metatarsals from 1-5 going from medial to lateral.

Thus the great toe would be one, and the little guy at the end of the line would be 5.

BUT, if you are the author of this text it is your prerogative to label your illustration anyway you please.

Based on the writing in the paragraph, I am inclined to believe that your observation is accurate, and that the illustartion was simply mis-labeled.

Art

Otherwise, I doubt it is within the author's perogative to mislabel this one page (while every other page in this anatomy book labels metatarsals correctly) so as to leave in doubt just exactly which digit it is that they are claiming to be the axis of pronation, suppination.

In any case, without Dr. Art's input, I would still be searching the Internet to confirm the paragraph does indeed point to the little piggie who stayed home.

Wanna see? >>>

Therefore, there are a few of us who (after a little convincing) went out on the HUMP today.

We need our bikes cleaned, polished and properly lubricated after today’s ride.

Can you have them ready for a Monday night ride?

Give Widder a holler.

Maybe you'd better check the links at post #4552 first.

Ok. Sun's out. I'm out.

HUMP REPORT

Big time man-points go out to Shawn and his friend Wayne who rode out to the hump to meet me for 3.5 hrs of wet riding.

Dan McNeilly and Doug were also there and did the hump together after a late start.

Bravo boys! Way to be tough.

It honestly wasn't that bad. Just 10 min of medium rain and mostly drizzle.

The forecasters got it wrong again.

I believe there is an error in the text p. 277 (Calais-Germain, 2007).

5th par beginning: "The second spoke….," refers to the proximal end of metatarsal II.

I believe the image to the left of Par 5 should be numbered in reverse, not I II III IV V but V IV III II I, and the actual metatarsal referred to is in fact II (adjacent to the spoke for the halucis if correctly labeled).

Yes? -b

In any case, that's 40 miles of… well, of… just what was the

t @ P/W?

Oh that's right. You have no idea.

t @ P/W

How far is that Thursday Trailside ride again?

Your new answer to everything?

t @ P/W

You'll pay.

t @ P/W

However, thanks for letting me off the writing hook.

Most keep asking for more.

The revelation was about how good my Hammy's worked standing, and how my left knee did not make the slightest complaint, and if I had not actually put on my brakes, I would have jumped passed Widder and sent her into a snit which would have been with her through fall into deep winter.

Otherwise, I forgot to mention how both Widder and I found ourselves disappointed that Harriman Park maintenance staff have flattened all our favorite hills… and that after we did all this work on the flats preparing for them.

Maybe I am wrong, but didn't there used to be some slope in that park?

Well, gotta go out now and get in my afternoon rain shower.

And I still have about 10 gallons of beer to get out of my system.

Recovering from a bad case of Eat Like a Pig Virus.

Of course it happened after the weather report changed in mid-week away from a couple clear days to rain, rain, rain.

I know I'm not the only one to have noticed that in the Northeast U.S. newly established Rain Forest (provided happily by global warming), the general rule is for the report to say the next couple days will be rain, but then it will clear.

But the clearing never quite gets here.

So once again it was supposed to be clear, but all of a sudden they are talking about afternoon thunder storms, and the radar showed them coming in from the west.

In my mad dash to get under 150 lbs before winter gets here, I knew immediately I had better come up with something to get me away from staring at the walls as they looked more and more like something really good to eat.

So I yelled, "Widder! Lets go do the long loop in Harriman. I shouldn't be doing it, but at least I can gather more data on how my left knee (and all that) recovers after such stupidity."

So we started in the parking lot below the climb on 106 and went up Warwick Brook Road, down Long Meadow, back up Seven Lakes Drive, around the race course, finishing down 106 to the parking lot.

On that last bump just before the winding 106 downhill, I was standing and taking it easy in too big a gear behind the Widder when she attacked it.

It's been awhile since we were there, so I forgot she is going to attack it no matter what.

Anyway, I didn't have time to shift gears, but I also didn't have time to hear about her dropping me on the final hill, so I just started mashing hard.

All of a sudden I realized I could feel my hamstrings curling again and again.

Sproing, sproing, sproing.

I also made note that it has been more than four years since I have been able to stand and pull up without my left knee going off like a cherry bomb.

However, I did have to back off a little, because my ham bursts almost threw me past Widder, and if that happened the next few months of hills with her would have been nothing but fun.

t @ P/W

I can't find it anywhere.

What gives?

It is my own formula, and I should trademark it.

If the Chinese didn't already own everything I have, I would.

t @ P/W

Otherwise, people might be confused thinking you are trying to say the secret is Torque (T) at Power to Weight, instead of correctly Time (t) at Power to Weight.

I thought he took the seminar.

What is so complicated about:

T @ P/W

That's why nobody wants to believe it.

After taking a beating from Kevin at the Tour De Goshen, it was time to recoup!

Riding tomorrow - but I will not be where you are! Tomorrow weather permitting - is hill climb day! (of course you are invited if you want)

I've sort of had enough of hills, but at least the Widder now knows that sort of shit tears you down, doesn't build you up.

Rain didn't help us much either, but at least I got to punish her, first by being impossible to drop, and second by making her clean my bike afterward.

Next time, try moving your arms and legs a little.

Did you realize the watts info provided at the bottom of the article reveals Widder is doing uncommonly well, just like you've been saying?

You can pedal but you cannot hide.

I'll be back in shape soon to inflict pain upon you.

What makes you think I'm afraid of clowns?

In fact, I can pedal, and in 8 more pounds I will be able to hide as well.

Sorry I took so long to respond.

I was out on my bike wondering why you were not.

I'll be gentle, I swear.

Then you can be as gentle as you wish.

I won't be at all.

Sorry I took so long to respond.

I was out on my bike wondering why you were not.

Is this whole fucking County a bunch of inbred crackers?

Sorry I took so long to respond.

I was out on my bike wondering why you were not.

On the last hill on Craigville Road, I was pacing easy up behind her while she was on Matt's wheel.

I was gaining.

Over the hill I found myself in a county without cyclists.

I never saw her again, but she reports that when they caught some group, the mere presence of Matt smacked the bejeesus out of the pace.

Sorry I took so long to respond.

I was out on my bike wondering why you were not.

Sorry I took so long to respond.

I was out on my bike wondering why you were not.

Racing with a Powertap??

I hardly know the difference between my ass and my elbow, let alone proper use of a powermeter.

I'm just getting thru the orientation period.

Check with me in a couple of months, when I'll be a full fledged power meter novice.

What I do know is the difference between a triathlete and a recreational rider.

The triathletes are the ones that dive in head first into an ocean, a lake or a bay and turbo thru at or above threshold, all while bumping elbows and avoiding kicks to the side.

A recreational rider, on the other hand, ducks, bobs, and weaves in an attempt to avoid the water shot from a supersoaker.

The position has term limits which are set to expire in a couple of months.

Sorry I took so long to respond.

I was out on my bike wondering why you were not.

Toe Clip, get your ass in here and straighten these folks out.

BTW: ddoT, this morning I am 13 lbs lighter than the day you called me a fat-ass loser.

Most people need to focus on their competitors in order to get better, but with kind reminders from friends like you, enemies are a lot less necessary.

She went off in a later wave (she is younger), so it really is a race against the clock, and there is no way of knowing who is close to you that did not go off in your wave.

I love this kind of race… makes you haul major gluteus maximus to the max!

And while I'm giving away trade secrets, if you are actually hauling to the max, you have about 15 seconds of that effort—tops.

You might do better to know exactly where max is, back off a few watts, and try to rest on each and every stride.

Don't tell anybody I told you about these little known secrets of world class performance.

Next time trip the bitch!

Let everybody enjoy a morning of post race endorphines before starting in on tactics.

Evie is all the rage on the NY scene, and the subject of a lot of discussion on Nyvelocity.com, a forum I highly discourage anyone from looking at, let alone read.

It is much more vulgar than this one, and the negative chatter there makes ARC look like a peace love not war everybody hug and make nice nice kind of place.

But when it comes to discussing Evie, the forum treats her with utmost respect, as she deserves.

Anyway, sounds like you guys had a good time yesterday ducking supersoakers and such.

Wish I was there.

Don't confuse the West Point Triathlon with the Tour de Goshen, nor easy to beat triathletes with actual cyclists.

It was a hot one out there, but there is nothing like the West Point Triathlon :)

I think me and the 2nd place woman had one of the closest ever finishing times in the race, the difference being 100th of a second!

Soooo much fun!

All things considered, just having one's start location a few paces further from the pistol would account for a 100th of a second difference in finish time.

The big clown was waiting for you with his supersoaker.

I never stop for nothin'.

At that point I had positioned myself behind the guy who had just pulled me up the previous hill.

I was using him as cover.

The big clown saw me anyway, but it wasn't quite quick enough to get there with the goods.

Along with never stopin' for nothin', I also disregard all road signage, cones, and painted lines which would demand I stay in line and close enough for big clowns to catch.

Cars bearing down on me just have to accept the fact that it is my road, and I'm using all of it.

Big clowns just have to accept the fact that I'm laughing at them.

Lauren was third out of the women though still only 24 overall, and her in shape "overall" will often place her 1st for the women and 6th or so overall, out of more than 2000 people, a term which includes men of which ddoT is sometimes considered as one.

It is interesting to note that although ddoT did get his ass kicked by Lauren, he still managed to finish significantly in front of Barbera—which probably means he is finally becoming more of a cyclist and less of an easy to beat triathlete.

Also Schmoopie (Michelle Yasson) finished significantly above the 50 percentile mark which is continuing confirmation that she is coming on very strong indeed.

She's not going to know what hit her.

I thought, "Must have been a car show. Wonder if Georgy was in it?"

That 1 mile early extension that I, Widder and the guy pulling her added to the Tour de Goshen happened because we wanted to do the classic course, and it really worked out to be about a 2 mile disadvantage (like I said at the time), because the rest of the group did mostly downhill during their 1 mile shortcut, while our route followed rollers finishing with an long gradual uphill where it came back to the route the others were following.

But that's all a whole long story I'm working on.

I won't be there tomorrow.

BTW: Juan Nunez got 10th place today.

I think it's great that through careful study, unparalleled work ethic, and precise monitoring you have improved your left knee function to within three centimeters of full range of motion.

Plus your testing now proves you continue to make steady, consistent, and irrefutable progress albeit at a rate of 1 millimeter per week.

Here's what I don't understand.

Why are you going to trash 7 weeks progress on a single ride by showing up for the Tour de Goshen on the outside chance that Toe Clip might be there?

He also caught on to the Spun Crystals exercise every bit as quickly as he understood the ramifications of his Step Test.

Unfortuately, I did not have my CPU set correctly in order to direct him through the pop watts, so he had to waste precious time and get confused by having to look down at his own monitor.

As for the pop watts he will eventually see for himself, but what he won't be able to figure out on his own is just how quickly I can get myself dropped while I totally forget about everything I showed him.

For that he will need a seminar and first hand look.

I feel I owe him that much.

Hopefully, he won't show up with his Kissena friends or they will be off the front so fast he won't get to see me dropped.

He is a real fat turtle again.

He's made his mark, and besides: he's not allowed to be racing anymore.

HUMP REPORT

Whatever.

You purchase cycling related items from high end bike shops at three times retail then auction them off on E-bay for half wholesale.

Sounds like the perfect business model, very reminiscient of how Bernie Madoff got rich.

Long day making 12 - "BIKE RACE IN PROGRESS" signs for our local S.O.S. race, but I am very happy to contribute :)

You little multi-poster you!

We still can't figure it out.

Also, Chris Charmicael's latest book "The Time Crunched Cyclist", or something like that has also suggested work intervals greater than what I've been prescribed by his own people (or rather thru the automated schedule programming that I subscribe to.)

I think I want my money back!

So if I do the local Tour De Goshen, and I get dropped when it counts, I'll blame it on CTS! (Of course I would blame it on myself as well.)

Baker, Friel, Allen/Coggan, Burke, et al, all repeat what I read in the book "Running" which I spent my high-school study halls sophomore year glued to in 1965, so don't discount CTS so easily.

It's more or less the same as every other program.

Here's my suggestion: make sure you use the Heart Rate Reserve Method to calculate your Zones.

It ticks all your zones up a little harder.

Instead of calculating percentages based on your full scale maximum HR, subtract your resting rate from your maximum and calculate percentages based on the remainder.

Then add your resting rate back to the percentages.

Let's say your maximum HR is 100 bpm (for simplicity sake), and you have calculated your 92% is 92 bpm.

However, your resting rate is 40 bpm, so lets get rid of that for the calculation, and you will have 92% of 60 bpm which is 55.2.

Adding back your resting rate (reserve) of 40 gives you 95.2 bpm.

Get it?

Your true 92% (since you never have a heart rate of 0) is 95.2 bpm, not 92.

Try that before asking for your money back, because quite frankly the best program is correctly defined as: "The one that gets you to do it," so the program you are on has put you light years ahead of others in your loser peer group who generally are not doing jack shit.

If you are coming to the Tour de Goshen, I will set aside my promise to never show up to another group ride until I am under 150 lbs with a functional left leg.

Currently I am well over 150 lbs, and my left leg was thrown out again in a riding accident last night.

Also, the question was asked if you were going to let m ride the Tour de Goshen with the rest of our club membership?

And like Bianchi, I cannot tell a lie, so I must admit that last night I was screwing Widder's brains out… doggie style as requested.

athlete0
athlete0.workout0
athlete0.workout0.data
athlete0.workout1
athlete0.workout1.data

The first one is the file established when setting up a new user. After that each download auto-numbers basic workout information paired with the data itself.

Each new user added to the software begins a new set of numbers based on an auto-numbered athlete file, which next one would look like:

athlete1
athlete1.workout0
athlete1.workout0.data
athlete1.workout1
athlete1.workout1.data

Then athlete2, athlete3, etc.

These are the files one needs to backup in order to make sure historic data notated inside the program is never lost.

This is just for Toe Clip.

I was going to do an article about how to do this, but realized the article itself would probably cause more confusion due to the vast number of different operating systems in use, not to mention the various flavors of operating system even if only considering Windows.

And since Toe Clip is the only person I know who even has the slightest interest, it is probably best to keep it as simple as possible.

The software that comes with the Powertap is way better than anybody needs, but there is a significant movement toward using third party software instead.

I have reviewed that software and found it overly complex to the degree that it actually works to hide one's performance rather than reveal it, and it doesn't even provide the simple graphs that everybody has seen on the ARC website taken from the Powertap's own software that comes free with the unit.

Unfortuately, despite the fact the Powertap software is so powerful it basically obsoletes any note taking one may be doing outside the program, it still does not make it easy to share the data you so carefully notate inside the program itself nor make it easy to backup that careful work.

Of course, the third party software is even worse in that regard, but people like to use what promoters tell them they should use, so I am not going to try and convince anybody otherwise.

The Powertap software does make it easy to export a csv data file, but that file strips any grabbed, generated, and saved intervals along with all notes, interval naming, and the original date of the performance itself.

However, all that stuff is readily available for sharing and for backup, but you have to find it (most simply) like this:

1) Search "All Files and Folders" for ".poweragent"

2) Open the folder found under your user name (not "/data")

3) Right click on the "repository" folder.

4) Send to: "Compressed (zipped) Folder"

5) Drag that zipped file onto your Desktop

You can do all this directly from the Search screen

E-mail that zip file to somebody who has a clue.

Also make sure you add the ".poweragent" folder to any backup process you may be using.

Four riders working the last 10 miles into the Big V in order to beat the storm!

WATTS in abundance!!

Perfect Pace Line work and some great riding teamwork.

Otherwise, all supposed performance parameters are just hear-say, speculation, and personal opinion based on current mythologies.

In order to avoid such speculation regarding his own performance Toe Clip has just submitted two new files for updating his personal bests page.

Of note is the fact that his 1-Hr performance has now moved from "low Untrained" up to a solid Cat 5.

Of course, all of his records are very temporary at this point, because he has not really made an effort to address any of the particulars but has only been taking his Powertap on every ride and race in order to learn how it functions.

We also have a slight issue with getting the full information e-mailed to me, but we only need to fix that situation once, and it will be streamlined and automated.

In fact, Toe Clip has mentioned a planned revisiting of his 8 minute test due to possible temperature and weather impacts on his last performance.

Of the planned test Widder said only, "Good! Let him do better. I'll just kick his ass again."

COMPARE THIS

This is just for Toe Clip, because he will fully understand and be quite impressed if not actually flabbergasted.

The rest of you will think it is total fucking bullshit.

Ok, maybe not all of you, but certainly all of you who believe the laws of physics will be suspended (at least in your own case), if you can but find your way into the correct bicycle shop with the appropriate amount of money to be shaken from your pockets.

So this is for Toe Clip and others who understand that the basic laws of physics apply to every earthly object.

I guess it all started when I went nuts over the data from Toe Clip's recent 8 minute workout test and showed the graph to Widder saying, "Take a look at this. Nothing much to improve with this performance!"

Widder took one look and jolted, "How did he know all the stuff you've been working with me for two years to achieve in order to keep his torque to power spread so wide?"

I explained, "Look: the way we've been using the power meter is just to get a real time objective look at the details of performance required to achieve excellent performance. Toe Clip has been doing a lot of racing, so he would either learn these things (and quickly), or he wouldn't be in the race. High cadence and smooth spin is just a fucking necessity."

Widder took another quick look at the data and said, "Fuck. I can beat that. In fact, I've done a lot better at 7 minutes. I just never did an 8 minute test like his."

So today was Interval Tuesday, and I suggested, "Why don't we take the day off hard intervals, and go over on the Hump, so you can try to beat Toe Clip's 8 min Power to Weight performance. Given your weight of 115.8 this morning, you will only need 205 watts. You should be able to do that."

Long story short: Widder did 208 watts, thus 8 min @ 3.96 handily beating Toe Clip's 3.92.

There is no better way to compare absolute performance than these two simple figures.

Otherwise, any comparison would just be bushel baskets of apples to oranges which is what most people accept without question.

Toe Clip himself will be interested to note that Widder also had a 166/172 bpm HR avg/max compared to his own 162/167.

In any case, there will be plenty of others who cannot get their heads around the validity of comparing only 3.96 to 3.92 (over the same time interval), because Widder's 208 watt, 21.5 mph performance was done on a straight course and into the wind (Jolly Onion to almost Mt. Eve Rd) while Toe Clip's 304 watt, 22.62 mph performance was done on his own secret criterium course which is a figure 8 with 4 hard corners—two of which are at stop signs.

Furthermore, the fact that a figure eight is inherently more efficient for speed than a straight into the wind (due to it factoring as a circle where tailwinds will mitigate headwinds) will also likely be lost on those bent on suspending the laws of physics for their own advancement.

Toe Clip is smarter than that.

WEST POINT TRIATHLON THIS SUNDAY

8am at Camp Buckner on Rt. 293!

Come out and check it out!!!!!

600 of the best around going toe to toe!

Early prediction- Lauren Warren's going to kick my ass.

I MUST APOLOGIZE

I must apologize to the front group on the Hump whom I treated so roughly when they passed me and Widder working her 150 watt test last Saturday.

After a brief knee jerk reaction to being passed (which put me right up Widder's non-responsive blocking butt), I waited for the full group to pass then jumped onto the back.

Very quickly I found myself passing the people just off the back of the sprint and saw I had an easy opportunity to go up the side of the group and take the sprint if I wished.

Somebody pointed out that would be rude, so I held back.

However, I did spend a lot of time afterwards chiding people for allowing the slowest sprint in recorded history.

I am sorry I said that, but I didn't know until I got home and looked at the data that I myself had popped a 653 watt jump which brought me close to 29 mph, so the sprint wasn't the slowest in history.

It was only as slow as would be expected with all the top riders missing.

In any case, my graph of Round Hill Road with the group catching us at the end shows something interesting.

You will note on the full graph (linked immediately right) the delay in acceleration after the large watt jump as inertia is overcome, and that the 28.8 mph peak is not reached until well after the initial effort when the actual watts have dropped to 328 watts.

I added a rollover detail for clarity which is repeated on top of the link at far right for those whose rollovers don't work.

Once again, I am sorry for trashing the sprint, but I only did it because even my initial burst for the 653 watts required torquing the pedals (effort) only equal to what I did continuously for 12 minutes and 13 seconds on Angola last Thursday, and when I finally achieved escape velocity I was only torquing what I typically hold for the entire Hump.

Apparently, my recent weight loss has me confused, and things that used to feel hard now feel rather easy.

Even with the northeastern U.S. now become a rain forest as global warming continues to suck the last remaining cold air off the poles, most people just don't want to know much.

And after all the crap you ate yesterday during the fucking rains from hell, you'd probably just better stay off the bathroom scale and not know anything yourself.

How's about sending a file, so I can update your personal bests.

HUMP REPORT

1) The Gapper Bob Gaiman

In a large, big, humongous (too many riders) sprint The Gapper took top honors today.

Actually, we couldn't tell who finished first because of the mass confusion, and Patrick told SlingShot not to go cause trouble and pass everybody after they went by him and Widder near the finish line, in order to find out.

We did see that Gapper was with the group, and we do know that if he was with them he could have beat them if he wanted to, so he gets the win.

The win would have otherwise gone to Kevin Haley, but we saw him earlier doing a reverse Hump on his own while resting for a race tomorrow.

For Toe Clip's test he exerted an average of 10 Nm, which is 7.4 ft-lbs.

That means he turned his cranks a bunch of times at about the same effort required to pick a full water bottle off the floor and place it on a table.

I doubled that effort which means I exerted enough to pick up 2 full water bottles a bunch of times.

Neither figure is really a lot of energy, but after 10 minutes or so of doing it you get really bored and feel like doing something else like getting off your bike and puking.

It is my performance on Widder's wheel up Angola Road after 32 miles of the Big Lollipop this Thursday.

All of you may notice the purple line showing how much of the climb I was overtorqued (need a triple), but Toe Clip will take special notice that it was 12 minutes 13 seconds averaging twice the effort (20 Nm vs. 10 Nm) that he expended on his 8 minute tests Tuesday.

Why?

I thought it must be you, because soon afterwards he sent a note (through another of my multitude of websites which dump queries directly into the Chatterbox database for my morning review), and it mentioned his fatness plus referred to Mary being a "Fred" which is exactly the race tactic I pointed out to you from the Baker book during your Watts Class on Sunday.

Maybe he was prompted because Mary called him fat right to his chubby little face, and maybe he read the syllabus and checked his own copy of the book not realizing how much time I have spent on Mary's wheel trying to get her to ride straight only to succeed to the degree she now appears to be all over the fucking road on purpose.

Or maybe he was prompted by one of the other 10,000 or so people Mary has cornered to blab about his blubber.

In any case, I have to live with the woman, so it is me who pays for it when anybody gets her all riled up.

We are doing the Big Lollipop today, and her target is an easy 150 watts for the 50 miles, but I am pretty sure it will end up with me suffering to hold her wheel, one hill after another (with a finale on Angola), while she gumbles quietly to herself, "Fat ass Petie better watch himself!"

As Pete so aptly puts it: "Fuck me."

Toe Clip you need to hit the Tuesday night ride. Team bike doctor, Keith, and myself will give you quite a workout.

Be careful what you wish for.

And what have you been saying to Petie Kaka?

I'll tell ya how to tap your power.

When you see the road start going upwards, get on that guy Keith's wheel and don't let go.

Welcome to my nightmare.

BTW: Toe Clip, remember when you showed up for the ultra-fast Thursday ride, and I pointed out the strongest rider saying, "Just stay on that guy's wheel," and you did it, then later reported it was the right thing to do, because it made it all very easy to finish off the front of the group?

That rider was Keith.

Georgy can beat Widder in her dreams.

BTW: Georgy, sounds like time for a Powertap, so you can very precisely and absolutely measure to a certainty just exactly what "no pressure" means and build from there.

I know something about Widder's performance.

Ryan beat Widder by 3 minutes on a 9 minute climb.

But that was on Kain Road, and nobody wants to hear about that hill.

You can now compare performances based on simple Power to Weight ratios such as: your best (rated) 5 min test today resulted in a 4.15 which is just below the cusp of a Cat 3 performance for men, or stated more concisely:

4.15 / low Cat 3 Men

Now you are also one of the very few people who have an objective understanding of what Widder can do on her bike, given that her best 5 min performance (which she has actually done for slightly over 7 minutes) is: 4.45 / mid Cat 3 Men.

Therefore the two records can be compared simply thus:

Toe Clip: 5 mins @ 4.15
Widder: 7 mins @ 4.45

She has taken off a little weight since that performance, but we have now turned our focus toward bringing her 1-Hr up to Cat 3 Men.

Comparing how you needed 50 watts more than her pacing beside her during that one 300 watt interval on the flat by the school today, and how even less watts on her part felt like even more watts to you on the hills afterward, you probably also have some insight into why I need to be under 150 lbs.

Otherwise your test today was very, very, very nice.

Too bad nobody will have a clue how nice it was, but for your own instruction you might like to look at the graph linked at right, and place a straight edge along the 300 watt line.

Except for the necessary evil of repacing after intersections, everything above the 300 line was wasted effort.

How far could you have brought up the final results if you had saved the energy poured into the over 300 in order to bring some of the under 300 higher?

Maybe a 320 average at 23 mph would have been accomplished with even fewer heart beats.

Think about that.

Also mention that Humberto is maybe the only other person who really understands what Mary can do, because he has also done a similar performance and beat her just barely.

Better show Toe Clip his updated PB page too. >>>

Perhaps it was the 80+ degrees compared with the cooler temps in my last couple of field tests, or more likely, the fact that I haven't been showing up to the Hump these days and using as an excuse my weekend racing just to avoid the friendly neighborhood hammerfests; and it's starting to show.

So, I will be showing up soon to the Orange County Pain Locker. I'll buy my share of ash whippings, and get fitter as a result.

In any event, now that I have power base levels to work with, my training will be more effective- whether it's the usual solo session, or the group thang!

Thanks for getting me started!

TCG

PS: your wife has a great… art gallery!

Toe Clip gets it.

He is now to be considered our resident watts master as I retire—freed from the cramped confines of the genie's bottle.

BTW: Toe Clip, where's them fucking files?

Zip up the whole damn (.poweragent) folder, e-mail it, and I'll sort out the details to update your personal bests which are most certainly much better represented now.

He even found a secret little nook, secluded and out of the way, where he does all his high level self-testing for program development baselines, and it has almost the exact terrain and technical difficulty of his Brooklyn races.

From him I got one of the most extravagent startled looks of recognition ever, when I showed him the Spun Crystals.

You'll be hearing more from this guy.

Especially since all watts related questions now go directly to Toe Clip.

When you get there make sure to say hi to ddoT, and let him know you are a figment of my imagination.

We are just going in case Toe Clip has a Powertap question.

Our job will be to stay out of his way, let him go off on his own to concentrate on his test interval, get back to him during his 10 minute recovery, and applaud if he does good... which he will.

That shouldn't hurt my program any, nor his.

General G. Douglas Allen showed us this place to do a nice long interval.

Start here and go southwest to a right up Mountain Rd.

It's a smooth, mild, steady climb.

Just doing the Charmichael Training Systems field test (as it's what I've been accustomed to with heart rate training): 2x8min threshold efforts, with a 10min recovery between them.

Afterwards, an easy endurance/recovery ride of about an hour or so.

Middletown Psych Center. (I'll be saying hello to friends and neighbors first!).

Don't know exactly when as I need to get some office work done first. Probably around 1pm.

We'll plan to show up at 1:00, and stay out of your way.

I already sent you e-mail about how to contact us when you are sure about the time.

Data downloads working (thanks to the MFGenius). All systems a go.

Today a field test (maybe).

Power based training ranges will be established; and a new training routine will start.

God help us, every one.

Maybe out of the parking lot at the Middletown psych center?

For other riders who may actually be serious about getting better, here's a link to ride specs. >>>

Think I'll get that.

In fact, if I have my television on, my choice is to be running that commercial or something like it.

There is this one product for back pain which puts people in the Static Back Press posture (which is part of the 3 basic exercises for the Egoscue books), and then a little robot device moves your legs around.

Well of course the thing works, because just laying in that position with your legs up on a chair for a few minutes everyday does wonders for your back.

Hell, just getting out of the seated posture (that fucked your back up in the first place) and moving around for a few minutes everyday will do you wonders as well.

In a perfect world there would be an entire TV channel dedicated to health infomercials like those, and without a single food commercial to screw up the message.

It would be the only channel I ever watched.

But if you think there is any product, method, or system in the world to get you looking like ddoT in just 90 days, you would be better served spending your money on "put me on the couch and annotate my thoughts" psycho-therapy sessions instead.

We will use Widder's Personal Best 1-Hr Power to Weight ratio, and translate that into the watts Toe Clip and I would need in order to match it.

Then we will Team Time Trial the Hump with me and Toe Clip trading pulls using our assigned wattages (each to his own) while Widder drafts.

Widder will take over and pull on every intersection, because of her incredible lightness (116 lbs) she will have a massive advantage for repacing us while overcoming the turn slow down enertia—which is the major issue to be handled.

At the finish it will be Widder's responsibility to take over at the front and pull hard for the final 200 yards or so.

It will be just like recent Tour de France series, except more obvious.

Nobody with a brain would ever believe Lance was the strongest rider for those 7 races.

The results were merely a matter of a superior team, best drugs, and highest pay-offs.

We have neither drugs nor money, but we do have power meters in order to make the Widder finish the Hump with an unbelievable speed.

Why do those two get to be on the team and get free ARC Angels jerseys?

Did you get your Powertap to download.

The current members are:

Mary Endico (The Black Widow)
Rick Sanchez (Toe Clip Guy)
and me.

We are the American Road Cycling Team Time Trialists, and we are about make Hump history.

I might know it was a Bach worthy performance, if I could get my Powertap to download, so I could look at my own data.

The device is not recognized or something.

Sometimes the CPU isn't fully seated, even though it displays "Host."

Try snapping the yellow thingy in an extra 1/32" to fully seat it into the cradle.

The Saris tech number is: 1-800-783-7257, and they have always been graciously stellar helping Widder through her computer nightmares.

Worst case scenario, hook me up with your computer in person, and I'll slap some sense into the motherfucker.

THE BATON IS PASSED

I am not saying I'm a genius, but it only took me a little under 17 seconds to show Toe Clip Guy (Rick Sanchez) everything I know about power meters and training with watts.

Therefore, I am now passing the watts guru baton over to Toe Clip who will field all future questions regarding Powertap usage and training with power.

Like I said: I'm not saying I'm a genius. I'm just saying.

In any case, Rick can help you through the Syllabus to Powertap 101 which is repeat linked at right. >>>

Maybe you'd like to mention to Toe Clip how you went out after class during a break in the rain and posted the following while doing the Chester, Goshen, Monroe, Chester loop on the Heritage Trail:

Watts / Speed / Time / HR /
Circumstance

162 / 18.1 mph / 129 bpm / 1hr 21sec / moderate traffic

Here are the figures, but I'm sure he'll keep us updated as these numbers will change the next time he gets on his bike. >>>

All you needed to say was that Lauren showed up. The rest is a given.

Toe Clip showed up for his Powertap lesson this morning, but it rained, so I had to wear him out talking.

By the time he left, he was worn out cross-eyed.

Todd, awesome race for you today!

Way to go! Is that course fun or what?! I think I lost a running shoe in the quicksand/mud! ;).

If I ever mention nobody is reading this website again, will somebody who's actually not reading it please shoot me.

The only reason I'm here, is because I was watching the coverage of the New York City Triathlon, until I realized it was just going to be a series of infomercials interspersed with pump us up, aint we cool care givers clips.

This is what I've been told by SlingShot.

At least Toto will be reading this, since apparently no one else is.

I have to go wash my jersey.

Can't have Artie looking cleaner. After all what would Mama Bianchi think.

At least my nuts are torqued better than Dr. Arts.

You've caught up on your ARC reading.

Must be the two magnets.

Didn't I tell you so?

HUMP REPORT

As Patrick pulled in sometime after today's FRONT GROUP (given that the FRONT OFF the FRONT of the FRONT FRONT GROUP plus the FRONT FRONT GROUP itself is mostly out of town or racing in Europe) he heard somebody say, "We were over 23 mph."

SlingShot took one look at the finishing group (after having seen them coming in during his and Widder's tag-on loop back out to get her 2 hr personal best) he immediately chimed, "If these people finished 23+ then I myself did a 27.8!"

Soon after that Chester Pete wandered over and said, "We finished 23.7," and SlingShot exclaimed, "Ok, if Chester Pete says it was 23+, then it was 23+, and I was wrong. In any case, I didn't finish 27.8—no matter."

Of course, SlingShot is careful and thorough, so he asked for a second confirmation from Mr. Kaka, "You say your trip computer shows 23.7?"

"Oh… I don't know. That's just what I heard. Twin George said it."

Since all the people known to American Road Cycling who are fast enough to confirm (plus trustworthy enough to count on) were not there today, I must assume 23.7 was the speed, and Matt (from West Point) whom they were calling Major Pain must have finished first.

That's as good as I can report.

MESSAGE FOR LAUREN WARREN

Hey Lauren, are you racing tomorrow up at Williams Lake? Hope to see you there if you are!

ddoT

However, I just took a look at this month's logs for you to find that Lauren hasn't been here all month. I believe they have been focusing on Schmoopie's workouts.

It does bring up a point.

I am always amazed at the number of people reading American Road Cycling who still believe there are others doing the same.

There aren't.

I just had a personal best on the Heritage Trail.

Almost every day for the last two months, I have gotten rained on again and again.

Today it was again and again and again.

The sun's out.

Me and Widder are goin' out to do the Big Lollipop 50.

Last time I went down to the city (for Widder medical tests), I looked around at the riding conditions compared to what we enjoy around here, asked myself how anybody could ever get a decent long haul steady state ride going there, and realized that cycling against the "best riders in the city" would be like having one of the locals show up for a husking contest against their best corn shuckers.

Petie mentioned his knee is all fucked up, so that might be affecting his orientation.

Widder has allowed that this Sunday's Powertap Convention will begin at 8:00 am in the Big V parking lot, where we will go over basic functioning of the unit, standard Flightcheck procedures, a few specialized training exercises with startup interval work, then finish with a loop around the Traditional B Ride Course for fun.

If you have the wireless unit, and have already checked out the software, give me the number for your hub, so I can set up my coaching CPU prior to the meeting.

Otherwise, if you haven't got the software up and running, but do in fact have a wireless unit, come to Sugar Loaf at 8:00, and I'll grab the number off the unit and step you through the software prior to going over to Big V to start the seminar late… since nobody else will be there anyway.

BTW: Sorry if it wasn't a CAP's lock problem with your nom, but I couldn't figure out the reference and knew it would just confuse the children.

I really haven't had a day off riding in about 2 months, and just about every day of those months I have been rained on, or barely missed getting dowsed.

I don't have much choice in the matter, because if I'm careful I take off 2 to 4 ounces a day, but if I fuck up I can put on 2 to 4 lbs in a single day.

So I go out every day, but not by choice.

Those circumstances and the impending tornadoes put me out on the Heritage Trail early this afternoon where I ran into Chester Pete.

Interesting conversation.

He saw my two Powertap CPU's and asked how many power meters I had on my bike.

Being absolutely certain he didn't have the slightest interest in an actual answer, I told him I had two in order to get twice the power.

He mentioned I looked a lot thinner this year, and I told him I was trying to get under 150 lbs in order to go kick Joe Straub's ass on Ridgebury.

He sneared a good luck, so I pointed out a couple people I would have to beat first, and remembered to mention that of course Humberto Cavalheiro would not be one of them.

For some reason Pete thought one of the other riders I mentioned would certainly be kicking Humberto's ass, so I had to tell him how Widder and I have been going out a 1/2 hour early to time trial the Hump, and we could attest to the fact that Humberto is often 15 minutes ahead of the frontest front group but working on his own.

Pete said, "What do you mean? He just goes out and rides away from them?!"

"Exactly. Generally somewhere around Ridgebury, and right now he's riding with a Pro team in Portugal finishing 100 mile mountain stage races with 25+ averages."

Obviously, Pete hasn't been keeping up with his reading on American Road Cycling, or he would have known all this.

I'll bet your favorite part of the day was getting home, telling Widder about your encounter with Chester Pete, and hearing her say, "By the time he shows up to ride with Turtle Boy, Humberto will be retired from racing, back to slow, fat, and riding with you and the women in the back, and Pete will just think you were fucking with him."

Or maybe your favorite part of the day was getting rained on during your evening walk—you fat choiceless bastard.

He'll be proud of you.

Memorize this video. >>>

No longer are there references to speed or power, but rather to my well laundered jersey and fresh socks.

Beat that Kevin Haley!

You may be able to max out an SRM power meter, but I'll bet you wouldn't look as sharp on page 38 of the Colorado Cyclist catalog.

As for your cycling performance, you might consider riding in the Tour de France where I am sure you will fit in quite nicely with the rest of the participants in the well manicured choreography.

And as for Kevin Haley, I am just as certain he would be perfectly suited for page 38 of Colorado Cyclist—without so much as mussing a hair. >>>

The required fields are "Name/Nom" and "Enter Query or Comments."

It just worked putting this post in, so who knows what Dr. Art is up to.

Maybe he was trying to use his own special form which may or may not have been removed years ago due to disuse, but nobody remembers anything about that.

Or maybe he didn't refresh a page that referred to a form that had to be removed due to bots spamming it, so tell him to try again and pay the fuck attention this time.

I am in a hotel in the north of Portugal.

22 mile per hour Humps are for pussies.

Yesterday we did 158 km avg of 41 km per hour.

Today we went thru some big fuckin' mountains, and the race leader was a Pro in Spain last year.

In fact, all top 25 racers were Pros who have never stopped riding Pro.

Your friend,
Humberto Cavalheiro

Editor's Note: 158 km is 98.1766 mi, and 41 km/hr is 25.4762 mph.

Am I missing something? (I didn't load the software that may already have that answer, but I just couldn't resisit asking her majesty.)

Speed makes perfect sense because knowing the tire diameter makes for an easy calculation from a stationary point inside the hub itself, but if you think it through for a moment you will quickly realize that sensing cadence from the hub is total bullshit if you want absolute precision.

Saris doesn't provide much information about the innards of the device, but it seems to me it tracks how closely the strain sensor tension is tracking with the speed of wheel rotation.

As a practical matter, I have compared it to my Polar running at the same time with an actual magnet on the crank arm and a sensor on the seat tube, and I must say the Powertap internal candence sensor is generally pretty close.

Sometimes the internal sensor will give you a reading that is total nonsense, so take it with a grain of salt.

You have been reading the Chatterbox, so you have probably heard me say it before: get the cadence sensor option (maybe not immediately), and the speed sensor option is truly optional.

I always compare the Powertap reading to speed calculations made from time vs. distance, and it is always dead on or ever so slightly conservative.

When you come back around these parts, just meet up with me somewhere (maybe the Heritage Trail or a parking lot over by the Psych Center), and I'll step you through the whole process and make sure you're set up sweet.

If you start without me make sure to read this first. >>>

Every day an average of 25 miles per hour.

I am in 53rd.

136 guys started the race.

No training prepared me for this!

HUMP REPORT

A rare sighting of Dr. Art at the end of today's Hump.

Due to the fact this was a published appearance, Widder waited for his arrival at the finish line while SlingShot went back to the parking lot for the car.

In the interim Kevin Haley won the sprint for the FRONT of the FRONT off the FRONT of the FRONT FRONT GROUP.

When he looked back to see the damage, Widder shouted, "Yeah, you beat them all."

Soon afterward Dave Friefelder went by and asked, "Did Kevin take it?"

Kevin will probably be happy to hear about that.

SlingShot returned with the car in time to be there to watch the sprint for the 4th or 5th GROUP off the back of the BACK of the BACK BACK GROUP which was taken by Rich Cruet.

That group was 20 minutes behind the FRONTEST of the MOST FRONT FRONT, but they probably would have been much closer if they had not spent so much time waiting for Cranky—a fact evidenced (and made obvious) by the fact that she was there.

Of course, Dr. Art arrived with the-waiting-for-Cranky-group, and he looked so good SlingShot had to listen to this all the way home:

"Wow! Did you see Dr. Art? He looked so crisp and clean he made Bianchi look dingy. Did you see all the sparkley white? My new jersey I bought just last week already has grease on it, but some of Dr. Art's pristine gear has to be 40 year old vintage collector items, and even his sweat looked polished!!!"

TWINKIE DEFENSE

I'm telling you, it wasn't my fault.

In fact, I went out of my way to avoid it.

My current policy is not to show up for a group ride until I am under 150 lbs with a functional left leg, but if a ride comes to me that's a different story.

When I arrived at the Hertiage Trail yesterday I saw Bob Wells passing through the train station, and my first thought was to go chase him down, but I remembered it was a rest day, and I was only there to take off a few ounces and make my left leg better, so I did my usual flightcheck and never chased.

Like I said, I went out of my way.

Just after the turn around in Goshen I saw Vince Suitcase Herlihey approach, and my first thought was, "Pick up the pace a little, so he doesn't catch me if he turns around," but I remembered my goal and added, "Fuck that. Keep pace. If he catches just bore him with watts talk," and I kept going easy.

Really, I was serious about avoidance.

At the Duck Farm Road crossing I'd already clicked my interval and was continuing my easy pace when: BOOM, somebody passed in a blur going hard.

Like I said, no group rides until under 150 with two legs working, but this ride came to me.

Besides, nothing about the attack even made it to my scripted cerebral cortex; it was just pure reflex to jump on the guy's wheel.

Of course, as soon as I hooked on I thought, "Take it easy, SlingShot, you are working a plan, and this ain't it."

Except that thought was immediately pushed aside by, "It would be doing this guy a disservice to let him think he drops me. He might start thinking he's all fast and strong and shit. Besides, I can just hang on and practice clicking intervals while distracted."

Then the guy started attacking at every pole, road crossing, instance of trail traffic, and slight uphill grade shift.

Thankfully, I had my power meter, so I never panicked.

Instead of tensing up with every attack, I started reading his ride and responding accordingly.

Everytime he clicked up and started mashing, I clicked down and spun a little faster as I watched my watt meter spike while the effort drained out of my legs.

Soon I could anticipate his surges from his body language and would click down spinning faster just before, so it was even easier to stay on his wheel.

He seemed so intent on dropping me that I started feeling guilty about hanging on his wheel, but I figured so long as I was being quiet, mannerly, and never pushing the pace myself, it would be a good learning experience for him.

The only reason I was even on the trail was because I had been there the day before to get totally drenched by a rain which got progressively harder until my only thought was, "The only thing to count on is no matter how hard it's raining, it will soon be raining harder."

That thought came just before I got hit by a wasp right on the center of my chin, which then swelled up as big as Billy Bob Thorton's in the movie SlingBlade and promised me a couple weeks of an infected little bump due to my allergic reaction to bee stings.

Which reminded me the only reason I was putting up with the rain, and riding on the trail, was because next morning was going to find me in the city for Widder medical tests, and I was sure to put on a couple pounds due to the obligitory bored in the car eating binge, and that eating binge was what made it mandatory for me to be back out the very moment we got back from the city.

If not for my ongoing intense sugar and caffeine rush (picked up in the coffee shop next to Beth Israel), I would have ignored the first attack.

Turns out it wasn't even an attack, because late in the ride I noticed he was going hard, easing up, looking at his trip computer and shaking his head, so I finally realized that what I thought were attacks were really just results of the frustration of training without a power meter.

He was using his mph pace as a ride goal so was attacking and blowing himself up on every little uphill, road crossing, instance of trail traffic, or loss of focus.

I decided to get in an extra 8 miles by following him to Goshen when we came back around to Chester, so I hit another interval on my "full loop" computer, and found out he was holding a very consistant 20 mph pace that way, but if he had a power meter, he would have known he only needed about 200 consistent watts to do it, and wouldn't have been hurting himself by overcompensating as his current mph average fluctuated wildly.

Given the circumstances I would feel pretty bad about harassing him for 23 miles (especially with regard to how much effort I put into being extra quiet, because I didn't want him to hear how much I was actually coasting due to being guided by my power meter instead of his wheel), but I really can't be blamed

If not for the caffeine and yellow cake from the coffee shop in the city, I would have been able to let him fly on past me the first time.

Neither of us should have been going that hard on the trail, tacking chances on the cross roads, endangering 4 year olds on tricycles, women with baby carriages, zombies on roller blades, etc, but as for myself, I'm invoking the twinkie defense.

After you know when it happens, and what causes it, you will learn to ride faster with greater ease, so you will be able to stay in rides (possibly dominate them) without pain.

People using old-timey pain based measurement systems do not realize the specific actual difference training with power makes.

C'mon Clipper, I miss ya!

We all miss him.

In fact I interceeded on your behalf with the Bicycle Doctor, and he has assured me your Powertap wheel is all laced up and ready to go.

He was planning to tell you sometime near the end of the next decade.

What'd you say the name of your gerbil was again?

How am I supposed to get an objective reading on my cycling ability?

Get your ass over to Kain Road and try your hand at beating Crackhead Ryan's world record 6:28 from stop sign to the telephone pole by the park access road at top left.

It is only 7/10's of a mile, and there's a slight break at the 1/2 mile mark where most people gladly take a let up, but Ryan clicked up and pushed harder.

Don't worry about getting the exact start mark or ending telephone pole, because you aren't likely to come within 3 minutes of beating his record.

I am not saying Ryan is one of the legendary greats of cycling.

I'm just saying that everytime I start to tell somebody about his record I ask, "Do you know Ryan?" and they all say, "Of course. That motherfucker can climb."

Ryan's American Road Cycling All Time Record for the Kain Road Climb is likely to stand long enough for you to tell your great grandkids how the hardest day of your life was the day you tried to beat it.

Good fucking luck. At least you'll save yourself the cost of a power meter.

I assume the "Normalized Power" is an attempt to point out that torque at the pedal is somewhat variable when it comes to the watts result at the wheel.

Unless of course the numbers are not themselves just an attempt to inflate performance specs while hiding the pure simplicity a power meter provides.

A more comprehensive summary would show that the 245 watt performance for the stage at 141 pound body weight would give a 3.83 Power to Weight Ratio which would be merely a low Cat 3 performance if held for one hour.

People will probably quit publishing these objective easy to compare figures as soon as word gets out how much of the sheen these numbers polish off the bullshit.

However, the article does provide insight about how instructive it should be for a rider (say Dangerous Dan) when I am pacing beside him on the first little hill on Hulse Town Road during the Backwards Crazy Eight, and I mention, "Dan, you know we are currently holding 600 watts plus," and when I get home I find out I had already hit over 700 watts on the two hills previous… with nary a fucking clue.

It also goes a long way toward explaining why Tom Folkl almost fell off his bike when he asked me what my watts were near the top of Ridge Road the week after, and I looked down and reported, "Currently, 575."

People really haven't got the foggiest notion how routinely they work not only over their own limit, but over the limit of Tour de France riders.

No wonder everybody ends up limping away from "group rides" while getting worse at their sport every single week.

However, Morgan (seven time winner of the Bethel race series) showed up, so maybe it wasn't as slow as it could have been.

On the other hand I did get some real good insight into how important my power meter is to me.

How else could I have found out that on the hard hill at the start of Jackson Road (where I have traditionally never finished closer than 50 feet or so off the back on a good day) my staying with the front riders today did not mean they were going extra easy (which I assumed at the time), but that our time today was equal to earlier climbs this year where you might remember Widder laid waste to the appropriate men plus a woman.

Also, how would I have found out that for the Goldilocks Hill section Mary's easy (only stay with her target) spin gave her a 24.03 mph average (for the length of 747 from 207 to 17K) while using about half the torque she used for her 2-Hour personal best Time Trial watts on the Hump yesterday.

Plus, how could I have figured out that we had a 19.8 mph average as we stayed with the group all the way to New Hurley Road (where we turned back for work letting the others go on to New Paltz), and Mary used 23 watts less than she needed for her entire 2-Hour yesterday, and that includes 4 miles of hanging on to the back of a paceline along the Weiner Ridge flats at 22.77 mph average with several sections of 25 plus and a 27.83 max.

But maybe most, how would Mary and I both know the importance of my statement at the beginning of the ride when I said, "Mary, look at Morgan's rear wheel," and she saw right away he had a Powertap hub.

I'm thinking it won't be much longer that I have to wonder why anybody pretending to be serious about their cycling hasn't already chosen to judge their performance using a simple to the point objective reference such as watts, instead of their bullshit perception.

HUMP REPORT

What with Humberto racing with that Portuguese Pro team in Europe, and a big stage race this weekend in Sussex, we didn't expect much to be happening on the Hump, so we were surprised to see a tight little group of front riders just behind Joe Straub at the finish.

I believe Dave Friefelder was on Joe's wheel, but we didn't actually see who won, because we were already on our way out again in order to complete an extra few minutes and get in a full 2 hour personal best for Mary.

The original plan was to go easy and confirm Mary has now completed a goal established this winter in Florida— before her two surgery setbacks.

At the beginning of last winter, Mary said she wanted to make a 140 watt loop her bottom line worst case scenario.

She has finished numerous 21+ Humps in the group with less watts, and just wanted to make sure that was her new bottom line.

Therefore, today's Hump goal was an easy 140 watts for her pulling the whole way, and it turned out a good test for worst case scenario, because she so aggressively overworked the hill on Cross Road, she spent the rest of the ride limping and whining about feeling like shit as every other part of her body took its turn to fail in order.

Then as we were coming to the S turn Mary remembered, "You know, my PB 2 hour is 154, but that happened when I was behind you after my 174 1-hr (Cat 3 for MEN) Time Trial, so I want to make sure I can do 140 on my own and for two hours. We're going to loop back out at the finish."

So I missed seeing who was who in today's sprint, because I was following Widder back out on the course while watching intently to decide which of a few dozen performance elements had failed on her most profoundly as she set her new watts PB of 2 hours at 143 watts, with a 17.36 mph average (her speed of course was nowhere near her persoanl best).

You'll get a much longer workout.

So if Crackhead smokes you by 3 minutes on a 7/10ths of a mile "hill," how much would he dust you by in the 35 mile Hump?

However, it is fortuitous you ask, because after Ryan's world record success, I broke my new rule about not showing up for any more group rides until I'm under 150 lbs with a functional left leg.

I went to the Thursday Trailside Ride, so I could be there to see the look of surprise on Ryan's face when he realized the results of the few little tricks we explained to him after seeing what he could do on Kain.

Of course, at the end of the Trailside Ride, Ryan was beaming, because he finished with the front group and felt the effort almost not at all—a state of being which was in stark contrast to one of the other front riders (fresh from the front of the Tuesday ride) who mentioned he felt like puking, "…but then the Thursday's rides always are the hardest."

Sweet!

My suggestion would be for people to wait till the gravel wears off Kain, then go over in private to try and match Ryan's effort so as to avoid possible embarassment in front of spectators.

Where's that fucking Ryan vs. Kain article?

I have directions to the road now and maybe a little time at some point this weekend.

Is the time taken from a standing start or rolling?

Currently it works like this: the bottom starts on Kain Road itself across from the stop sign which would be for traffic coming down Kain.

The finish line is the large diameter telephone pole on the left beside the very first driveway (maybe park access road) at the very top.

Those two markers will probably outlast any road paint.

There is probably little difference in a rolling or standing start, because at the stop sign on Kain you will already be pretty much stationary no matter how you hit it.

That being said, for safety we have been using a rolling start into the left turn past the stop sign off of Bellvale Lakes Road—where you will already be going uphill.

We plan to have Ryan ride over from Sugar Loaf (perfect warmup) as we drive over in the car and set up timing.

We will be glad to do the same for you, or you may do it yourself and swear on your next set of Dura-ace that you are telling us the truth.

Crackhead Ryan will be here around 10:00 am to go for an All Time American Road Cycling Record for the Kain Road Climb.

Maybe he'll win those red "Eat Me" cycling socks.

Plus, I'm tired from mashing with Keith last night at the Joe fix its ride.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

I contend the correct truism should read:

Those who can, teach. Those who can't teach have to get a job.

All he has to do is be underpaid and put up with parents.

Kain will be a relief for him.

ddoT… be there to back up your boasts.

A never worn pair of red "Eat Me" cycling socks to the winner.

Up here in Sullivan County, us folks call Kain Road Pussy Hill.

Bob's eaten doughnuts bigger than him, so he should fly up that hill.

If necessary I will come pace him up the first half.

Getting your rapaz little extremidade blistered by an old lady would likely put an end to your Serra da Estrela dreams, plus you would get kicked past Portlish into full Portuguese mode.

Due to the fact the picture of you spinning by while Mary circled in a driveway during her last (failed) attempt to get up the climb became the major inspiration keeping her going over the last switchback this time out, we will change our schedule around to accommodate.

Come to Sugar Loaf at your convenience (between rain events) for the perfect warmup over to Kain.

What time will that be?

Last time we had him try to beat Widder (in a pure Power to Weight contest), he beat her, but it almost killed him.

Mr. Cavalheiro is much better off continuing his workouts over on that Mountain Road he likes so well, or as we now like to call it: Pussy Hill Road.

Any runners who wish to compete must meet Official American Road Cycling Climbing Standards by dressing up as the devil and running up bare-assed carrying a trident.

KAIN ACCOMPLI

SlingShot posts personal best as new American Road Cycling Kain Road Climb record is set.

Despite having a major IT-band malfunction which was causing his left knee to beep like construction equipment in reverse, SlingShot went out with Widder today in order to get baseline data for a Kain to Mountain Road comparison.

Due to the fact SlingShot has not made a successful attack on Kain since his 2006 PB of 10:44 (now three years standing), he held no hope at all for coming even close to his previous times.

"If I could just finish the climb for once, not fucking up my back in the process would be a bonus," he told reporters ealier in the day.

Remember, the 7 tenths mile Kain Road has been described as, "…ready for wallpapering."

However, at the 5 tenths mile mark (the slight and only break in the climb) SlingShot realized he might actually break 10 minutes, so he rushed the final distance and allowed his heart rate to crest while achieving a 9:57 climb PB.

Excitement was added to the event by completion without a single stop nor even the slightest waiver into a traverse position: straight up the fucking slope and that is that!

Later SlingShot was even more excited to learn he had finished only 30 seconds after Widder (who had started the climb with him) posted a new American Road Cycling Kain Road Climb All Time Record of 9:29.

It's warm, sunny, and green, and me and Widder are going out to do Kain Road.

It is 7/10 of a mile long, and my personal best is 10 min 44 seconds from stop sign to top on 10/12/06.

Fucking asshole.

We'd hate to see our logo on the center podium.

Tom Folkl won the Sunrise-dot jersey for taking the climb.

It would have been more epic if you were there!

I took another beating on the climbs this week!

I am watt out!

When we got to the top, we realized there would be no better opportunity than that moment to compare Deer Hill, so we went down that way and came back up.

Deer Hill is somewhat easier, but neither climbs are a Kain which is no Glade Hill.

As for me, my trainer says I am not allowed to do any more group rides until I am under 150 with a functional left leg.

Today we get hair cuts, then do a quick Kain to gather data.

Before my ride yesterday I drove the Backward Crazy 8 to get mileages for an upcoming watts-opedia posting, because I totally fucked up my interval clicks last Thursday. >>>

I am 149 pounds.

Tonight I am eating a whole chicken stuffed with goat cheese.

Fuck you very much.

Right, Cranky, you really knew Humberto when, as did we all. Or maybe...

Tell us Humberto. Did you have some prosciutto with those dogs?

Did they give you a bottle of red wine to take home?

We might need a push someday.

Or… everybody was on the Sunrise Mtn ride today!

Hah, kidding!

Congrats Humberto!!!! Way to represent your loyal Hump followers!

It is like reporting, "The sun came up this morning."

In any case, attribute this win to a series of late night impromptu prosciutto events.

Then if you are still up for it grab the Bicycle Doctor, and make him chase you up Glade Hill afterward. >>>

Apparently the Bicycle Doctor does.

Speaking of the Bicycle Doctor, his name is Rich Cruet and he looks like this:

CLICK

And his bike shop looks like this:

CLICK

Anyway, Rich must remember the Three Little Pigs, because Monday he went out on his own and did part of the Mission… the hard part: Furman Glade Hill Road… before the rest of us nasty ass wolves come out to play.

Good thing for me he did it, too, because on tonight's Trailside Ride, Rich was so bored from missing the fun of Glade Road toward the end of the ride, he pushed me up the whole hill on Rte 94 after I got blocked in and was pretty much going to get dropped.

I don't mean a little booster-push either but a full monte, all the way to the top and over push.

Did I mention that everybody who is somebody in these parts cycling has gone through Rich's development program out of The Bicycle Doctor bike shop.

Their team jersey looks like this:

And yes, by "everybody" I do mean Humberto (soon to be racing with a Portuguese Pro team in a couple weeks) Cavalheiro also.

Rich must have really been missing Glade Hill Road and all the fun he had on it, because that push was epic, and it put me in position to make a big attack on one of the last hills of the ride, which was later described as if the group were being, "…passed by a tornado!"

Given Rich's recent performance on Glade Hill, plus his long standing race development program, and the look and feel of his bike shop in general, American Road Cycling's current position is that the only place a person should even consider buying a bicycle, parts, or service is from The Bicycle Doctor.

This position stands despite the horrible things Rich said about the folks from Sullivan County which might be paraphrased thus:

"Look, I only went and did that hill because those people up there are always making such a big deal about it, and then it was mentioned in this Chatterbox nonsense."

"I really thought it might add to my respect for those dufuses from Sullivan County, but after riding up that hill (all the way to the top mind you) all's I can say is those people are fucking out of their minds… pathologic in fact."

"Ever since I rode that bullshit hill I have been telling everybody who will listen that they should never do it, ever, not even once, because it is stupid."

"Unfortunately, nobody will listen, and they all say they want to go see for themselves.

"Idiots."

What'd it tell you?

They're scared shitless.

See, that's the problem, I can't beat up on anybody if they don't tell me where they are riding from and when.

Oh yeah, told you that guy Keith can mash it. He would of kicked my ass again Tuesday if he was there.

I plan on doing the Sunrise Mtn. ride Sunday, maybe I'll see you guys there.

I caught a bad wheel on Ridgebury Saturday, or I think I could have held on to the front group at least a little longer.

It was my first Hump in two months, and I didn't know that I was putting myself in a bad position.

Live and learn.

Poor Davey Millar today. Good try on his part though.

Mary always used to forward ride discussions herself, but the rides got changed at the very last minute too many times, so she stopped.

Here try this.

Copy paste the following into an e-mail to: gdallen@hvc.rr.com

Hey Doug (you motherfucking asshole),

Put my goddamn e-mail address on your cock sucking CC list you suck-ass old dickhead.

Sincerely, your fondest supporter,

ddoT

First off, I assume you mean the Tuesday ride, because this is Thursday and there are two rides: one from Joe Fix It's and one from Chester Train Station.

Actually, it doesn't matter which one you mean, because they both suffer from the same problem: they start during the new East Coast Rain Forest afternoon rain, and I've been trying to get out before the daily downpour.

I haven't been successful, because every day I watch the weather maps and soon as I can get my morning exercises done, I yell to Widder, "We've got to go now, or we we'll be getting rained on."

Despite that we get hit by rain just before the end of our Heritage Trail loop no matter how early I manage to get us out the door.

The other problem with both rides is my total inability to control myself.

I have become very much aware of what muscle groups fail, at what time into a ride, under what amount of power.

On my own, I can monitor the situation and not do further damage to body parts overstressed from too much fat being pulled up too much of a hill.

However, on a group ride I lose all consiciousness of that and only know I am going to stay on a wheel no matter what fucking part (or parts) of me fails.

Very soon the endorphins kick in so I not only lose track of what is failing, I begin believing nothing has failed, nor ever could anything fail.

A few days later I am always surprised when I come down from the rider's high and realize I am in fact human, not a cycling machine, and parts of me are not likely to be recovering till sometime next season if I keep doing such shit.

Hell, after I watched Widder beat some really big strong men to the top of Mt. Eve on Sunday, I even thought I could do a Mission.

Then I remembered it was Widder who beat them not me.

I would mention their names, but they know who they are, and the ride officials saw it happen, so I will only mention that after she toasted them she caught up to the front riders who were waiting, and she got to see Keith look at her like, "What the fuck is this old woman doing in front of those big strong men?"

Which reminds me, your friend Keith was reported to have done very well on the rest of that ride, though he was a little weak on the flats (probably basted by the uphills), and two weeks ago he stayed with Humberto over Ridgebury and all the way to the Camel Farm, so I'm still confused why you ain't going out with the fast ride.

It surprises me that the Hump officials haven't already banned you from going out easy and beating up on clearly weaker riders.

Your choreography is showing.

I've been having to ride everyday in the rain just to keep from getting as big as a house, and both our data shows the slightest misstep puts us further out of shape and not a step closer to being in shape.

We can't even sit in the car for long enough to finish the cue sheet.

I'm no Lance fan, but ya gotta respect him.

He's been off his bike a few years, and then there's that injury.

He is probably not going to win this one.

Lance is fat and out of shape. >>>

True?

What I noticed was that none of the four people I could see were sound.

Even Joe Straub was losing power in his left hip.

I predicted it would turn out this way last year after he broke his scapula (at the time I was told it was his collar bone), so I figured I had better run the old video again for Bianchi's benefit.

<<< See the video linked at left.

Bianchi has a fresh tear in his (collar bone) AC ligament with a real nice bump on his shoulder that is common for collar bone breaks and tears like his.

What is not common is for anybody to point out that these little bumps actually point to a major dysfunction in the making.

Without the ligament holding that joint together, it is never going to be quite as strong again, and everything that has any relationship to it is also not going to be quite as strong again either.

That joint is part of the coat hanger for the body, so everything is hanging on it and thus affected.

Eventually a domino effect of functional failures will propagate through Bianchi's entire body, but it will happen rather slowly, and most people will consider things are all healed if there is no obviously major problem.

The human body does an incredible job of covering up and adjusting to problems like a torn ligament, so it is easy to think a couple weeks and you're all fixed up.

It has taken me 10 years to fully define how my broken collar bone added to my already genetically malformed L5 to cause all the weird little functional failures I experienced after my crash, and how the related final outcome of my canary in the coal mine knee pain putting me on the edge of a motorized wheel chair might have been avoided.

In any case, if my insurance covered it, and somebody offered me a fix to a torn clavicular ligament (under the guise of cosmetic surgery), I'd sure as fuck take the hit on this year's riding and get fixed for the long term.

But that's just my opinion.

I am no doctor, and I only wake up every morning hoping my back won't spasm while making the bed, and I can make the step between my bedroom and living room.

Was it a wreck or what?

He desperately wanted to fit in with his new friends, but the only thing he could think of was getting one of those
"I ♥ Mother" dealies. >>>

I'm pulling the plug on my mother's computer.

Thank youuuuu Cranky for bringing up the "B" question.

I think I'll retire to my basement and ride my stationary bike for an hour at 100 rpm and 240 watts.

At least Ole Chubby SlingShot will appreciate that.

Now where did Widder put that nurse's uniform.

Ifa my son the Bianchi stops by you no believe alla his bruises were caused by him falling on the Tween Arch road.

I tella him not to ride my track bike on the road, but he no listen to his Mama, and he get hurt.

When he come home from the hospital I giva him a cold glass of the milk and a brownie to maka him feel better, so I decide to ask him who maka the best brownies hisa Mama or that nica Italian girl Francesca.

I always tella my son to always tella no lie, so he say, "Mama, your brownies were the best."

Thatsa when I beat his leg with my wooden mixing spoon, and I tella him sometimes telling the truth hurts even whena you tell your Mama, so you no think that alla his bruises were froma falling offa the bike.

That will teach him to tell the truth.

All you other fuckers prefer to stroke me with, "Oh, no, SlingShot, you are actually quite thin… maybe too thin."

Also, don't forget: he's the one who blew the lid off that 25+ Hump bullshit.

We finished at 22.2mph. The front was 23 mph, and they all took a cool down ride while I came back and started my run.

I'm pleased though. I haven't Humped in around two months.

Still don't.

HUMP REPORT

Just when I thought I had it all figured out it happened.

My performance on today's Hump was just as expected, if you consider I have put on 15 lbs since winter, worn myself to a frazzle with back to back weekly 36 mile Time Trial's at an effort that would easily generate 20 mph averages on a closed course, and topped it off a few times by throwing away the play book in order to confirm what would happen if I rode with a group and allowed my natural inclination to chase to fuck my whole program up for me.

Therefore, when Widder and I got around to Iron Mike's Hill (the fruit stand) where Humberto and Morgan caught me last week, I was thinking, "Shit, 17.5 with 172 watts. We ain't even going to break 18, and nobody's in sight. There must have been a mechanical, or they decided to keep the group slow and together today. Maybe Humberto needs a day off."

I told Widder to keep monitoring our behind and gave her permission to go off with Humberto when he got there.

Nobody ever showed up, so when we got back in the parking lot I moved on to reviewing the situation with my back, knee, foot, belly, etc.

I had been prompted toward the review by Widder's suggestion somewhere on Oil City that my right foot was spasming at the bottom of the stroke, but when I smoothed it out, I realized it was darting away from a growing pain in my right lumborum.

Then I was reminded of it again when I shut down after the finish line, started talking, and lost focus just long enough for my full lower back to twinge like it might put me down for a week.

By the time I eased into the car, my back seemed like it might be ok if I went straight home and hit the Egoscue.

I was especially hopeful, because I had just spent the morning showing Widder how easily I can now navigate the 12" step from bedroom to living room, and explaining how my most recent insights (using the Calais-Germain book for guidance) has provided absolutely solid and stable no bullshit improvement.

In any case, I was pretty much back to ok with myself by the time we drove over to the gas station and Mary started the fill-up.

I went through the checklist of my improvements over the last few months and everything made perfect sense, even how my knee had chirped on the ride but I could quiet it by just a little tension in my left side Biceps femoris.

A little counter intuitive, maybe, if I hadn't already put in the months of observation and work getting the other related muscles working correctly as I worked through all the elements of what kept my knee wanting to pop like a nail gun had hit it, but indisputable progress was finally being made.

I listened to the gas pouring into the tank and thought, "Finally, everything makes perfect sense, and… oh, good… here comes Kevin, so all's well with the people out on the Hump after all, and Humberto maybe did need that day off… HUH? What? How can that…"

It wasn't Kevin!

It was ddoT!

ddoT blasted into the parking lot so far ahead of the FRONT of the FRONT OFF THE FRONT of the FRONT GROUP, I panicked and said, "Widder, we have to drive out and make sure there hasn't been a crash. This ain't right."

But after Mary finished gasing us, and we pulled out onto Pumkin Swamp Road, it wasn't long before we saw the whole AA group, then the group behind them, then another group behind them.

By the time we drove back the parking lot to check things out, ddoT was already gone out for his run, and everybody else was already in full end of Hump bullshit mode, so we couldn't get a straight answer to save our souls.

Therfore, as it stands: ddoT finished a full three minutes ahead of the closest group to him on today's Hump.

Nobody ever passed us on the course, so that's all we can say about it.

The Tour de France is on !

Wasn't it tragic: how they found that drug in his room, and he was traveling with a small mobile drug clinic, and even his own anaesthesiologist?

And how skinny he was.

He was going to win the Tour de France, then Michael Jackson up and dies, just like that.

Tragic.

We will tolerate no more veiled attempts for spice such as Bianchi's Thursday incident.

If it is shoulder, why do we have a picture of the ACL and knee in the link?

It is hard enough to gleen content by skimming without throwing me for a loop.

It will be years before he even realizes how the slight dysfunction in his knee has fucked up his balance and slowly destroyed first his hip, then his feet, then his other back and up through his shoulder over into his carpel tunnel, etc.

People rarely understand that in the first few weeks of an injury like this their body is building repairs at the molecular level.

If you think a piece of toilet tissue is thin, you should see how delicate the building of new ligamentary tissue is, especially since it is devoid of direct blood supply.

Muscles are designed to grow and repair on a massive level.

Ligaments are not.

You might have noticed Cranky always skims and rarely gets the full story.

That's probably why she thinks there are ligaments, joints, bones, muscles, and brains that aren't needed for cycling.

No, your other left.

Usually I get that correct.

It's the elbow and that other thingy I always have trouble with.

Doc Widdy?

You will note on the photo of the AC ligament linked at right the description how it, "…tends to resist anterior displacement of the tibia on the femur…" so Mr. Big Bianchi had better be extra careful with it, if he hopes to continue the nonsense of having his track bike continuously and forcefully slam his tibia anteriorally into his whining femur on a daily basis.

Some nice folks helped him and called an ambulance.

He tore the AC ligament in his shoulder and has some serious road rash.

We're still picking up pieces of his helmet. No riding for six weeks.

Yeah, right. He'll be back in the saddle by next week.

Personally, I think it was just a ploy to get me to dress up in a nurses's uniform.

Mary'll bake him a brownie. He'll be fine.

Just last night, Doug was ignoring your advice and mashing when he sheared off his fucking pedal.

If he didn't get lucky, and the pedal didn't fall off completely until his downstroke on the other foot... shit would have happened.

How does one use a power meter for that?

In order to raise your cadence, you must mash it, therefore doing the best and worst thing for you at the same time!

That way you could precisely guage your improvement and design correct workouts.

Back in the day (when you were but a wee little bitty baby), there were three full time bicycle mechanics working at Joe-Fix-It's.

I used to go in and stand between them to ask a question, so I could listen to them fight over the answer and get an idea what my next step should be.

I learned a lot that way, but in five years of trying to take over the maintenance of my own bike, I never experienced the same problem twice, so I still always had to show up at the back door and beg for entrance.

One of the mechanics was Don whose father was a known mountain biker, and young Don himself ended up riding for Sobe.

He is now with Verge I believe.

Another was John who used to wear a T-shirt with big letters "OFG" on the front which was part of his outfit for showing up to mountain bike races and kicking decked out city slickers asses who were riding full suspension disk brake marvels of technology while he himself was riding with ONE FUCKING GEAR.

The other mechanic was Steve who is still there and is a lifetime journeyman behind a wrench.

Steve routinely sees hundreds if not thousands of drive chains a month, and for as long as I have been around cycling he has stood in his little corner taking care of whatever problem wanders in, so last week I finally gave in and took my (just back from it's third trip to NYC for service) self-shifting fiasco of a high-end road bike over for him to look at, and he fixed it in about 3 minutes.

In any case, a single speed mountain bike race is just that… a single speed mountain bike race. If everybody has the same equipment, then the winner is the more or less best with that type of gear and in that type of race who happened to also win the healthy and ready to ride on that precise day lottery besides.

The Hump is closer to a Formula One race than it is to a monster truck pile up, but there are plenty of people riding it who don't understand that distinction.

Tractor pulls should not be compared to pole vaulting while race results are maybe the least precise way of judging success.

Here's a graph that shows the standard false logic used to hold a "steady" pace.

It is from my personal best Silence of the Lambs last Sunday and is the hardest part of the climb on Smith Clove Road (.5 mile) coming back to Humberto's.

The graph begins at the point where I said to the guy pulling me, "350 watts, not doin' it," and I dropped below 300 which I knew I could maintain.

He checked his trip computer and responded, "Hmm… 10 mph, I'll hold that then."

Widder says the guy pulling me is always the steadiest wheel she follows and being behind him is like being behind me, so (though he doesn't ride with a power meter) he has learned through years of trial and error just how to hold a pretty steady mph pace.

Earlier in the ride, he was telling me about how frustrating the previous Saturday's Hump had been when he tried to get the AA's (20 minutes behind the front group of Humberto and Morgan) to work smooth and steady, so he at least knows conceptually the necessity of working downhills and flats while not overworking the uphills.

Still, riding without a power meter allows a wide interpretation of "pace," and just watching your mph is an insane (but typical) bit of false logic that even excellent riders use.

When I dropped my watts below 300, the pull guy took a quick look at his speed of the moment and decided that meant 10 mph was the "pace" I could hold.

You will notice the speed (blue line) is rather steady, but my effort (gold line) is wildly variable against it.

There is also lots of wasted effort (where the purple line is overtorqued above the gold), but that's another story in itself.

In summary, that section was only a 229 watt average, but put a straight edge across the 225 watt line, and you can see how much energy was wasted.

If, instead of following mph which constantly varies with slope, we were following a reliable stable standard (watts), we could have averaged 14 mph just as easily, maybe more easily.

Fortunately, the objective output of my power meter confirmed my 358 watt spike (which my legs barely hinted at), so I knew to ease off long before my heart rate would have told me (didn't even go over 150 bpm for another tenth of a mile), so I had plenty juice left to make up the .2 mph average needed to get my personal best.

Without my trusty power meter running, I would have blown on that hill and chalked up another frustrating could a, would a, should a ride. >>>