Below is the attendance record for January of 2007
for the various luminaries
seen arriving in the lobby of the American Road Cycling web site. Now, let's not
make a contest out of this to see who can achieve the most perfect
attendance record. However, anybody who wishes their name to appear below
(instead of being merely lumped into the lowly Unknown Viewer "UV" category)
submit a comment to the
Chatter Box (like
Zirra did), so that SlingShot can grab your IP#.
Of course, make sure to mention your real name. Alternatively, those who
wish for their names to be removed may go fuck themselves.
1/7/2006 12:42:00 AM -
Zirra adds to the
Chatter Box thus:
alright grab this IP and tell me where i am
American Road Cycling "I Spy: If Bush
can do it, so can I" Project Response
This message came attached to an IP# which
is not a standard
Kevin Hetzel (Zirra)
number—of which there are three recorded: probably one at work, one at
home, and one at the gym. Most of the other Esteemed American Road
Cycling Presidents (Luminaries) typically come onto the web site in
the same manner, from different IP#'s at differing times. Using the
arrival times recorded on the logs as a reference, it is usually apparent
which connections are from home, and which ones are from work. If coming
from an AOL connection, several numbers are recorded with each visit, plus
these numbers may change with each visit. Plus all numbers change each
time if dial-up is used. Of
course, there are also cloaking devices that can be used to make this hard to track, unless
one happens to know the basics of computer networks.
Since the IP# associated with Mr. Hetzel's comment was
not standard Zirra fare, American Road Cycling (SlingShot) had
to think a moment in order to figure out where Zirra sent his message
from. This turned out to be not such an easy task.
whois search for the number revealed that it is licensed to
OCEANIC CABLE, and SUN CABLE VISION. American Road Cycling has
never heard of these people, and since we spend a lot of time in
"Sunny" Florida, it is probably not local. Therefore, it is probably an
off-shore company. Also note that the time of submittal (12:42:00 AM)
is way past Kevin's bed-time.
Also, American Road Cycling remembers
seeing reports that last year's "Leap Second" had to be rolled back
recently due to
a slight wobbling of the earth concurrent with a massive momentary event
somewhere in the mid Pacific. Japanese Civil Service sent out the standard
warnings. The signature seismic graphing of this event
showed that it likely emanated from a large lizardous foot being slammed
against a volcanic cliff in order to gain purchase enough to bring an
overloaded aero-bar'd cycle up to competitive speed.
It is known that Zirra makes a habit of causing such
seismic activity, in and around NY and NJ, by placing his foot on the
bottom of Tiorati Brook Road, Heart Attack Hill, Knucklehead Hill,
and so on. If we merely shift the scenario to the mid Pacific, and
realize there are lots of Triathlon's held thereabouts, it only stands
to reason that:
Godzilla must be in Hawaii.
That is merely the obvious result of a reasoned
Paul told us Kevin is in Hawaii, so there's that.
Editor's Note: The cute
project name ("I Spy: If Bush can do it, so can I") suggested by the
Black Widow. Also there was Frank
Guarnuccio's astute observation in the
Chatter Box in response to the
first version of the Luminaries' Attendance Record, "Big
Brother is watching... or is that Little Brother...?"
Here's the broader perspective.
Of course, Al Qaeda, et al, hate all us westerners with a passion
unparalleled. And since they believe anything American is the devil
incarnate, they would never suspect anybody in charge in the U.S. would
ever dare break any of the stated rules, such as, "Do not eavesdrop on
private conversations," then adjust their plans accordingly. That makes it
close to a treasonous act if something was ever mentioned how somebody,
somewhere might be listening to everything they can get their ears on.
American Road Cycling has heard that there's some trouble coming down
the pike for whomever has let this techno cat out of the bag, because the
terrists are basically Mongoloid idiots who would have never otherwise
suspected that we'd be using technology to our advantage. Some people are
idiots by nature.