Date:      02/01/2006
From:    John (Johnson) Mitchell
Subject: rb2b-bot

Editor's Note: Below is a response received to the Web Logs Study Summary which American Road Cycling conducted during the month of January, 1996, which many of you read, and which is still somewhat ongoing. This is to some degree a follow-up to John's Member Mail dated 1/27/06.

The e-mail below has been taken from the 1,887 archived e-mails back and forth that I have enjoyed with my nephew in Ohio since 02/20/98. The sampled text is pretty typical of his writing. It is often Blade Runner meets Full Metal Jacket, meets The Manhattan Project via Brainiac.

Some of you may get lost, but editing was purposely held in abeyance in order to preserve the raw energy of the writing.

Two elements in this particular discussion made it necessary to share it with as many as may read it.

First is the off-hand, rolling prose of the section describing John being introduced to the term 'redacted' and the implications of this situation for all our futures. It is probably easiest to understand, if you visualize it being spoken hastily and furtively by a gravelly voiced, weathered and war-hardened young military hero (which does rather accurately describe John) who is just remembering being crouched just off the path of a long forgotten field excursion. My picture of the protagonist serves to describe John himself in many ways, even though that part of the discussion is purely fictional. But Oprah,  it contains the truth nevertheless.

Secondly, this e-mail expands and elaborates on the concepts previously discussed in the Web Logs Study Summary  and provides a practical application of the concepts discussed as they may be used in industry.

However, what you must disregard below, is John's overstated indebtedness to SlingShot. In fact it is SlingShot who learns from Johnson. The Johnson is Shot's superior in all things computer, in business matters and human relations (as he usually finds himself a manager of some team or another, while SlingShot can barely speak to people), and of course he almost always bests SlingShot in fluent literary style. Of course you will see he is also much more gracious.

John was in the military, then worked for many years in the printing industry till he saw the bright shining writing on the wall. He has currently found his techno-geekazoid dream home at Verizon. But that's a whole 'nother story.

Links to precedents for several of the talking points have been provided to aid in your complete stupification and bewilderment.

My prior comments, and his summary notations, are delimited by '<<', and '>>', with lines therein being off-set by '>'.

Original Submittal:

Hey b,

<<
> [re: Hit Counter]
>>

Hehehe, I love it. Who could do this but you? I fancy myself the man of the world, but you have done us all up time and time again. When I steal the idea and put it firmly in yer bunghole, well, don't take it personal, just the way we do it down here, long hard and penitentiary steel style, it only hurts for a little bit...not really...it will hurt each time.

<<
> [re: redacted]
>
> These days 'redact' is all over the fucking place. Anything in
> gov docs that is blacked out is
>>

It was on a hill, with the cold wind blowing that I heard the word, I suppose it was called the "dmz", mark it quick though, at the time it was the only place a G.I. would call the "dmz", in the days ahead I see another one coming. Redact indeed, no wonder I discounted the word. ....and if asked I have no idea who kenny boy is, no idea who Jack Abercrombie and Fitch or whatever is...i wear wranglers jeans, thur' 'merican style pep'ule, I have a
ranch. Just a little levity.

<<
> [CheckTestCheck.aspx]
>
> I had to test that on someONE. Paul's production version has a
> copy/paste section at the bottom, so he can pop it into
> his Access database. It was really fucked up trying to get it to
> present tab delimited text. HTML don't like that.
>>

Don't ever underestimate it, what you are doing is on the outside of what everyone is trying to get done right now. I have two words for you, "variable data" and then one more word, "igen" press. I am sure you are hip to this, and if not just say the word, I will give my take on it. The reason I even bother to mention it is that I have a ton of chances to make this a paying gig, it all revolves around databases and the like with a printing press and some ink thrown in just to keep it interesting—for those of us who dt when away from the toxic chemicals.

I just had the third, "buy-johnny-beers-till-he-submits" meeting. We  are not on the inside of all this whacked out crazy shit, but we could easily be the best. It is forward looking that makes the winner, not what is going on right now, what is going on right now is good for right now, right now is gone just like that. I was in on the ground floor for all the little cards you have to swipe to get the "good" price..hehehe, then I became Satan and was blamed for all the evils that ink/water caused since Ben drank a beer in Philly. You can use this data without pissing off everyone in the world, it is all about targeting. [URL REDACTED], these are the lamers that are targeting me right now.

I guess I took it off the chart when I mentioned web counters, tracking it all and warehousing it all. It is not a new thought, it is just funny to hear I guess....things like a relevant email, like a relevant commercial on your cable box, like a relevant "commercial" while your next "socom 3 video game mission" loads, which is a broadband connection to the internet, who cares if it is a PS2 game, it will take time to load the next game.

I kinda made my own eyes glaze over when I got off into the pitch, but nothing compares to these guys looking at me like I was a fucking cyclops, while I told them of a site that could track anything, anywhere, and the site would even show them how it was done....yeah, it is a cycling site [American Road Cycling]....yeah, but I swear...it is the truth.

As I came out of the rant/daze I have to thank you for making me look just like the idiot savant, something I will have to redact at some point....:) The fact remains, anything can be tracked if you have the time/money to do it, the art is if we can tailor it to advertisers and make it work for the recipient, make it useful, much unlike the shit paper/spam we now receive.

I just want to shoot myself now and be done with it. I don't need the stress of it all, I don't need it, but the lure is what kills me. We wrapped it with a "call me", I will do what I can do to help. I can do this, it has to be on my time though, I can't go back into the grinder, just can't do it. The lure of what could be is amazing though, we will see. I have a few guys I can pass this off to if need be, I just don't think I can get into this shit right now....:)

<<
> [long hair just can't cover up muh redneck....]
>
> See? Just what I mean. If they can't talk like that, how they
> gonna make rednecks think they're talkin' to Bubba in
> Kentucky for tec support?
>>

In the meeting detailed above someone fucked up and mentioned that it will be fact that the US will be the service leader while using everything outside the US to make it so, what a brain he is. I asked him where he was from (Tallahassee, fl), what he talked like (Tallahassee, fl), where am I from (London, oh), what do I talk like (London, oh.) Then I dropped the bomb, who teaches them to talk like us so no one would know the diff, targeted advertising is fucking great as long as the guy ya call is one of you, right? Then I did my favorite Jerky Boys rips of an irate Pakistani guy.....it sealed the deal. Once again you have pointed me in the right direction, I hope yer happy, I was just fine being a dumbass, but now you have tapped the keg, once again you have made me appear to know things I clearly don't know.

 

American Road Cycling Response:

See what I mean about The Johnson being gracious? Otherwise, American Road Cycling always knows just when there's nothing more to be said.

-SlingShot