From: John (Johnson) Mitchell
Editor's Note: Below is a response received to
Web Logs Study Summary which American Road Cycling
conducted during the month of January, 1996, which many of you read,
and which is
still somewhat ongoing. This is to some degree a
follow-up to John's
Member Mail dated 1/27/06.
The e-mail below has been taken from
the 1,887 archived e-mails back and forth that I have enjoyed
with my nephew in Ohio since 02/20/98. The sampled text is pretty typical
of his writing. It is often Blade Runner meets Full Metal
Jacket, meets The Manhattan Project via Brainiac.
Some of you may get lost, but editing
was purposely held in abeyance in order to preserve the raw energy
of the writing.
Two elements in this particular
discussion made it necessary to share it with as many as may read
First is the off-hand, rolling prose
of the section describing John being introduced to the term
'redacted' and the implications of this situation for all our
futures. It is probably easiest to understand, if you visualize it
being spoken hastily and furtively by a gravelly voiced, weathered
and war-hardened young military hero (which does rather accurately
describe John) who is just remembering being crouched just off the
path of a long forgotten field excursion. My picture of the
protagonist serves to describe John himself in many ways, even
though that part of the discussion is purely fictional. But Oprah,
it contains the truth nevertheless.
Secondly, this e-mail expands and
elaborates on the concepts previously discussed in the
Web Logs Study Summary and provides a practical
application of the concepts discussed as they may be
used in industry.
However, what you must disregard below, is
John's overstated indebtedness to SlingShot. In fact it is
SlingShot who learns from Johnson. The Johnson is
Shot's superior in all things computer, in business matters
and human relations (as he usually finds himself a manager of some
team or another, while SlingShot can barely speak to people),
and of course he almost always bests SlingShot in fluent
literary style. Of course you will see he is also much more gracious.
John was in the military, then worked
for many years in the printing industry till he saw the bright
shining writing on the wall. He has currently found his techno-geekazoid
dream home at Verizon. But that's a whole 'nother story.
Links to precedents for several
of the talking points have been provided to aid in your complete stupification and bewilderment.
My prior comments, and his summary
notations, are delimited by '<<', and '>>', with lines
therein being off-set by '>'.
Hehehe, I love it. Who could do this but you? I fancy myself the man
world, but you have done us all up time and time again. When I steal
idea and put it firmly in yer bunghole, well, don't take it
the way we do it down here, long hard and penitentiary steel style,
hurts for a little bit...not really...it will hurt each time.
> These days 'redact' is all over the fucking place. Anything in
is blacked out is
It was on a hill, with the cold wind blowing that I heard the word,
suppose it was called the "dmz", mark it quick though, at the time
the only place a G.I. would call the "dmz", in the days ahead I see
one coming. Redact indeed, no wonder I discounted the word. ....and
I have no idea who kenny boy is, no idea who Jack Abercrombie and
whatever is...i wear wranglers jeans, thur' 'merican style pep'ule,
I have a
ranch. Just a little levity.
I had to test that on someONE.
Paul's production version has a
section at the bottom, so he can pop it into
> his Access database. It
fucked up trying to get it to
> present tab delimited text. HTML don't
Don't ever underestimate it, what you are doing is on the outside of
everyone is trying to get done right now. I have two words for you,
"variable data" and then one more word, "igen" press. I am sure you
to this, and if not just say the word, I will give my take on it.
I even bother to mention it is that I have a ton of chances to make
paying gig, it all revolves around databases and the like with a
press and some ink thrown in just to keep it interesting—for those
of us who
dt when away from the toxic chemicals.
I just had the third, "buy-johnny-beers-till-he-submits" meeting. We are not
on the inside of all this whacked out crazy shit, but we could
easily be the
best. It is forward looking that makes the winner, not what is going
right now, what is going on right now is good for right now, right
gone just like that. I was in on the ground floor for all the little
you have to swipe to get the "good" price..hehehe, then I became
was blamed for all the evils that ink/water caused since Ben drank a beer in
Philly. You can use this data without pissing off everyone in the
is all about targeting. [URL REDACTED], these are the
lamers that are targeting me right now.
I guess I took it off the chart when I mentioned web counters, tracking it
all and warehousing it all. It is not a new thought, it is just
hear I guess....things like a relevant email, like a relevant
your cable box, like a relevant "commercial" while your next "socom
game mission" loads, which is a broadband connection to the
cares if it is a PS2 game, it will take time to load the next game.
made my own eyes glaze over when I got off into the pitch, but
compares to these guys looking at me like I was a fucking cyclops,
told them of a site that could track anything, anywhere, and the
even show them how it was done....yeah, it is a cycling
site [American Road Cycling]....yeah, but I
swear...it is the truth.
As I came out of the rant/daze I have to
for making me look just like the idiot savant, something I will have to
redact at some point....:) The fact remains, anything can be tracked
have the time/money to do it, the art is if we can tailor it to
and make it work for the recipient, make it useful, much unlike the
paper/spam we now receive.
I just want to shoot myself now and be done with it. I don't need the stress
of it all, I don't need it, but the lure is what kills me. We wrapped it
with a "call me", I will do what I can do to help. I can do this, it
be on my time though, I can't go back into the grinder, just can't
The lure of what could be is amazing though, we will see. I have a
I can pass this off to if need be, I just don't think I can get into
shit right now....:)
> [long hair just can't cover up muh redneck....]
See? Just what I mean. If they can't talk like that, how they
rednecks think they're talkin' to Bubba in
> Kentucky for tec
In the meeting detailed above someone fucked up and mentioned that
be fact that the US will be the service leader while using
outside the US to make it so, what a brain he is. I asked him where
from (Tallahassee, fl), what he talked like (Tallahassee, fl), where
from (London, oh), what do I talk like (London, oh.) Then I dropped
bomb, who teaches them to talk like us so no one would know the
targeted advertising is fucking great as long as the guy ya call is
you, right? Then I did my favorite Jerky Boys rips of an irate Pakistani
guy.....it sealed the deal. Once again you have pointed me in the
direction, I hope yer happy, I was just fine being a dumbass, but
have tapped the keg, once again you have made me appear to know
clearly don't know.
American Road Cycling Response:
See what I mean about The Johnson being
gracious? Otherwise, American Road Cycling always knows
just when there's
nothing more to be said.