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FEBRUARY 2006: Luminaries' Attendance Records

2006 - 2007
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(if you think your name should be appearing here, but it ain't, send a comment to let us know)

Below is the attendance record for February of 2006 for the various luminaries seen arriving in the lobby of the American Road Cycling web site. Now, let's not make a contest out of this to see who can achieve the most perfect attendance record. However, anybody who wishes their name to appear below (instead of being merely lumped into the lowly Unknown Viewer category) may simply submit a comment to the Chatter Box (like Zirra did), so that SlingShot can grab your IP#. Alternatively, those who wish for their names to be removed may go fuck themselves.

this page last updated:
02/01/2015 10:38:52 PM


Attended American Road Cycling - February 2006


W T F S S M T W T F S S M T W T F S S M T W T F S S M T      

President's Name

 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28      

Kevin Hetzel (Zirra)

Dan (Palletman) McNeilly

Stinkature Silos


   UV12 (Frank's friend, pretending to be Bianchi; bumped off site 02/05/06)

The Unknown Viewer

Frank Guarnuccio



 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28      


Kevin Haley

The Bianchi (The artist formerly known as UV01)

(Twin) Lynn Meyer

Terry Bowden

John Mitchell (Jhonson)


(Dangerous) Dan Sullivan


 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28      

Dr. "Artie" Art (often via 19th Century dialup, untraceable variable IP#, so may have better attendance than shown)

   UV16 (due to IP# characteristics, and browsing habits, Chester Pete is being penciled in for this one)




 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28      


Nuclear Dan Buckley





 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28      

Calandrillo, either Jimmy Nails or Slider





 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28      


W T F S S M T W T F S S M T W T F S S M T W T F S S M T      

This page updated haphazardly whenever SlingShot feels like it. Please disregard any mention of Kevin Haley.
Otherwise, everyone else who is listed here has arrived!

Cypher: "Why oh why didn't I take the BLUE pill?"

1/7/2006 12:42:00 AM - Zirra adds to the Chatter Box thus:

alright grab this IP and tell me where i am


American Road Cycling "I Spy: If Bush can do it, so can I" Project Response

This message came attached to an IP# which is not a standard Kevin Hetzel (Zirra) number—of which there are three recorded: probably one at work, one at home, and one at the gym. Most of the other Esteemed American Road Cycling Presidents (Luminaries) typically come onto the web site in the same manner, from different IP#'s at differing times. Using the arrival times recorded on the logs as a reference, it is usually apparent which connections are from home, and which ones are from work. If coming from an AOL connection, several numbers are recorded with each visit, plus these numbers may change with each visit. Plus all numbers change each time if dial-up is used. Of course, there are also cloaking devices that can be used to make this hard to track, unless one happens to know the basics of computer networks.

Since the IP# associated with Mr. Hetzel's comment was not standard Zirra fare, American Road Cycling (SlingShot) had to think a moment in order to figure out where Zirra sent his message from. This turned out to be not such an easy task.

First a whois search for the number revealed that it is licensed to OCEANIC CABLE, and SUN CABLE VISION. American Road Cycling has never heard of these people, and since we spend a lot of time in "Sunny" Florida, it is probably not local. Therefore, it is probably an off-shore company. Also note that the time of submittal (12:42:00 AM) is way past Kevin's bed-time.

Also, American Road Cycling remembers seeing reports that last year's "Leap Second" had to be rolled back recently due to a slight wobbling of the earth concurrent with a massive momentary event somewhere in the mid Pacific. Japanese Civil Service sent out the standard warnings. The signature seismic graphing of this event showed that it likely emanated from a large lizardous foot being slammed against a volcanic cliff in order to gain purchase enough to bring an overloaded aero-bar'd cycle up to competitive speed.

It is known that Zirra makes a habit of causing such seismic activity, in and around NY and NJ, by placing his foot on the bottom of Tiorati Brook Road, Heart Attack Hill, Knucklehead Hill, and so on. If we merely shift the scenario to the mid Pacific, and realize there are lots of Triathlon's held thereabouts, it only stands to reason that:

Godzilla must be in Hawaii.

That is merely the obvious result of a reasoned progression. Also, Paul told us Kevin is in Hawaii, so there's that.


Editor's Note:  The cute project name ("I Spy: If Bush can do it, so can I") suggested by the Black Widow. Also there was Frank Guarnuccio's astute observation in the Chatter Box in response to the first version of the Luminaries' Attendance Record, "Big Brother is watching... or is that Little Brother...?"

Here's the broader perspective.

Of course, Al Qaeda, et al, hate all us westerners with a passion unparalleled. And since they believe anything American is the devil incarnate, they would never suspect anybody in charge in the U.S. would ever dare break any of the stated rules, such as, "Do not eavesdrop on private conversations," then adjust their plans accordingly. That makes it close to a treasonous act if something was ever mentioned how somebody, somewhere might be listening to everything they can get their ears on. American Road Cycling has heard that there's some trouble coming down the pike for whomever has let this techno cat out of the bag, because the terrists are basically Mongoloid idiots who would have never otherwise suspected that we'd be using technology to our advantage. Some people are idiots by nature.


this page last updated:
02/01/2015 10:38:52 PM

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