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Members Mail Answered

Date:      02/01/2006
Dangerous Dan Sullivan
Subject: Theft of Ride and Hide Maneuver

Original Submittal:


Wait till Kevin hears Bob is trying to steal the ride and hide maneuver. You may remember that Kevin and George were the originators of the ride and hide, and Paul was one of the original victims as well as Dr. Art.



American Road Cycling Response:

This warning letter, actually a complaint, was sent to the Black Widow, probably because Dangerous is afraid to confront American Road Cycling head on by putting something in the CHATTER BOX.

His complaint, actually a letter of warning, most likely references the recent letter titled: URGENT PRIVATE LETTER TO NUCLEAR DAN BUCKLEY, which was recently published on the American Road Cycling web site, in which it was off handedly mentioned that Kevin Haley would not be attending the FARMLANDS FLAT TOUR CENTURY, because "...100 miles is too long a distance and provides far too many places for SlingShot to hide." No, that statement was only in a draft version and never published, actually the complaint must refer to a statement by SlamCrank on the Chatter Box about how Kevin was not likely to show up for Palletman's LSD ride, because "distance" was mentioned. No, that doesn't make sense either, it must have been that thing about SlingShot hiding from the Heritage Trail cop.

The secondary reference is to a story that SlingShot himself heard regarding a club legend, what most people refer to as the truth. Here it is in SlingShot's own words.

"Well, I first heard it at Twin Lynn's 28th birthday party. That was seven or so years ago, so my recollection may be spotty. I calculate the time from the fact that on Lynn's last birthday she is now 29, which she will probably remain for quite some years into the future.

In any case, the Ride and Hide incident was the subject of a conversation held among Twin George, his daughter Twin Lynn, Doug Allen, Don Stark, Kevin Haley, Jimmy Nails, Mary Ellen, and Dan Sullivan—the current complainant. At least that is who I recall as being there.

Paul Latrine would of course not have been there, because even if he were invited to such a party, this group would have already placed him in the corner with the directive that  he may not leave the corner until he could say for certain whether the corner was in fact the joinery of the two walls, or rather the convergence of the of the ceiling with the two walls, or maybe even the aggregation of the floor and two walls into the little spot at his feet. This task would consume Paul's interest for the remainder of the evening, so I am quite certain he was not part of this conversation."

Editor's aside: This particular group of people may not be known to all the readers of American Road Cycling, because they are in general quite fast, and most people reading American Road Cycling are quite slow, proven by the fact they have time to read the web site. Given that fact, maybe a brief introduction to this crew is in order.

The group mentioned here, standing around watching Jimmy Nails fry burgers (no, I did not say "eating boogers" though that also was likely), well...look. People have said that SlingShot is funny, but the fact is that any one of the people mentioned here is, each on their own, far funnier in casual conversation than SlingShot could ever hope to be, so when they get together, either on a ride, or some princess's coming of age birthday party, SlingShot merely stands mute to the side, gaping, and listening, and pissing his pants.

But back to SlingShot's best recollection of the story about the Ride and Hide Maneuver, or the best he can recall.

"On a lone Hump some time ago, though it was recent to this particular party, Twin George and Kevin Haley chanced to get far enough ahead of Dr. Art, Humberto, and Paul Latrine on a longish climb with a suitable bend at the top for them to conceal their ducking behind a tree, moments before the others came by rushing to catch them.

George and Kevin jumped immediately into the chase for themselves, but from behind, and they observed the following sequence several times over.

Dr. Art would pull the group for a few minutes, then Paul Latrine would pretend to pull for a few seconds, while Humberto pulled not at all, Humberto being new to this ride and just resuming some sort of condition long after his lost youth lording it over the Pro Races with his friend George Hincapie.

This state of affairs with Dr. Art doing all the pulling, Paul doing his usual, and Humberto being excused as a newbie, has always given George and Kevin a slight degree of guilt, because it was Dr. Art, deserving it the least, who received the most horrid brunt of the castigation when George and Kevin finally caught them from behind and said, 'You guys are going to have to go a lot harder if you ever expect to catch Kevin and George!'..."

In any case, that's the story as SlingShot recalls it. But it was a long time ago (Lynn was only 28, now 29), so the details of who was standing at the burger pit may be remembered by others with certain alterations, but that's the story prompting this letter of warning complaint from Dangerous Dan.

Couple things. SlingShot in no way has ever hoped to steal the "Ride and Hide Maneuver" as alleged, because he has absolutely no intention whatsoever of ever regaining the ride once those from whom he is hiding passes. Nor  could he. Dangerous should know this.

The other thing, that Dangerous should also know full well, is that company policy is to never ever mention Kevin Haley . We don't care how many times Kevin shows up on this web site hoping for word of CaliperGirl's whereabouts.


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