American Road Cycling

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Members Mail Answered

Date:      07/29/2005
Grant Salter
Subject: Self Flagellations

Original Submittal:

I, Grant Salter, nominate myself for employee of the month at Stinkature Silos. It has come to my attention that I, single handedly, outsold Paul in bikes this month. He has not stopped whining since the day my first bike order was placed.

There are a few people that I would like to thank:

ME, for being so damn beautiful

MYSELF, for working those long sleepless nights and not letting go of my goals

AND I, for having the drive and determination to kick Paul's Whiny Little Ass in sales during this very selfsame month

Thank you all, and to Paul, "May the wind always be at your face."



American Road Cycling would like to apologize to Grant. Unfortunately, we cannot publish his letter. Paul would be too upset to see the facts, as outlined above, in print. In lieu of publication, we are posting Grant's letter on the American Road Cycling web site, which is in fact read by nobody, as far as we know.

Also, we hate to rain on Grant's parade, but we must point out again (as has been reported elsewhere) that Serotta bicycles sell themselves. A chimp could have accomplished the same. Beating Paul at doing something a chimp could do is not cause to increase the number of feathers in anybody's bonnet.

Furthermore, Grant's making note of the fact that Paul is on a whining jag is neither informative nor news. Paul is always whining...except maybe at times when he is sniveling.

Also we cannot publish this letter because the last paragraph wishes ill on Paul. American Road Cycling wishes ill on no one, especially if such ill wishing is phrased in a way, or in any way whatsoever, which might encourage somebody to come off the front and stop pulling.

On the contrary, American Road Cycling wishes to applaud Paul's efforts in carrying the American Road Cycling jersey as a banner to France and proudly wearing it in the Etape du Tour, plus for his taking a few days off to go up to Lake Placid and watch Godzilla ride his bike—therefore losing a week or two of prime bike selling time, and allowing his ingrate employee to kick his smarmy little ass in sales.

Can "I Hate Grant Salter" jersey's be far behind?


this page last updated:
08/04/2013 07:54:02 AM

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