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Ridgebury Prime Winner Articles
Note: Prime
is pronounced "preem"



Clerical Error

Due to a clerical error (Mary ordered 3 extra on purpose), 3 additional American Road Cycling Ridgebury Prime Jerseys were received. In order to be fair to all contestants, these jerseys have been awarded in batch mode according to the Dr. Art Doctrine of Finish Line Fickleness in the manner described below.

1) For his excessive whining about his extreme desire to have a jersey for himself, along with his unwavering inability to find his way to the Big V parking lot and The Hump, the 7th ever Ridgebury Prime Jersey is awarded to Grant Salter.

2) On numerous occasions Mary Ellen Calandrillo has emphatically stated to us that we are out of our minds to be giving away Ridgebury Prime jerseys, and that we really should be charging for them. This is good advice, and we appreciate the sentiment. Therefore, we are giving her one.

3) Due to Dr. Art's excessive whining about his extreme desire for a jersey, we are giving one to Iron Mike Norton.

Editors Summary:
Well that does it. The history is complete. The jerseys are all awarded. What a mess.

But Later: Recently a 10th jersey had to be acquired in order to pay off John Handago for Dr. Art's use of his likeness in the Road Rash Comics series. Turns out the Handago caricature is an absolute rendering of John. It is so precise in fact that Handago has often been accosted by catcalls while sashaying down the street in his riding togs and being recognized by aggressive American Road Cycling readers. Personally, I am much better looking than the SlingShot caricature, but John really looks like his. Our apologies to John; but then...we didn't provide his DNA.

While we were at it, we figured we'd better anticipate future complaints and get jerseys for all the Board Members as well. Awarded for their undeniable restraint shown by the fact we have never received a letter from their lawyers, jerseys are now on order for Paul Latrine, Dr. Art Donohue, Twin Lynn Meyer, and Jimmy Calandrillo.

That's it. NO MORE JERSEYS! Don't even ask about them. [otherwise see: Post Season Kevin Haley and that girl Heather from Skylands.]

Everybody keep up the good work on Ridgebury, because one never knows when another award series will be instituted. As the saying goes, "Sooner or later, every ride stops being about the fashion and starts being about the passion. Be there for it." Actually that's not a saying. It's just something I came up with for Paul Latrine's web site, but he's too stupid to use it, so I took it back for myself.

- SlingShot








this page last updated: 02/01/2015 10:38:49 PM

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