THIS JUST IN! Well actually I've known about it
for some time, because I happened to be in the right place at the right
time and overheard it. But you and I really have to keep this on the
hush-hush, or I could get in big trouble for reporting it.
Recently Paul did a fitting and sold an Ottrott to a
very rich and famous TV personality. Ok, the person used to be
rich...but now they own an Ottrott, which is much better. And yes, you
would know the person's name, if I could repeat it.
The way I found out was when somebody noticed the
finished bike and said, "That's an interesting bike. Whose is that?"
Sort of off-handedly, Paul replied, "That's [rich and
famous person's name deleted]'s bike. I'm delivering it [day, time, and
It was probably mentioned off-handed due to the number
of rich, famous and athletic people that are always hanging around Paul.
These sorts of things have gotten pretty passť. In any case, seems I'm
the only person to get all flustered and excited about it.
Mostly my interest was because the conversation
immediately turned to a favorite theory of mine, which is: Cycling is
the perfect sport for the rich and famous, because once somebody puts on
their helmet, glasses, etc, they are more or less anonymous.
Really, think about it. How many people on the
American Road Cycling rides
do you even know their last names? I'll bet there are lots of people
whom you only know through their nom, or maybe first name and bike type.
Such as Fuji Steve, Jim DeRosa and others. I'm mostly just known as
SlingShot and prefer to
keep it that way.
Also how many times have you seen somebody taking
off their helmet and thought, "Jeez Louise...they look
horrible/greatódepending. Wow, I would have never recognized them in a
On rides, the ride's the thing.
At American Road Cycling we only care about how
whupped somebody's ass can get. We don't give a rat's tiny little poopy
hole whether otherwise somebody is rich, famous, or on the lam.
I was pleased to hear this confirmation of my theory
about cycling being the perfect celebrity sport. Grant told me (on the
promise I'd remove the bamboo shoots from under his finger nails
immediately thereafter) that this [anonymous can't tell you their name]
person had come to the same conclusion themselves. They feel that once
they get all suited up they can ride around [a particular place that I'm
not about to tell you about either] while not being bothered by nosy
cloying sycophants like you who are reading this now.
In any case, I started thinking about how this part of
the world is currently the best place on the planet for road cycling,
and it would be a shame if somebody didn't get to avail themselves of
a local ride just because they are so fucking good at keeping us
entertained. Therefore, I thought we'd better come up with a nom to aid
My first thought was Dickwad. I figured from now on,
every time we refer to this person we can just call them Dickwad
in order to protect their identity. Then I realized that would only make things worse, since they are
known for actually being a dickwad. Everybody would already know who
they are, more surely than if we used their screen name.
So Dickwad's out, but I'm still working through
Please, I mean it. Keep this to yourself. Paul's got
that big Tour de France race coming up, so he's already got enough
trouble without having to beat the shit out of me for giving away
Editor's Note: A reader asks, "Since SlingShot
real problem with censorship, how does blanking out names and
addresses in the Dickwad article not qualify as censoring?"
SlingShot replies, "It is not censorship,
because I say it is not."
By the way, since this article was written
Paul has completed delivery of the bike along with a little trial ride.
Grant got his picture-of-a-lifetime taken with one of his long time
favorite personalities, while Paul cut his own nose off to spite his face
by not getting his own picture. Seems Paul is himself a bit of a dickwad.
Guess we can probably just go ahead then and reveal the true name of
Naaw! Still, not doin' it. Well, ok, we
cant tell you their name, but
their initials are...