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Ahh...smells like victory.
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Dr. Art
I know that all loyal followers (three in number) of the lecture series
titled From the Vault of Dr. Art, published in the heyday of that
horrid local club's newsletter, when it was an actual newsletter not
just handmaiden to the Taliban's censorship takeover and dumbing down of
the club, have really missed Dr. Art's writing. So here is Dr. Art's most
recent e-mail to American Road Cycling regarding the
5th ever awarding of the Ridgebury
Prime jersey.
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Bob,
As usual, a stellar piece of prose highlighting the events of
this past week's Hump and
Ridgebury Prime. A reverse Hump is named "The Rump?"
Tasteful, without being gaudy.
I was out riding solo today, cruising
through Wallkill, or some godforsaken place. So many towns in Orange
County end in "Kill." Have you noticed that Bob?
It was almost as if some deranged
homicidal lunatic was in charge of mapping out the county. "Say
Phil, that mountain range looks like a bunch of cats lined up, what
do you think we should call it?" And of course with some guttural
expulsion the guy shouts, "Cats....KILL!" And too horrified to
disagree, there it is on the map.
I am delighted to point out to you
that acquiring 6...count 'em....SIX jerseys in assorted sizes for
the Ridgebury Prime is a stroke of genius. In the inaugural
edition of the Giro d'Italia there was only one pink jersey... and
it was a men's extra small. Some guys, realizing they were the race
leader, would actually slow down in order to NOT take over the
jersey for fear of the
efforting required to get it on during the podium presentation.
Other guys would be the race leader
and purposely roll in horse manure to
make it undesirable for anyone else to put the jersey on. In
fact, Fausto Coppi, realizing he had taken the race lead, and thus
the jersey during the 12th stage of the Giro in 1929, was actually
quoted as saying, "Keep it," to the previous wearer—due to the
unmistakable stench of cat piss—and dropped out of the race at the
finish of the presentation.
Laudelino Cubino was thus allowed to
keep the jersey and informed his closest friends that rolling in
the cat's litter box was a stroke of genius. With the availability
of SIX jerseys, you have nipped many of these potential problems
right in the proverbial bud.
In closing Bob, your subtitling the
Dr. Art Doctrine piece
"Pride and Prejudice" may be the single wittiest piece of journalism
I have ever seen in my entire life, and I'm not just saying that
because I'm trying to butter you up to borrow money or anything.
Take care,
Dr. Art
P.S. Can I borrow 50 bucks until next week sometime?
[Editor's Note: No] |
Editor's Other Note: I guess this tome answers the question somebody
posed to me after reading the long awaited
Iron Mike Norton Interview, "Iron Mike was at Dr. Arts? Why?"
I assume the questioner meant to enquire how Iron Mike
could possibly ever need an adjustment, what with him being so young, fast
and furious. Well, American Road Cycling has insider information
that numerous athletes continue to attend Dr. Art sessions long after
their therapy is complete, merely to be regaled by cycling stories such as
the one above while laying face down with their cheeks smushed between a
thin paper veneer placed over the leatherette chiropractic headrest
buttresses. In fact we have heard that, if one doesn't have any interest
in cycling, Dr. Art can quote word for word all the episodes of
Seinfeld and Colombo, or in fact speak at length on any subject which
suits your fancy. Otherwise, if none of this is to your
taste, he can now sing through several verses of "Go to Sleepy Little
Baby" which is surely worth the price of admission.
All his infotainment is important, because Dr. Art generally accomplishes patient
recovery sooner rather than later. Those who would like
to book tickets to a Dr. Art Performance may call or write:
Peak Performance Chiropractic
20 West Avenue, Suite 102
Chester, New York 10918
845-469-2877
Last known performance times were:
Mon: 10-1, 3-7
Tue: closed/gone bikin'
Wed: 10-1, 3-7
Thu: 3-7
Fri: 10-1, 3-7
Sat: 9-12
Dr. Art's world class gate keeper, Marie, may actually
let you through. Best bet is to pretend to be coming for an adjustment.
this page last updated:
04/15/2013 09:37:47 AM
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