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Ahh...smells like victory.

- Dr. Art

I know that all loyal followers (three in number) of the lecture series titled From the Vault of Dr. Art, published in the heyday of that horrid local club's newsletter, when it was an actual newsletter not just handmaiden to the Taliban's censorship takeover and dumbing down of the club, have really missed Dr. Art's writing. So here is Dr. Art's most recent e-mail to American Road Cycling regarding the 5th ever awarding of the Ridgebury Prime jersey.


As usual, a stellar piece of prose highlighting the events of this past week's Hump and Ridgebury Prime. A reverse Hump is named "The Rump?" Tasteful, without being gaudy.

I was out riding solo today, cruising through Wallkill, or some godforsaken place. So many towns in Orange County end in "Kill." Have you noticed that Bob?

It was almost as if some deranged homicidal lunatic was in charge of mapping out the county. "Say Phil, that mountain range looks like a bunch of cats lined up, what do you think we should call it?" And of course with some guttural expulsion the guy shouts, "Cats....KILL!" And too horrified to disagree, there it is on the map.

I am delighted to point out to you that acquiring 6...count 'em....SIX jerseys in assorted sizes for the Ridgebury Prime is a stroke of genius. In the inaugural edition of the Giro d'Italia there was only one pink jersey... and it was a men's extra small. Some guys, realizing they were the race leader, would actually slow down in order to NOT take over the jersey for fear of the efforting required to get it on during the podium presentation.

Other guys would be the race leader and purposely roll in horse manure to make it undesirable for anyone else to put the jersey on. In fact, Fausto Coppi, realizing he had taken the race lead, and thus the jersey during the 12th stage of the Giro in 1929, was actually quoted as saying, "Keep it," to the previous weareródue to the unmistakable stench of cat pissóand dropped out of the race at the finish of the presentation.

Laudelino Cubino was thus allowed to keep the jersey and informed his closest friends that rolling in the cat's litter box was a stroke of genius. With the availability of SIX jerseys, you have nipped many of these potential problems right in the proverbial bud.

In closing Bob, your subtitling the Dr. Art Doctrine piece "Pride and Prejudice" may be the single wittiest piece of journalism I have ever seen in my entire life, and I'm not just saying that because I'm trying to butter you up to borrow money or anything.

Take care,
Dr. Art

P.S. Can I borrow 50 bucks until next week sometime?

[Editor's Note: No]

Editor's Other Note:
I guess this tome answers the question somebody posed to me after reading the long awaited Iron Mike Norton Interview,  "Iron Mike was at Dr. Arts? Why?"

I assume the questioner meant to enquire how Iron Mike could possibly ever need an adjustment, what with him being so young, fast and furious. Well, American Road Cycling has insider information that numerous athletes continue to attend Dr. Art sessions long after their therapy is complete, merely to be regaled by cycling stories such as the one above while laying face down with their cheeks smushed between a thin paper veneer placed over the leatherette chiropractic headrest buttresses. In fact we have heard that, if one doesn't have any interest in cycling, Dr. Art can quote word for word all the episodes of Seinfeld and Colombo, or in fact speak at length on any subject which suits your fancy.  Otherwise, if none of this is to your taste, he can now sing through several verses of "Go to Sleepy Little Baby" which is surely worth the price of admission.

All his infotainment is important, because Dr. Art generally accomplishes patient recovery sooner rather than later. Those who would like to book tickets to a Dr. Art Performance may call or write:

Peak Performance Chiropractic
20 West Avenue, Suite 102
Chester, New York 10918

Last known performance times were:

Mon: 10-1, 3-7
Tue: closed/gone  bikin'
Wed: 10-1, 3-7
Thu: 3-7
Fri: 10-1, 3-7
Sat: 9-12

Dr. Art's world class gate keeper, Marie, may actually let you through. Best bet is to pretend to be coming for an adjustment.

this page last updated:
04/15/2013 09:37:47 AM

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