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FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions)
1) What does membership cost ($) and how do I pay?
2) How are the Board of Directors and other club officers
selected?
3) What are the duties and responsibilities of the
Officers?
4) What are the American Road Cycling Meetings like?
5) What constitutes sanctioning?
6) What liability and/or warranty does American Road
Cycling hold for sanctioned events?
7) Will American Road Cycling bail me out if I get
arrested?
8) I have heard that Mary Endico provides major funding.
How may I contribute?
9) What events are sponsored by American Road Cycling?
10) How do I approach the American Road Cycling President,
Bob Fugett?
11) What is the American Road Cycling
motto?
What does membership cost ($) and how do I pay?
American Road Cycling membership is offered as a
Lifetime Membership at 2˘.
Payment receptacles are found throughout the United Sates, Canada, and New
Jersey, so you may put in your two
cents anywhere, anytime. Family Lifetime Memberships are also available,
but each family member should put in their own two cents. Of course you
must be 21 years of age to become a member, because drinking is
prohibited.
How are the Board of Directors and other club officers
selected?
Officers of American Road Cycling are chosen purely
at random and by caprice. Most of them do not even know they have been
appointed. You could apply for a position, but you would have to be out of
your mind to do so. Bob Fugett, President, makes all
these decisions. Click here to view
one poor sot's acceptance letter regarding his surprise appointment to the
American Road Cycling Board of Directors.
What are the duties and responsibilities of the
Officers?
To ride their bikes whenever they feel like it.
What are the American Road Cycling Meetings like?
Meetings are not condoned. Rides are condoned. However, there is one
meeting a week: Saturday morning at the top of Ridgebury Road, but you
probably will not be able to attend.
What constitutes sanctioning?
Races and rides are pre-sanctioned by American Road
Cycling anytime that American Road Cycling will maintain a
presence at that event either as a sponsor, a participant, or merely as a
well wisher from afar.
What liability and/or warranty does American Road
Cycling hold for sanctioned events?
None. Zero. Nada....road cycling is dangerous. Grow up,
wear your helmet, and take responsibility for your life.
Will American Road Cycling bail me out if I get
arrested?
No...grow up, wear your helmet, take responsibility for
your life, and obey local traffic laws.
I have heard that
Mary Endico provides major funding.
How may I contribute?
You can't. We don't need no stinking money. Just shut up and
pull.
What events are sponsored by
American Road Cycling?
The awarding of an American Road Cycling
Ridgebury Prime Jersey is the most notable sponsorship of American Road Cycling.
The jersey is awarded to the group
leader (chosen by natural selection) at the American Road Cycling
Saturday morning meeting—top
of Ridgebury Road (aka: The Hump). Jerseys are awarded sporadically and by
happenstance, so finding somebody who owns an official American Road Cycling
jersey will be a rarity.
Other sponsorships are being finalized.
How do I approach the American Road Cycling President,
Bob Fugett?
You don't. He does not like you in the least, and he does
not want to talk to you. If you must, you may come up behind him and try
to pass him on a ride—if you think you are man enough.
Mr. Fugett apologizes for the blatant sexism of the
previous statement and says that if a woman reads it, they are also
invited to try
to pass him—if they think they are man enough.
What is the American Road Cycling motto?
Shut up and pull.
this page last updated:
02/01/2015 10:38:44 PM |