American Road Cycling: PSL : Three Wonderful Things

Three Wonderful Things
- SlingShot

this page last updated: 02/01/2015 10:39:12 PM

Three wonderful things happened on today's Hump. Actually it was three wonderful things I heard about in the parking lot after the Hump—only one of which happened on the Hump.

One of the things I heard about was how I got my ass kicked by Big Bianchi.

A better one was the actual power meter results coming from the FRONT of the Hump's FRONT GROUP.

The last was somebody finally understanding one of the exercises I developed for the Widder, along with the basic laws of physics we used to make our projections about the 23+ Widder's Hump.

I guess the power meter readings were also a confirmation of the Widder's Hump which is good, because it is coming up pretty soon.

Here's the first thing.

Big Bianchi has officially kicked my ass for the year

Cranky loses her dollar but has learned to be more careful about the bets she will take.

Bianchi told us his recent stationary trainer results, and you will probably drop your jaw and raise your eyebrow just the way the Widder did when I told her.

"Did you hear that? Big Bianchi just did a one hour time trial on his stationary trainer and held 200 watts and a 100 rpm cadence for the full hour."

At that point the Widder sort of nodded thinking about it, pretty impressive, maybe not the biggest of deals, but still rather impressive.

It was my next statement that dropped her in her tracks, "...with a heart rate of 133!"

Widder spit, and I myself called it quits.

No matter how, no matter where, no matter when, I am totally certain that I will NOT be able to beat those specs for the remainder of this year.

I can take off all the weight I want. I can get him on any hill of my choosing (where he will certainly overwork the bottom and be done by the half-way mark), and I can get my own power meter and learn to be as efficient as I want. I can work hard like a motherfucker. I can do any goddamn thing I want. It won't matter. I am still not going to beat that result.

Bianchi wins it for this year, and there's not a fucking thing I can do about it... except be glad it's over, and that's pretty wonderful.

Fuck him.

Revealed: FRONT of the FRONT GROUP watts

Then something even more wonderful happened.

We had just seen Andreas Runggatscher work with that guy from Skylands to cut off Turtle Boy at the finish in a classic scissors maneuver when Mary pulled up beside me and said, "Andreas is using a power meter. Maybe you can find out what his watts were."

I tossed Andreas up against a wall and said, "If you don't want us pouring water down your upside down throat and taking silly pictures of you for the Internet, you will give up your numbers...," and he did.

Granted they were results from a rather slow day at the Hump, because we took a short cut and got in front of the FRONT of the FRONT GROUP in order to be in position on Big Island Road when they passed us again. When we had seen them earlier two hills before the Camel Farm (during one of our rest intervals) it was obvious they weren't working so hard as they so often do.

When they passed the second time near the finish, I said to the Widder, "Let me go catch them."

She laughed, but I did it.

I figured I could trigger them by passing, so I went by all six of them, and nobody bit, so I continued hard around the turn onto Round Hill Road (believing that would certainly set them off), but nothing happened.

I held up a little, and as they passed I trash-talked best I could, but still no takers.

By then the Widder had caught up to the group, having noticed I did it, so how hard could it be.

I realized all of them were already trying to see who could go easiest to the finish line and take it.

I thought, "What is this? A fucking velodrome? These shitheads going to do track stands till three inches before the line?"

That insight into just how slow this ride had become, will help put the following figures in context, because usually the figures would be much higher, though Andreas would just as likely have been at the front.

Andreas reports a 212 watt average with a 823 watt max expending 1492 calories for a 22.9 mph average.

There you go. That's what it takes to stay with the FRONT of the FRONT GROUP on an off day.

Get on your bikes and pedal, assholes. You might be able to catch up to them. Maybe not in this life, but someday maybe.

These figures also confirm that the predictions of Time Trialing a 260 watt average on that 34.2 mile course will result in a 23+ mph average Hump is not just some fucking nonsense I made up.

A 23+ is not such a big deal if you don't blow yourself up, or you don't spend a large portion of the ride going as slow as you can in order to fuck a stranger in the ass. Do you see, Larry?

Anyway that's pretty wonderful. Otherwise, I couldn't care less about the calorie count. I could easily make up for that expenditure this afternoon alone. Here, hand me a doughnut, and I will show you.

Big Smile and a Math Question

After I got the watt meter results, Tom Folkl drifted over and asked, "How'd your ride go?"

I said, "Mary's leg is still screwed up, but it's getting better, and we think we figured out the final problem today."

When he asked what that was all about, my first thought was, "Fuck. If he doesn't know what the watt meter has shown us, he's not going to understand one single word I'm about to say," so I said, "Here. Let's get the Widder back under her helmet, and I will show you what we call Pop-watts."

We went out on Pumpkin Swamp Road, and I had Tom pace beside the Widder for a 15 second 260 watt interval. Just like everybody else who has seen this, he was amazed at how stupidly easy it was. I said, "If you think that's incredible watch this."

I told the Widder to give me one of her CPU's, so I could tell her when she hit the target for a 400 watt Pop-watt.

She popped to 490 like nobody's business.

I said, "See how easy it is to overwork when you have no frame of reference? The 260 would result in a 23+ Hump (see above), but the best way to stop yourself from doing that would be to hit the 490 mark a few times too many. Get it? By the time your Heart Rate Monitor gets around to telling you about it, it's too late."

He did get it, and he asked if we had thought about efficiency of pedal stroke, and I said, "That's ALL we've been doing. We haven't even started on strength work yet. We are just making sure all the correct muscles are in order and in play. I don't want to make any of the muscles which are working against her to get any stronger."

Then I showed him a little exercise to check his spin efficiency. I said, "Take a loop through the parking lot with enough pace that in your easiest gear you cannot feel any contact with your pedals. Then click out one leg, spin slow with the other and feel for points of unevenness. Switch legs and compare."

Then I watched as he circled away, clipped out, made some halting turnovers, switched and compared.

Just as I was thinking, "I wonder if he noticed the difference," he broke out in a big smile of recognition, came back and said, "You're right. I can really see the difference."

I asked, "Let's say you are going 20 mph and holding just enough wattage to be gaining speed. Discounting air resistance, how many watts will it take to reach 21 mph?"

He thought for almost a moment and chirped, "None."

Exactly right. That's the idea. Knowing just exactly how much you are capable of, and doing it as easily as possible, in order to stay exactly on it without losing your focus or going too hard.

I said, "That's how we figured out the problem with the Widder's leg."

"How'd you do that?"

"I rode behind her and watched real close. It only took six years. Isn't that wonderful?"

And it was.

this page last updated: 02/01/2015 10:39:12 PM