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Microcosm this page last updated: 11/28/2012 11:38:19 AM
While that little scenario was being played out, the Widder was already at the top of Ridgebury and about to begin a little excursion into the wretched underbelly of Hump FRONT GROUP nonsense and return with the final data confirming what I have been harping on. I'm sure you are all anxious to get to the exciting charts and graphs, but I have to mention my hallucination. Sometime after Ridgebury I was riding on my own after sending the Widder off with the FRONT GROUP. Today's FRONT GROUP at the top of Ridgebury consisted of just two riders, and I probably better not mention their names, because a little later I'm going to blow the lid on their little bullshit Hump ride, and they will likely hate me as much as everybody hates Floyd Landis. No, I don't mean for his doping, because that just seems to be how things are done in big time cycling, but for his indiscretion in bringing his power meter to the Tour de France and publishing the data. If I don't actually mention the names of these two riders, maybe they won't even notice I've snatched away their emperor's new clothes. They aren't so terribly smart. Anyway, they caught the Widder and me at the top of Ridgebury after we went out 15 minutes early to work on technical skills and Mary's left leg problem. Since she had stopped listening to my warnings about overworking by the time we were caught, I figured a good dose of Hump nonsense would put her back on track, so I said, "If you want, you can go kick these guys' asses." By the time I saw the apparition I was pretty surprised, because I had already been passed by a solo rider, then two groups (tacked onto the back of one of them was BLASTER who was very purple with the effort of his second Hump of the day because of his upcoming three week 1500 mile ride at the end of the month), then another solo rider, so when two riders passed (just before Oil City Road) and I saw who was on the back, I just about fell off my bike. This thing, this mirage, this figment, looked a lot like the Gapper. I just kept thinking, "Fuck. That can't be the Gapper! Not all the way the fuck back here after a solo rider then two groups have already passed me, and none of them were worth chasing. Not way back here. Not our Gapper." Still, it sure looked like him, so I decided to spin up and find out, but just when I went to get it the creature went around the person in front and floated away. I thought, "Well, if that's the way you're going to play, fuck you." And I went back to my easy spin. Good thing, too, because on Oil City Road another group of riders came blaring off the climb out of Unionville from my right, and they were going so fast it made me tired enough to quit again. That set the stage for Download Kim passing me with one of her gym rat friends in tow. I thought, "Perfect. The slow ride finally got here. Now I can get on their wheel and rest." I should probably jump right to those charts and graphs I promised, but I am thorough and must report all the other stuff I thought when I saw Kim and friend. If you'll bear with me a little longer, we'll get right to the technical stuff. Actually, I forgot all the other stuff I thought when Download and her friend went by, but I was reminded of it later when (back home) the Widder came upstairs and told me she just talked to two cyclists outside looking for some local rides. She said, "They were totally buff. The woman looked better than Download Kim," and I retorted, "I don't think so. You haven't seen Download this year. I saw her with a friend on Route 88 today, and they looked GREAT! In fact, they looked so good I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to stay with them." Maybe that woman riding along and talking with Download was Barbara (in better shape than ever), and any rational human (such as Palletman for instance) would have just spun along behind them and enjoyed the eye candy, but for me it always goes something like this, "Geez! Look at them. They look GOOD! I think I'll just kick their asses." Usually, I would jump right in front of them; but, like I said, they looked good enough to worry me, so I merely slipped up to their wheels all cagey and quiet. Then a car came by. Download looked back and saw me on her wheel and seemed to think, "Huh! You want some of this, fella? You can't even catch it. Here. Chase it up this hill." I held onto Kim's wheel and cut her slight friend off while specifically thinking, "Oh, yeah? Take this, you little gym hussy friend of Download. How do you like having a fat ass of this size and age in front of you—despite all your years of dance floor shenanigans." I stayed with them long enough to make a big deal about leaving the ride when they turned to go over to Missionland Road. I proclaimed loudly, "Thanks for the pull. See ya later," but really I was thinking, "Wow. They look FINE. Pisses me off." Maybe some charts and graphs will get this crap out of my head. So here is my final word on the nonsense most people accept as normal on the Hump. A bunch of people heard me tearing the Widder a new one after the Hump, because she didn't stay with the two front riders I sent her off with to play. I was screaming things like, "What?! You say they were working like dogs? They were drenched and wasted like you've never seen them by the time they finished? I caught them twice, and that was on the uphill! They weren't going so hard. It took two minutes for us to decide to go after them after they passed us at the top of Ridgebury. And a couple minutes after I set you on their wheel, another rider came by, so I offered to pull him back up to them also. That time I made up another 200 yards. I was almost on their wheel again by the time I realized the guy I was pulling didn't have a clue about drafting, so I ducked off and let him go on his own. You absolutely should have stayed with those guys...and all the way to the finish. I caught them twice. Are you listening? TWICE. And UPHILL!" Then I added, "Doesn't matter. We've got the data. I'll show you just how fucking hard they were working when we get fucking home. I'm sick of hearing about every fucking ride getting real fucking hard soon as I am fucking gone." In fact, it turns out the Widder had a really good reason for tossing herself out of that ride, so she's forgiven. I am not, of course. Below is the most valuable piece of Hump paraphernalia you are likely to ever find. Please, don't rollover the chart below until you read the following setup. If you understand what you are about to see, you will be more shocked than you can imagine. Otherwise, the chart will just be amazing. Here's the deal. Shown below is the data from the final stretch of Mary's Hump today. It is her performance specs from the Jolley Onion to the top of Hard Core hill, a distance of 3.91 miles. It happens to be almost the exact same distance as her first interval with the FRONT GROUP that started when we caught them after Ridgebury about a half hour before. [She took a shortcut after almost hitting somebody's wheel three times because somebody else had jumped on the front and stood up without warning. They know who they are.] The brownish gold line shows her wattage, which is to say her actual effort, as apposed to her so-called speed, and/or perceived effort. On first glance it may appear to be somewhat irregular, and it is, because her left leg is still a problem, and she still cannot raise her foot to the top of her crank length. She compensates by pushing down with her right leg to carry it over. It took us a few months to figure that out, you remember: her "stabbing" at her pedals. Therefore, she could do much better, but that is not the whole point. When you rollover the image it will show her other performance just after Ridgebury while she was hanging onto the FRONT GROUP, but don't do it yet. Read the following first. Before you roll over keep this in mind. The underlying chart does not really show how truly bad the situation was. Be aware that the chart reveals a performance of the same distance traveled, but the chart's upper and lower wattages are another 100 watts both higher and lower. Also the underlying chart reflects a downhill of about 200 feet overall, while Mary's performance from the Jolly Onion to the top of Hard Core hill is a rise in elevation of about 80 feet. Otherwise, similar hills are recorded on both. In any case, Mary stayed with the FRONT GROUP with an average watts of 159 (well below her 1-hour FT), but later (on her own) she averaged 170 watts, from the Jolly Onion home—with about half the perceived effort. Ok? You got the basics? What you see below is definitely NOT one of
Mary's smoothest performances, but now: rollover that chart!
Wheew! Amazing right? No wonder those two guys got caught by the pursuit group and had their asses handed to them. Sad to see a three minute gap eaten up by stupidity. Good to have a record of it to show Mary... again, and again, and again. Just in case the rollover above confuses you, here are the two images in order. You can click on them to enlarge and check the data.
There you have it. A microcosm of the Hump. I hope nobody gets all puffed up and superior feeling, thinking that they themselves are far above such inefficiency. Really, if you are not riding with a power meter, you do not have a clue about how much energy you waste on every single ride, probably on every single pedal stroke. Plus, you are especially in the dark about true human potential and your capacity for work if you believe such things as Phil Liggett saying, "Look at the man go. That effort is at least three times that of a normal human being. Those guys back in the chase group are suffering. You can count on that. They will never catch that man." You might remember such nonsense during the Tour of California last winter. If you know anything about cycling you probably also remember yourself thinking, "Three times human effort? Based on what? Liggett hasn't even mentioned how fast the guy is going... not that that would mean much. And that chase group appears to be resting, just waiting for the finish." Was anybody really surprised to see the group slip up behind that guy within the last minute and KICK HIS THREE TIMES A HUMAN ASS!!! Sad to see cycling become the newest division of the Word Wrestling Federation. No wonder everybody's all pissed off at Floyd for spilling the data beans. No wonder everybody is pissed off at SlingShot for mentioning they might actually try getting better at their sport and not spending all their time merely trying to look better at their sport. It must be mentioned that one of the riders shown on the Ridgebury chart above enjoys one of the most pristine reputations for holding a steady pace, and if our light little Widder was getting jerked around so violently by the inertia, just think how much more significantly those heavier men were being laid waste to... by their own hands at that. The chase group sure didn't have much of a challenge to catch them. Maybe you, dear reader, don't really care about your performance, so it doesn't matter, but if you give a half shit about being a stronger cyclist, and you aren't using appropriate tools to do it, there is not much hope for you. I feel pretty much like I did back at the turn of the century after I purchased one of the first all carbon bicycles in production, by the first company to make one, and custom at that, and I was telling everybody, "This carbon stuff is a big improvement. Go take a look at the Calfee Design white papers." Of course a week later I was saying, "Listen up, people. Here's how you go down a hill really fast, without even knowing it, and here's how you break your collar bone." Well, Vincent, "They would not listen. They're not listening still. Perhaps they never will." That's why I am calling this my final word on the subject. I have had it with the number of people who continue to show a total ignorance about the most rudimentary aspects of basic physics (what people in other countries having an actual educational system will call, "Second day of first year high school physics") as it relates to cycling, and how easily people discount the simple facts of mass, inertia, and energy (calling it fantasy) as they denigrate Mary's goal of a 23+ Widder's Hump, calling it "Pie in the sky pipe dreams." Look at those charts above. Anybody still have the audacity to question what I have been railing about: The way most people ride the Hump is the perfect plan for failure? In fact, today things got so bad for our fellows that by the end of the Hump they even got beat by Chester Pete. Maybe his ass really is not as big as Bob's. Also, consider this: when the chase group reached the top of Ridgebury, they still had only a 15+ average. But they finished with just over 22. Do the math. At 12.5 miles into a 34.2 mile ride, the group had a 15.2 average. That means in the next 22 miles they picked up 7 miles per hour, that is to say they had to be averaging something like 25-6 miles an hour from Ridgebury to the finish. Sounds impossible, doesn't it? Maybe somebody lied. Chester Pete was there but isn't likely to hand his power meter over to me, so I can't say for sure. Maybe ddoT will put us straight. Anyway, a couple years ago, Mary herself posted a 21.5 mph average four weeks in a row under similar circumstances. Once she gets her left leg under control, is a 23+ so far out of the question? You'd be surprised how many people won't even consider it possible. Of course, most people are riding without the use of a power meter, but what has surprised me is the number of people who have access to such data and don't take advantage of it. You wouldn't believe how many times I've heard, "The only way to get strong is to race." Actually, racing is the most unlikely way to get stronger. Racing makes you weaker, not stronger, and every top level racer knows that. They only race when necessary. Racing is the final refuge of the unmotivated. Thankfully, Kevin Haley was in the parking lot after the ride to hear me ripping the Widder a new one and helped reinforce the idea. Said Kevin, "Mary, you have an injury or something don't you? You really should be taking time off to let it heal. Do you really think Joe Straub works hard everyday? He is certainly not above taking a week off, and he's not at all out of shape because of it." Said I, "Tell her again, Kevin. How long should she rest?" "Until she's better of course." "How long is that?" "As long as it takes."
Full size copies of the charts above are given below in case you want to take a closer look at the data. Not much need to. Either you get it, or you don't.
this page last updated:
11/28/2012 11:38:19 AM |
