I,
Grant Salter, nominate myself for employee of the month at
Stinkature Silos. It has come to my attention that I, single handedly,
outsold Paul in bikes this month. He has not stopped whining since
the day my first bike order was placed.
There are a few people that I would like to thank:
ME,
for being so damn beautiful
MYSELF, for working those long sleepless nights and not letting go
of my goals
AND
I, for having the drive and determination to kick Paul's Whiny
Little Ass in sales during this very selfsame month
Thank you all, and to Paul, "May the wind always be at your face."
American Road Cycling would
like to apologize to Grant. Unfortunately, we cannot publish his
letter. Paul would be too upset to see the facts, as outlined above,
in print. In lieu of publication, we are posting Grant's letter on
the American Road Cycling web site, which is in fact read by
nobody, as far as we know.
Also, we hate to rain on Grant's
parade, but we must point out again (as
has been reported elsewhere) that Serotta bicycles sell
themselves. A chimp could have accomplished the same. Beating Paul
at doing something a chimp could do is not cause to increase the
number of feathers in anybody's bonnet.
Furthermore, Grant's making note of
the fact that Paul is on a whining jag is neither informative nor
news. Paul is always whining...except maybe at times when he is
sniveling.
Also we cannot publish this letter
because the last paragraph wishes ill on Paul. American Road
Cycling wishes ill on no one, especially if such ill wishing is
phrased in a way, or in any way whatsoever, which might encourage
somebody to come off the front and stop pulling.
On the contrary, American Road
Cycling wishes to applaud Paul's efforts in carrying the
American Road Cycling jersey as a banner to France and
proudly wearing it in the Etape du Tour, plus for his taking a few
days off to go up to Lake Placid and watch
Godzilla ride his
bike—therefore losing a week or two of prime bike selling time, and
allowing his ingrate employee to kick his smarmy little ass in
sales.
Can "I Hate
Grant Salter"
jersey's be far behind?