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Article #21
Dear Spin Bitch
01/26/2003
- Sharon Giannino
Buttons above link to the SlingShot articles
written by Bob Fugett. Context for Sharon Giannino's Dear Spin Bitch
article, published below, is found on the
Introduction page.
Here is the only existing installment of Sharon Giannino's
ill fated Dear Spin Bitch column. It came on the heels of
SlingShot's article showcasing her talents titled
Sharon of Nine which was the article leading to the censoring of
his
Bicycling Heaven article.
The censoring was the consequence of an idiotic letter of complaint over his use of the term
SPIN BITCH. Most readers were dumbfounded that such an inanely innocuous
term could cause such controversy, but it did.
In any case, the basic idea for the Dear Spin Bitch column
was for
readers to submit questions to The Spin Bitch who would begin each
response by trash talking the questioner, then end by giving
good, solid training and cycling advice. Sharon (SPIN
BITCH) taught spin classes at
Straub's Fitness in Chester and Monroe, NY.
She also taught
many more cyclists, in terms of anaerobic pain on club rides, the wretched
consequences of trying to keep a wheel in front of her own.
The first question was to come from SlingShot.
Dear Spin Bitch : )
My back pain has subsided somewhat, so The Black Widow and I were going to
do some spin-up intervals
under the palm
trees in a park near St. Petersburg, FL. Except we forgot the timing you
used in class. We did remember something about 15, 30, 45, 60, 90 with
recoveries of some length in between.
Since we couldn't remember exactly what
to do, we went out for milkshakes instead. If you could outline the
intervals for us, we will have something to talk about this week at Krsipy
Kreme.
SlingShot
*****************************
Dear SlingShot :)
Word has it you have GAINED 10lbs....damn, you must at all costs make
major dietary changes. Milkshakes and Krispy Kreme have to go. I am
reluctant to offer my assistance when you take advantage of my efforts
by rewarding yourself with self indulgences. You must rid yourself of
the drag associated with carrying excess poundage. Why should I take the
time to work up specific intervals for you to acquire strength, force,
speed and endurance when you go and throw away the payback and thus
reward yourself with lack of self control involving simple carb'd,
unsurpassable, supremely delicious, melt in your mouth, roll around the
tongue, every ounce a pleasurable sweetness...Krispy Kreme "DO NOTS."
I IMPLORE YOU to not waste my time and
yours. Your biggest limiter is your weight. Maybe you could stop shoving
food into your face and find another pastime. Perhaps you could take up bacci ball. Surely there
are some senior citizens' asses
you can kick on the courts in FL. Besides, if you are aiming to kick MY
ass, PLEASE lose the weight for my sake in order to save my self esteem and honor. No one likes to be kicked in the ass by
obesity...do it for me. Save my dignity--at least I can say you earned it.
Shake it, lose it, GET RID OF IT. Take the first step and surrender
yourself completely to the ZONE. In my estimation you would need 19 blocks
and since someone like MARY had the foresight to make the smart
investment of purchasing two cases of bars, I suggest you have nothing but
those bars for sustenance. Eat to survive only. Find comfort in something else
besides freekin, frigin, fugett, (sorry) F'in FOOD.
You will be allowed
9.5 bars (that's plenty) a day and THAT's IT. If you would like real food
keep it simple. 3 oz lean protein, lots of leafy greens and only mono-unsaturated fat per meal. I would suggest half and half, no not the
cream...half bars half "real" food. Your blood sugar will be balanced and
you will not produce excess insulin which stores fat and keeps you in a
craving cycle. You will soon be a former shadow of yourself.
YOU CAN DO IT. It works.
Now that I've made my self abundantly clear, I will share the intervals.
Pyramid: 15, 30, 45, 60, 90 with equal periods of recovery. THEN, 90,
60,
45, 30, 15 with equal periods of recovery.
Spin ups: start spinning easy gearing until you begin bouncing in the
seat. Then take it down, do 6-8 times, recover two minutes in between. Option 2: spin up to PEAK 30 seconds
and hold 30 seconds total of 1 minute.
recover 2-3 minutes to recovery HR.
We have recently been doing force intervals in class:
Force: heavy gearing. Pound hard for 20 revolutions. Recover 3-5 minutes.
Repeat 6-8 times.
Muscle Endurance 1: 6 minutes steady in TEMPO zone. Recovery 2-3 minutes.
Repeat 4-6 times.
Muscle Endurance 2: 8 minutes steady in TEMPO zone. Recovery 2-3 minutes.
Repeat 4-6 times.
I would also suggest that you find a steady 3 mile climb to simulate
Ridgebury. One of the BEST workouts, and one that you and Mary will find a lot of
fun (I think), is Motor pacing. Take turns. It is a great fun trying to
keep pace (and in your case draft) with the car. Plus if you need to be
taken to the hospital transportation is readily available. I believe the
average up Ridgebury is something in the range of 14-16mph. Try it,
you'll like it. GREAT training.
Good Luck.
SPIN BITCH
Oh and about that transitional lumbar. What would YOU do if you had to
support 40lbs that were not meant to be there. Thank yourself that it is
only
transitional and has not compressed and burst a sac yet. And yes, there
is NO one like
Dr.
Art.
By the way, your secret about Mary's plans (you wrote about earlier) is safe with me. I am relieved that the target
has moved off my own back and is now on
Paul's....
Take care.
SPIN BITCH, a.k.a., Sharon of Nine, a.k.a., a.k.a, Sharon
-----------------------------
Note the not so subtle humor of placing SlingShot on a full
candy bar diet, complete with supporting data and calculations. Also note
the even less subtle fact that Sharon's time was in fact
valuable and, unbeknownst to all of us,
truly in short supply.
Although a little editing and tightening up
would still have been needed, one would have thought this article
deserved at
the very least a response from even the
Taliban, but it didn't get so
much as a, "No thank you."
This first Dear Spin Bitch column was submitted to
the newsletter editor near the time of the
Bicycling Heaven
censoring, but Sharon's e-mail was summarily ignored. No response
whatsoever was returned, and of course her column was never published,
except that another contributor to the newsletter immediately began a
watered down version of the idea without so much as a thank you to Sharon
for providing the impetus.
Sharon's nature held a marvelous combination of competitive
drive in opposition to her greater capacity for empathy, plus an
overriding personal sensitivity. She would often apologize immediately
upon trash talking you during a ride, and seemed embarrassed to have been
so bold. Even throughout the above tirade, Sharon continued to allow the
assumption that SlingShot could actually beat her, despite his
growing weight.
After Sharon overcame her tendency toward shyness in order
to submit the article above, only to be completely ignored, she did not enjoy one of
her happiest moments. The people who treated her that way should be
ashamed, but they are not.
Here is what Sharon had to say about
the Sharon of Nine (Spin
Bitch) article in one of her last e-mails:
Hello Bob,
You are too much. I am quite honored. And your writing is unbelievable.
Roberta has since began using the nom Sharon of Nine. "High Sharon of
Nine", "Bye, Sharon of Nine" in spin class. I was pleased and greatly
RELIEVED upon finally reading your article and am quite honored at being
the
subject woven into such gifted writing...."I am not worthy to receive it
only say the word and I shall be "heeled",.... Spin Bitch. (A little spin
on a common Catholic rant..) I refuse to relinquish Spin Bitch (as in
Bastard) to anyone, they're gonna have to really earn it...
It is unlikely anyone will ever earn the nom, Sharon. It is
yours forever.
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